I found you

[24] Working together

"Hey, Akk. Are you still awake?" After everything was sorted out between them, it was already getting late and Ayan suggested to Akk to stay the night, since Akk lived at least a twenty-minute walk away from him and it was already starting to pour outside. They were now laying next to each other in Ayan's bed.

"Yes." Akk was wide awake despite his exhaustion. He turned to look at Ayan but couldn't really see his face due to the darkness and unlike last time, the moon wasn't shining brightly over the now quiet city.

"Thank you for cleaning up my room." Ayan softly whispered into the darkness, half asleep. "It was really messy, wasn't it? Sorry for bothering you again."

"No, don't mention it. It's really fine. I did it voluntarily." Akk whispered back with the same gentle tone. "But I've noticed, you're drinking again, aren't you? You know, it's not healthy to drink that much. I'm worried." There was no response from the other side.

"I know, I just can't stop it." Ayan finally admitted after a long silence. "After my uncle died, I came to the bar regularly and was offered drinks and cigarettes." There was a comfortable silence between the boys, when Akk finally dared to ask.

"Hey, Aye...would you stop drinking if I asked you to?" Saying that out loud sounded really stupid and to be honest, Akk didn't expect an answer from the other person.

"I don't know, but I would at least try. I just can't do it alone. Last time, Yok and the others helped get through detox and withdrawal." Hearing Yok's name again somehow filled Akk with a painful sense of happiness. Of course Yok would help with something like that. He would research and educate himself on what to do in such situations. He would stay by that person's side and never leave them alone. Yok wasn't like him. A coward who would run away the second, things would get too much for him.

"I'm really sorry about Yok. I can only imagine the pain you and your parents have been feeling. You must really miss him, don't you? I wish I could help you with anything about this..."

"It's ok, Aye. You don't need to apologise. I'm really fine..." Saying he was fine sounded so wrong to Akk's ears. As if Akk knew he was not only lying to Ayan but to himself. And Ayan didn't really seem convinced either, but didn't say anything else.

"Aye, can I ask you something?" Akk began, suspecting there was more to the story than Ayan was letting on. Ayan hesitated but then nodded, unsure. "Did you use other drugs besides alcohol as well in the past?"

After asking that Akk could feel the smaller boy immediately tense up next to him. "Sorry. I'm being nosy. You don't need to tell me if you're not ready." Akk felt guilty for pushing boundaries again and wanted to change the subject.

"Yes, I did...I really fell into a deep hole with drugs. I did cocaine and weed, which I also got from the other guys. But luckily since detoxing I haven't relapsed at least on these things because it's not easy to get these anywhere." Ayan confessed. There was a small hint of shame in his voice.

Akk had already feared something like this and sighed in frustration. "I don't wanna scare you, but can I be honest with you? Have you ever thought about rehab? Or thought about therapy? It might be helpful to talk to someone professional."

"Yes I have. But I don't want to talk about my feelings. It makes me feel cornered when someone knows all my secrets and insecurities. I feel weak hearing everything myself that I've tried so hard to suppress for years. Honestly, everything about this sounds and feels so wrong. I'm afraid that they would judge me because of my past."

Akk nodded understandingly. Of course he understood Ayan. He felt the same way. He had already thought about confiding in someone who knew how to deal with his problems. And just like Ayan, he didn't go through with it. He was scared. Scared of feeling helpless and not normal. Feeling judged.