Wild One | Bbangsaz

Chapter 18

Minji's

It's been two weeks since Hanni's pregnancy tests came out positive. Two weeks since we were together. And I'm slowly but surely losing my damn mind. I'm pretty sure half of my staff is ready to quit with how on edge and snappy I've been.

Although I'm dying to see her, I have no convenient excuse to call, now that we've succeeded at the entire reason we started sleeping together. I would have to come out and admit that I just want to be near her and ask if she wants that too. And I already know that leap of faith wouldn't end anywhere happy. We're both so independent-we'd probably never work-yet I'm having a hard time remembering why.

But, damn, I can't deal with this much longer. I can't even seem to relieve tension by myself. At some point, I realized that if she doesn't need me to have a high sperm count anymore, my dick belongs to me again. That I can go back to jacking off whenever I want. But the first time I tried, I ended up stopping after a few halfhearted minutes because it wasn't any fun-and I haven't bothered with it since. I don't want to use my own hand, alone in an empty penthouse. What I want is Hanni, but she's slipping further away by the day.

Trying to convince myself that she still needs me, that our connection doesn't need to be broken just yet, I started obsessively researching pregnancy. I ordered books online and had them shipped to me overnight. I read medical articles and mommy blogs in my office while I was supposed to be working. What started as an attempt to quiet my neurosis soon backfired, though, because I became genuinely terrified of all the dangers lurking in pregnancy.

Jesus Christ. I'm perched on my sofa after work, my eyes glued to my latest purchase, speed-reading a litany of bloodcurdling hazards. Gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, early labor, infections, a thousand other potential complications.

No wonder "died in childbirth" is such a cliché of old tragic stories. How the fuck has the human species survived this long when there are so many things that can go horribly wrong with reproducing?

I force myself to put the book down and try to calm my breathing. This is only driving me further down the rabbit hole than I already am. She's perfectly healthy, I tell myself firmly. Hell, I'll prove it. I grab my phone and text Hanni, Are you feeling well? There. I'll hear straight from the horse's mouth if anything is wrong, but there definitely won't be, so I have no reason to lose my marbles.

I can't sit still. I pace around my living room until she replies, I'm fine.

Shit ... that was the exact response I hoped for, but it doesn't calm me down at all. I text her back, Are you sure? Any pain, nausea, fatigue? Cravings? I can swing by the store later if you want me to pick something up. Some distant part of my mind whispers that I'm acting like a lunatic and I need to back off, but I can't stop myself.

No, I promise, she replies, I'm totally fine. Relax, Minji. I can just picture her expression right now, amused with a touch of gentle exasperation.

"See?" I say out loud. "You heard the lady. Chill out."

Then my phone buzzes again. Except ...

The bottom drops out of my stomach. Except what? What is it? I rush to type back.

A minute, then, Never mind, it's no big deal.

I almost let out a hysterical laugh. Holy shit, she can't just backpedal on me like that. Please tell me what's wrong before I have a panic attack. I type frantically, correcting a myriad of typos as I go.

Sorry. Didn't mean to worry you. It's just ... you've obviously been doing some research, did you come across anything about increased libido during pregnancy?