Idyllic

Mine🌼

🌼🌼🌼

Fin's pov:

I'm doing it again. Getting overly attached to people who doesn't give two shits about me. My mother was no exception. Occasionally, I would find myself seeking her unattainable love and validation, things of which she never granted me till the day she exhaled her last breath.

I thought my life would be over after her death. I thought my heart would shatter to a million pieces like fragile glass shards. I thought I would suffer through a never-ending pit dark depression.

But strangely enough, I did not shed a tear.

I didn't feel a stabbing pain in my heart or a paralytic numbness in my soul, like most of those who experience heart break at a loss of a loved one would. Instead, I scoffed. I scoffed at the fact that her life was taken so comically. For the longest moments I thought that there must have been something wrong with me. Did I even possess a heart if I couldn't even grief for my own mother?

But then I came to a conclusion. I have no heart for those who do not have a heart for me. Was it to justify my anti-social reaction?, I don't know but all I know is.

Nami, is a completely different story.

Yes, held in the choke hold by my desperation, I might have slightly used some form of my back-up manipulation tactics on her. But, I didn't mean any harm. All I wanted was safety and security. Qualities I  observed she could provide.

I have no basic experience of the world outside the Costellio mansion. Since, I have grown up there my whole life was sheltered behind the tall metal gates, whilst only my mother went outside into town to ashamed too be seen with a 'bastard' child like me.

Instead I learned everything through books. It was the only connection I had that gave a glimpse of the outside world. It makes more sense now why Nami is so against me being with her besides her reasons why before. I lived in an unrealistic fantasy world. Life wasn't like those romantic novels I've read.

But yet, still I find myself drowning in her. This is wrong. This is so unhealthy. I am aware of this but I can't help but cling to her. Want her. Need her.

I fucking need her.

She's sleeping. I listen to the soft snores coming from her parted lips. I skim my eyes over her profile. The moonlight is illuminating her beautiful brown skin. Her hair is in some sort of cap I don't recognize. Her lips are plump and mostiorized and those chocolate brown eyes are covered in a butterfly printed sleeping eye mask. The white sheets lay at her feet exposing her skimpy pajamas. Short booty shorts and a tank top.

I find my eyes lingering on her butt.

God, I'm such a pervert.

I snap my eyes away. Heat rushes to my cheeks making them tingle. I rest my head in my palm as I am positioned on the floor beside her bed.