"I don't care if it's too early on, but I love you Celine. I love you" he says eyes boring into mine as my heart picks a rhythm.
With each passing second, the world seem to be fading away, but not before taking a photo of this moment and etching it...
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Unable to sleep any further as I had wailed myself to sleep when Somi brought me home, I got out of bed. My dreams had been plagued with Joshua, I was having the same dreams I used to have of him a little over a year ago. They felt so real, just like they did that time.
I make my way into the kitchen after doing my business in the bathroom and checking on Somi who is sleeping soundly in her room. I glance at my phone and it's already so late at night, a few minutes past midnight.
How long was I out for? Well you can't blame me, I was with the one whom I wanted to be with since I couldn't be with him physically.
I sigh sitting in the quiet solitude of the dimly lit kitchen, a bottle of soju in hand, my thoughts heavy with the weight of recent events. The only illumination coming from the dim overhead light that bathed the room in a soft glow.
The first sip of soju sent a sting to my taste buds, it's Sharpness serving as a bitter reminder of the week's events. The fight with Joshua really did a number on me, echoes of our hurtful words still ringing in my ears. It was all a misunderstanding but it had escalated into a rather painful confrontation. I never intended to hurt him and I hope he knows this, but this sudden rift between us was messing me up - he's not returned any of my texts. I'm feeling stupid for running out and leaving him there but the words he'd said hurt me too. The mere fact that he was keeping something away from me because I'm sure he is, and it hurts terribly. Doesn't he trust me enough?
Why do they always think I'm unable to handle things?
As I continue to sip the Soju, tears swelling in my eyes, I sigh, my heart heavy with regret. I think back to the times when everything was fine between us, when we'd met and everything that led us to finally be together, I regret that my stupid and uncalculated actions had caused this much tension.
I wish Joshua would understand just how much I love him, maybe he knows but he's getting what? Insecure? There's no one else in my heart, not Chanyeol, not Taehyung and I'm really not interested in letting anyone else in. He's enough for me.
I pulled my sweater tighter around myself as the cold night air seeped through the kitchen Windows. Picking up my phone, I swipe through the photos in my gallery, each image capturing moments of our happiness and love. They were few but stood as a testament to the connection we shared, and I can't bear the thought of loosing it.
Tears stream down my face, splashing onto the kitchen island as I gaze at our smiles frozen in time. Now that my anger has dissipated, I miss him terribly, the warmth of his presence, his ever loving stare, the sound of his laughter, his rich and melodious voice and the feeling of being loved and wanted by him. Sitting here all alone and wishing we'd overcome this misunderstanding between us, my thoughts drifting to the day it all began.
______________________________________
6days ago
I'm in my element this morning, cheerful and full of life, arranging a vibrant bouquet of fresh blooms. My earbuds played the beautiful voice notes sent by Joshua in the morning, It was the phone notification of his message that woke me from sleep.
