Maybe The Wind Knows || Tally Hall

IM THE RULER OF EVERYTHING, IN THE END

3:37am. That was what the red display of my clock face read as a paced my room. I tried to remind myself that I'm here and i'm safe. I had just woken up from a nightmare. A nightmare that felt way too real, a nightmare about my parents of all things. MY PARENTS.

The last time I had a nightmare about them, I was not in a good place mentally. Maybe I am relapsing. I shook of the thought immediately and tried to calm my breathing and not break down crying because the last thing I wanted to do was wake Bora up. I turned the light on in my room, momentarily blinding myself.

I went back to pacing my room which only seemed to make more stressed. I was on the verge of some kind of breakdown because I haven't had something like this in a few years. While pacing, my shoulder brushed the pile of CDs I had on my dresser and they all clattered to the floor. "SHIT!" I whisper yelled and stood completely still, listening. I heard Bora's door open and my heart rate skyrocketed.

"Lana?" He was outside of my door. "Are you alright?" He sounded like he was just asleep, I felt terrible for waking him up. "I-I'm okay." I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. I started picking up the CDs. My fucking hands were shaking. "...Can I come in?" Bora asked. He probably didn't believe me when I tried saying that I was alright. I'm gonna be honest I kind of needed company. "Uhm, sure."

He opened the door to me shaking while kneeling by a pile of fallen CDs. "Oh Lana, what happened?" Bora asked, kneeling down to help me pick up the fallen items. I wanted to lie through my teeth and say everything was fine and I was just getting up to go get water and then knocked down the CDs, but my brain wouldn't let me.

"I woke up from a nightmare and then knocked these down while pacing my room." I stated, avoiding eye contact. "Like the really bad ones you used to have?" Bora questioned, a concerned look on his face. "Yeah, I haven't had one in years, I don't know what's happening." My voice cracked a little as tears burned my eyes. All he did was pull me into a tight hug. It didn't feel like was suffocating, it felt like it was exactly what I needed. I hugged him back for probably the first time ever.

"You're okay, your safe and you're here, nothing is gonna happen, I'm right here." Bora said, rubbing my back a little. I've never allowed myself to be this vulnerable in awhile, it felt strange and slightly childish. I should be able to deal with a stupid nightmare by myself. This is not something to cry in my best friends arms over.

"I'm so sorry." I said, reluctantly pulling away. "I feel terrible for not dealing with this on my own, i'm fucking 21 and still crying over nightmares." I shook my head. "You don't have to apologize, you've done nothing wrong, nightmares can be fucking terrifying, I get it." Bora said.

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I scribbled down verse 5 of 'Hymn For A Scarecrow'. I was almost done after being up since 3am because of the nightmare, I decided to write more of my song to get my mind off of things. I bit down on my pencil eraser, deep in thought. What if I just repeated 'ever wonder' over and over again like...8 times and then faded out into 'the wind knows'? That seemed like a good idea, so I scribbled that down. I also wrote '(the wind knows)' under 'ever wonder' incase I ever had someone else singing with me.

There is a lot of parts like that in the song actually.

"I FINISHED!!" I yelled. I had written and composed my first ever song. I could cry happy tears right now. I picked up my guitar and the sheet music that I wrote and started the first ever playthrough of my whole entire song.

"You hang around for a living
Somewhere between all the land and the sky
Being by never forgiving
Nobody knows you and neither do I
Birds may believe at a distance
You wear a grin and keep perfectly still
Driven away with persistence
I wonder if they have wondered or will ever wonder
Ever wonder
Farmer Jim hums when he's all alone
He may imagine you heard and he knew
You wouldn't hear what he might have known
I wonder whether he wonders if you ever wonder
Ever wonder
Oh, scarecrow
Maybe the wind knows
Whether you wonder
Who's calling your name
Scarecrow
Maybe the wind knows
Whether you wonder
If you are to blame
Mother Earth's love whispered to me (and it wasn't her fault)
Real is a feeling and feeling is real
All of you are flowing through me
But you wouldn't know how to fathom or feel
When the wind blows
The wind knows
The wind knows
Oh, scarecrow
Maybe the wind knows
Whether you wonder
Who's calling your name
Shame how nobody knows you
Only who wonders if you are to blame
Saving the grain of your golden domain
Without even reasoning why
The crows seem to know where you need them to go
Igniting a spark in their minds, so they circle and fly
Fly, fly, fly
Fly, fly, fly, fly
Fly, fly, fly, fly
Fly, fly, fly, fly
You hang around for a living
Blown in the wind like a pinned butterfly
Monarch of ever forgiving
Some of us wonder if you want to die
Would you want to die?
How I wonder, ever wonder
Ever wonder, ever wonder
Ever wonder, ever wonder (the wind knows, the wind knows)
Ever wonder, ever wonder (the wind knows, the wind knows)
Ever wonder, ever wonder (the wind knows, the wind knows)
Ever wonder, ever wonder (the wind knows, the wind knows)
Ever wonder, ever wonder (the wind knows, the wind knows)
Ever wonder, ever wonder (the wind knows, the wind knows)
The wind knows, the wind knows
The wind knows, the wind knows
The wind knows, the wind knows
The wind knows, the wind knows."