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there was two cups of coffee on the windowsill near the ramen makeshift self-serve. i sat next to tendou, his hand clutched in my own as he stared at the dark headlights outside.
he took a deep breathing before speaking.
"in high school, during the third year-my parents had a divorced and my mother took custody over me and my sister."
"i, wanted to be with my father purely because i was closer to him and i didn't seem comfortable around my mother that much. but there was nothing i could do." he sighed, i squeezed his hand. "because, the women were favored the most in court."
"my mother after the divorce was a bit, crazy. she used to be strict on grades and sports, controlled my sister's clothing style and made a rule that we had to tell her everything. i just thought she was paranoid." he sighed softly, shoulders slumped forward.
"i remember she once broke my sister's wrist because she didn't tell her about a school trip, it resulted in the police pulling up. she stopped. a year passed and although the rules applied, the abuse stopped and my mother gained a man."
"a very nice man, as i thought, but he supported my mother's actions and supervised my volleyball games and skills. i felt inferior because he kept commenting and that is the reason why i didn't take the volleyball scholarship. he burnt my passion and set my motivation in the air to never return."
he took a sip of the coffee, which had gone cold, "my mother and that man dated for two years, in those two years-i began to smoke and gain habits that weren't.. okay." he glanced down at his arms before looking at me, i sent a small reassuring smile, "i lost a lot in those four years, including my passion, motivation, hope and trust."
"the actual traumatic stuff happened when we went to on holiday together to a resort near the sea. we went as a family, three rooms and we were all separated. my mother and her boyfriend were swimming in the ocean near the cliff since the resort was part of that."
"i was alone with them, my sister in her hotel room and i, ready to swim. until i.. saw her.. i was too..." i saw his eyes flash with images, his lips trembling at the impact before he blinked continuously, i squeezed his hand reassuringly. talking about trauma will never be easy.
he stopped talking. "i'm sorry." he stood up, hands leaving my own as i followed.
"tendou?"
"i can't.. i need to." i grabbed his arm, plunging into his chest. "we don't need to carry on, just stay." he stopped, trembling before he brought an arm up to wrap around me and I leaned on his chest, hearing his thundering heartbeat.
"i can't talk about this.." he whispered softly, burying his head into my shoulder, "i can't, I can't" he repeated as i held him with such a tight hold. "we won't. we won't talk about it, let's talk about amusement parks or star constellations."
he buried his head into my shoulder, breathing me in. tendou collapsed against me and i felt him pressing his weight onto me, relying on me and i have never been happier in my life. "it's okay, you can tell me whenever you want, i'm here for you."
i rambled on. "take it slow, i won't leave just because you want to take your time. i'm here for you, no matter what."
