Glad
Afternoon came. Kanbas ng pinaghalong rosas at kahel na ang makikita kapag tiningala ang kalangitan. Tiyak na makikisali na rin ang kadiliman mayamaya. A discernible indication of an ending.
Ito ako ngayon at nakaupo sa hindi pa niligpit na banig na nakalatag sa dalampasigan. Dinadama ang malamig na hangin, pinapatahimik ang utak. Pinapanood ang kalmadong mga alon. Subalit bigo.
Kahit patapos na ang araw, hindi maalis sa isip ko ang nangyari kanina. I ended up not enjoying the trip as intended to. Cannot make out how things happened and in chaos because I cannot calm myself with the thought of what is gonna happen next.
Hindi ko kayang basahin si Reann. Pagkatapos niyang mag-imbento ng palusot kay Sab, hindi niya na ako binigyan ng pansin. Lalong gumulo ang utak ko sa akto niya. What's her next steps? I can't quite say she's gonna immediately inform Ciel about the thing she learned about me. I know she will, eventually. I can't say when. However, I can tell that she has something up her sleeve.
At ito ang mismong dahilan kung bakit ako nababagabag.
My mind wandered as far as the horizon, I missed hearing the footsteps coming to me.
"Hey, Leigh. What's up? Lalim ng iniisip natin, ah."
"Jamal!" I nearly jumped out of my skin.
He offered his hand to me so I could stand.
"Thank you... I am actually just appreciating the island," is what I answered.
"Mhm. You missed Isla Roja, huh? Too bad, saglit lang tayo rito."
"Yeah," tipid kong tugon. Nahihiya sa presensya niya at distansya naming dalawa. Inaatake rin ng paranoya sa kaisipang baka may nagmamasid sa aming dalawa sa sandaling ito.
"Don't worry, we're gonna be back here again next next month. Nagustuhan ni Ciel dito. She said she wanted to celebrate her birthday here too," Jamal was all smiles when he told me this. Kumikislap ang mga mata niya habang binibigkas ang ngalan ng nobya.
Bitterness creeped in my heart. I love seeing Jamal happy. Happiness suits him so well. His radiance is something you cannot miss when he's one. Ngunit tuwing sinasampal ako ng katotohanang hindi ako ang dahilan, may nag-uudyok sa kaibuturan ko na burahin ito.
And I'm trying so hard to bury this urge. I am, really. I cannot bear the thought of ruining our bond because of the possibility of him knowing my feelings for him, and I definitely cannot face rejection. Certainly, not from him. I'd die.
"Sabi mo 'yan, ha," sabi ko sa kaniya.
If only he knows how I'm so in love with him without the risks.
Moments like this makes me so emotional for the what ifs. I just can't let such thoughts eat me. Letting them in might turn this a waste. It's like even though I'm worrying about my weight and on a strict diet, I let myself slip and have the prohibited pleasures in life. Savoring every minute too, because this kind of flavor just comes rarely. Scarcely.
"Okay guys, aalis na tayo!" Pinagana ni Kuya Benj ang makina ng minivan.
"Mag-iingat kayo sa biyahe pabalik, ha?" paalala ni Lola Isadora. We're now giving our goodbyes to her.
"Yes, Lola!" Sab kissed her grandmother's cheek. "I'm gonna miss you..." They hugged for a long time before pulling away.
Si Isaac naman ngayon ang kaharap niya. "Happiest birthday ulit apo," she patted his head.
"Happy birthday ulit!" sigaw namin.
"Oh siya. Check n'yo gamit n'yo ha kung walang naiwang importante."
