"I don't care if it's too early on, but I love you Celine. I love you" he says eyes boring into mine as my heart picks a rhythm.
With each passing second, the world seem to be fading away, but not before taking a photo of this moment and etching it...
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The heart will always want what and who it wants. Five weeks without him feels like a century, and trying to find happiness without Joshua has been an uphill battle for me. I miss him terribly and time seems to be crawling at a snail-paced speed.
Who said the heart will heal? Because mine isn't. Everyday hurts so much and I'm begining to accept the fact that I may never stop loving and wanting him. I still wear his shirts all the time, one bottle of his perfume that followed me home ensures I still get surrounded by his cologne, although I'd prefer his natural scent.
The company had requested for a meeting last week and I had dreaded setting foot in that building again. It brings nothing but the painful memory of that life changing argument with Joshua. He had been present and I was expected to sign some papers, promising to keep the details of our relationship and breakup confidential. The hardest thing I did that day was walking into that room and meeting him because it was excruciatingly painful sitting across from each other like strangers. His presence stirred up emotions, his gaze holding a tinge of sadness that mirrored my own.
I miss him, no doubt but I swear this man's eyes can't even lie, he missed me too. Then why not just call off this damn meeting and let's start over ? Give us another try? Forgive me for all the trouble! Don't look at me with those eyes that get my heart racing. Don't look at me like you want to leap across the table and hold me close.
Don't make me want things you're not willing to give or even try.
When asked if he was sure about ending things, his prolonged glance at me spoke volumes. His eyes seemed filled with unspoken words, and my heart ached watching him.
My hands trembled so much while trying to sign the papers, I couldn't keep the pen stable. A warm hand placed over mine and and his touch steadied me momentarily. It was a simple gesture, yet the familiar feeling it brought sent a rush of conflicting emotions through me. As I looked up, he averted his gaze, and that hurt so badly.
Once everyone left, it was just Joshua and me. We sat in silence, emotions swirling between us. After what seemed like an eternity of staring at each other, he approached me, turning my chair to face him while he placed both hands on the table, caging me.
"How are you?" He asked, face unreadable for a moment but those words and that voice.
Damn you Hong Jisoo!
I couldn't answer, I didn't even know how to answer. Ofcourse he knew he was barely living. But, that question, it was our thing. And I'm not sure why he's decided to punish me like this. His inquiry and being that close made tears well up in my eyes.
"How are you? . . . . . Lu?" He repeated his question as he wiped my tears, this time, with an extra arrow to my heart.
He hugged me and I was taken aback at first, but I needed that comfort, that warmth - I needed him and so, I nestled into his embrace, grateful for the gesture.
