My desires after you (Charles Leclerc)

Seventeen Part

Singapore and a little Surprise

5 years ago

I was just a 13-year-old girl who wanted to break out of the life written for her. I had had enough of everything, I felt like I was being held in a cage with a leash around my neck, and when I tried to break free, I was stopped. I wanted to be free, I wanted nothing more. I've had enough of being looked down upon and ignored. I never put up with being told what to do. Because this is my life and no one has anything to say. That's why I couldn't stand school. I also avoided communities and tried to throw everyone away from me. I considered everything an unnecessary waste of time. Everyone had a girlfriend. My friends asked me for help. I could never help myself. How can you help a 13-year-old love a man 12 years older than you? Who lives hundreds of kilometers away from you in the most luxurious place in the world. Even though Theo was there, all my feelings for her disappeared. Every day at school I was on the verge of tears. I entered the room. I saw my classmate massaging his girlfriend. My stomach tightened, I felt nauseous. I avoided crying, I was shaking, biting my nails from nerves. That's when I realized how much I needed care, but I still threw it away. At one point Kristin asked if we could get me a boyfriend. I was pumped. She knew Theo was there, but I don't like her anymore. I answered him: no, I only have Charles or him or no one else. If he can't be mine, I don't need love. 

Present

One morning, Charles and I were lying in bed together. I just stared out the window, which was almost as big as the room. I just saw Max's balcony. Their apartment was only a few meters away. I looked out sadly. When suddenly my stomach convulsed. I immediately jumped up. I tried not to fall in Charles. I ran to the toilet because I felt like throwing up. Charles didn't understand what was happening.

– Is everything okay, Gloria? - asked

– No, but I'll be fine. - I said

He went down to the living room to have breakfast. I threw up until then. I was so sick, I had no strength. But I still got up from the toilet. I pulled it off. I wanted to get dressed quickly, but I realized that everything was in my suitcase and used. I quickly dug something out of it and put it on. I ran downstairs because I knew something was wrong. They looked at me confused.

– Ria where are you running? Charles asked

– I remembered something urgent. - I said

– I think he has seen some dirty secret of yours and is stepping down for life. Charlotte said

– Well, you might as well step down. - said Charles

During all this time, I didn't have time to travel around this small country, so I don't know where it is. I pulled out the nice little google map and entered Monaco pharmacy. But it's good that Charles pays for my mobile phone. Of course, it was on the main road where you can see a lot of people. I didn't want anyone to see me. I went into the pharmacy and immediately put 5 pregnancy tests in my basket. I quickly went to the cash register and tried to pay when the cashier asked if I knew how to use it. Random, I didn't know my world, I read my card and went out. I started home and my brain was constantly racing, I thought I was going to explode. I entered the door. Charles was talking to Charlotte. He didn't shout, he talked, I haven't seen him like that in a long time. I couldn't put it anywhere. I looked at them strangely, but I went upstairs to the bathroom. I took it out of my bag and did the test. I think I did it completely wrong, but at least it turned out well.

Being a grown woman, I went into my bed and formed a bunker around myself from the quilt. I went back after 15 minutes. I was very scared, I didn't know what I wanted. I took it, turned it over... it was positive. The strip was not clearly certain, but it was visible. I threw her on the ground and started sobbing. I didn't know where to put the situation. I didn't know whether to be sad or happy. Whether this is good or bad. My emotions were swirling. On the one hand, I didn't want children. Because being pregnant sucks. Why is it painful to suffer so much?! Is it born and the world makes sense to you?! Bound I believe. It is born and then it is like a lifeless figure. He can't do anything. What's good about your body changing, because you fought so hard to make it look the way you want. Give birth and suffer for hours in front of doctors who try to calm you down when you are nervous. Then breastfeed like a cow. This is desecration. Then take care of him for 18 years just because you didn't defend yourself ONCE. On the other hand, I dream of having a big family for whom I live, who are always there no matter what! Where there is togetherness and love. Where it is good to return home.A large family with at least 8 children. One or two are similar to the other adoptees. They love whatever you do. If you look around the house and there is dirt, you are happy because it is their clue that they are there with you. You're constantly spinning, you don't have a spare minute. You take one here and another there. There is chaos, madness, madness. It's all contradictory like my life. I never know what I want! But even now I feel that I really want him! While Charles was going upstairs, he probably heard me crying and came in. I lay there on the floor swimming in tears. The baby inside me was lying face down in the fetal position.