049. Time After Time

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(Ep

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(Ep. 7 & 8: The Massacre at Hawkins Lab & Papa)

If there was one thing Gwen despised most, it was herself.

This past year had been the worst one of her life and that's without counting the years where she had to swallow her grief for her mom's sake. She used to be carefree, she used to be livid, she used to be hopeful, and she used to be happy. Sure her life had plenty of ups and downs, but ever since that Fourth of July, her life started going into a downward spiral.

Her relationships got destroyed and her emptiness had been the main culprit. She didn't see a point in keeping any of her friends close. She could see the way they looked at her, so concerned, so scared, and so disappointed at the person she became. The girl they used to know had disappeared and Gwen didn't know how to bring her back, so she did what she knew best.

She ran.

It was pointless to continue. It was pointless to continue with this life that was rendered to be useless when it's only bound to worsen. She would spend all night thinking on how it'd be better if she just disappeared. If everything just stopped and for once, she could acquire that breath of fresh air. Nothing made sense, so what was the point?

Steve didn't love her, her friends didn't care for her, her brother was distancing himself, her mother looked at her like she was a glass about to break, and worst of all, the person she considered her second dad had died. Her life was terrible and even if she was acquiring her dream of studying film in NYU, her heart was still aching and her mind kept telling her she wasn't worthy of anything.

Gwen had become empty. She was a shell of the person she used to be and as much as she tried getting her old self back, she had to settle that she was dead. She had become a walking corpse and her home was just a cemetery. Her bed was her grave and her agonizing thoughts were the nails on the coffin.

Happiness was something she settled on never feeling again. It was something meant for people that deserved it, for people that were worthy and good. Something she wasn't. Darkness had become her shadow, it was her friend, her companion, her partner, and a part of her soul - and she accepted it.

When she chose to come back to Hawkins for Spring Break, she didn't expect her life to change. She didn't expect to reconnect with her friends and most of all, she didn't expect Steve to still love her.

Even if this week had been terrible, Gwen can't deny that being around the people she loves had brought the light back to her life. She's not as alone as she used to believe. She has people that care for her and she has found the hope and joy that's been missing from her life.

Slowly, but surely, her light was coming back and it's at risk to fade at the hands of Vecna.

She's not sure where she is, but the last she remembers, she had been climbing the rope into the other side. Only the second she let go, she started falling into an abysmal pitch of darkness. The coldness slammed against her back, emitting painful jolts as if syringes had been placed in the epicenter.

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