Never Mind | #yoonmin

8

The restaurant is pleasantly quiet and the food just as good as always. The sound of the sizzling meat on the grill makes me lick my lips in anticipation. I patiently watch Hoseok flip the meat and I pour us some more soju. Evenings with Hoseok make me feel like we're still young and innocent in Daegu. Well, innocent is definitely not the right word, naive would be more appropriate. We thought drinking and hanging out in the streets late at night was one of the coolest things to do. Luckily our grades didn't suffer that much and we got out of high school quite alright. Even though we now both live in Seoul, we don't get to meet so much because of our big boy jobs, so I value evenings like this with him very much. Hearing his laugh makes me feel at home.

"Yoongi-ya, when are you finally going to invite me on your show, huh?" Hoseok jokes while grabbing a pair of scissors to chop the meat in bite-sized pieces.

"Ha, actually, we're going to have a dance group on the show soon, so having a choreographer as a guest might not be that out of place anymore."

"Oh really? Who?" Hoseok looks up from his meat crafts.

"Jimin and Jungkook from Lachimolala." I try to hide my smile. Jimin called me yesterday to tell me he'll do it. He also thought Jungkook would be great to have on the show as well because he's the latest addition to the team. He could share what it's like as a new member while Jimin can talk more about the history of the group. I haven't even told Jisoo yet about Jimin picking Jungkook, she's going to faint for sure.

"Oh! They're great! I've watched basically all of their videos, I'd love to work with them some day." Hoseok sometimes forgets he's one of the most wanted choreographers in South Korea and that he can probably just offer to work with them himself.

"Why don't you just ask them?"

"Well... I don't know... There should be a good reason. Anyway, isn't that the Jimin you told me about?"

"Yeah..." I scratch the top of my head. I told him I had a little crush on Jimin but that it's better if we just stay friends since Jimin is the serious relationship type.

"Ooohh... How are things between you two?" Hoseok grabs his soju and we cheers before emptying the little glasses and loudly place them back down on the table.

"Ehh, things are just... normal I guess. We're friendly. We talk when we see each other in the building, we chat on Kakao, if there's a good reason we call, but nothing more really."

"You call?? That's unusual for you." Hoseok grabs his chopsticks and points them at me before grabbing a piece of juicy meat.

"Yeah well, it only happened a few times, nothing regular or anything. But Jisoo says he's flirting with me. I don't see it though." I pop a piece of meat in my mouth as well and look at Hoseok from under my brow to see his reaction.

"Ha, didn't you say Jisoo is a huge hopeless romantic? I wouldn't take her too seriously about that then."

"Mmm... Right..." I sigh and pour more soju in our glasses.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to sound so negative..."

"It's okay, he really shouldn't be flirting with me anyway. I can't give him what he wants."

"Yeah, better not get wrapped up in something complicated like that." Hoseok nods. Because he knows me so well for so long he is one of the few people who can really tell the difference in my mental health since I've stayed single by choice. For the last 2 years, or 2,5 almost already, he keeps telling me I am way more cheerful because of it. Which is true.

"But you know..." Hoseok continues, "you also shouldn't hold back too much if you really like someone, just because you made this decision a couple yours ago." He grabs the soju glass and we cheers and drink while I feel my eyebrows drop into a frown.

"Hoseok, I know you're also a hopeless romantic, but you've always been supportive of my decision to be alone."

"Sure, but didn't you also say yourself that you don't necessarily want to stay single forever, you just want to do what makes you happy. And for the last couple years being single has made you happy. That's fine. But what if that changes?"

"Well yeah... I ehh... I have said that indeed. But I don't think anything has changed yet."

"Alright."

Hoseok's words make me nervous. It's true that I haven't signed any contract with myself to just stay single forever and ever, but the idea of starting another relationship makes me dizzy. I don't want to repeat history, I don't want to try to make myself fit in a box where I never felt like I belong. I don't want to force anything.

While waiting for the taxi I notice we might have had a soju bottle or two too many. Luckily tomorrow is Friday, nothing much usually happens on a Friday. I pop my headphones in and listen to the artist which Jimin recommended to me. Do I just like them because it was Jimin's recommendation, or because it's the perfect vibe for a tipsy spring night? I let my body sway to the rhythm while enjoying the effect of the alcohol. My thoughts carry themselves in and out of my brain and the world feels a bit more exciting than it really is. It makes me wish that I was back in Daegu with Hoseok, carelessly drinking in the streets. But no, I'm waiting for my taxi while already regretting drinking just a bit too much on a Thursday. At least nobody is home waiting for me, nobody who asks me questions about where I've been, why I drank so much, why I didn't tell them I'd be late. Is this freedom?

My phone buzzes. And again. Again. Is someone calling me? I grab my phone from my pocket and answer immediately when I see my favourite name on the screen.

"Jimin-ie, what's up?"

"Jimin-ie?" Jimin giggles and my stomach tickles hearing the sweet sound.

"Yes, you're Jimin-ie."

"You never called me that before... cute..." More giggling.

"Why did you call me? It's late." I check the time on my watch, it's just passed midnight.

"Ehh, you just called me?"

"No I didn't." I definitely didn't.

"Yes you did." Jimin assures. I check my call history quickly and find out he's right. I just called him, how? Tipsy fingers pocket dial?

"Oh, I see it now, weird. Must have been a pocket dial. Sorry..."

"Oh okay... Well, then... have a good night Yoongi hyung."

"Wait! Don't hang up." I let the alcohol speak for me, I can't let this unusually fortunate pocket dial accident go to waste. I want to hear his voice just for a bit longer, while I'm still feeling like the world is exciting and full of possibilities. Before the alcohol drowns in my body and changes into a sour headache.

"W-why?"

"Because... that would be too soon. Tell me about your day."