Museum Studies

Two Halves

"Oh my god, like, what happened?"
"Jotaro-Kun, what did you do?"
"I didn't mean to hit her so hard, good grief..."
The being they were all regarding slowly opened their eyes and stood up. They didn't seem to recall Jotaro being so short, or Joseph staring at them with such shock and horror on his face.
"Roberta, is that you?" Kylie asked, looking totally astounded.
Roberta... Yes, that was their name. Or was it? No, their name was Wamuu. The being looked down, seeing a pair of large hands with pale brown skin, the fingernails painted black. Black wristbands with golden spikes wrapped around their wrists, and they lifted a hand to push a stray strand of blonde and pink hair from their face.
"Who am I?" They asked. Kylie looked anxious, but reached into her bag and pulled out a compact mirror.
"Don't go near it!" Jotaro glared. "It's dangerous!"
"THEY are half Roberta." Kakyoin snapped. "Kylie, let them see themself in the mirror."
"Um... Here you go?" The blonde squeaked, handing over the compact. The being looked into the tiny mirror, and gasped at the sight before them.

Shoulder length blonde hair that faded to pink, crowned with a ringlet of silver hamon chains, with a horn protruding from under their messy fringe. A mixture of a pink, square tattoo and smeared black eyeliner streaked their face, the features including Roberta's Cupid's bow mouth and Wamuu's broad nose. Many silver rings decorated their ears, alongside ones in their lip and nostril. The being was muscular and lean, with wide hips, standing at about 7 feet tall. And their clothes were a bizarre, eclectic mix of Wamuu's traditional garb and Roberta's alt style, all finished off with two daggers piercing their chest, and black gladiator sandals with roller wheels on the soles.
"What am I?!" They yelled, two voices in one, neither male nor female.
"And here I was, locking away that arrow for a reason..." Joseph muttered.
"What?" Jotaro asked.
"The wooden handle- when pierced by the splinter, a stand user and non-stand user can fuse into one being."
"So that THING is Roberta and Wamuu?" Jotaro yelled.
"Stop calling them a thing, you meanie." Kylie pouted.
"Jeez, sorry. But Gramps, do you know how to reverse this?"
The old man only shook his head at this.
"Nope!"

Jotaro sighed, and turned to the fused being before him.
"I don't know who or what you are, but you need a name. Something that fits the both of you."
"Ooh! Whamerta!" Kylie squealed.
"That'll do." Whamerta replied, newly christened. "Jotaro, what happened to us? Tell us, human!"
"You fused to each other and became one being. And no, I don't know how to reverse this." He sighed.
"Maybe we should ask Avdol!" Kakyoin said. "He'll know what to do!"
"Oh, sure, drag a half-pillar monstrosity to him. He'll love that. Just get this thing fixed and out of my sight."
And on that, Jotaro stormed out. Kakyoin followed him with an apologetic glance, leaving just Joseph, Kylie and Whamerta in the room. Whamerta sighed, feeling like absolute crap. Roberta was going to lose her job because of Wamuu, and Wamuu would surely be frozen into stone because of Roberta. No wonder that their masters hadn't tried to find them, or that Mark had tried to hurt them- they really were just a tool for others to use and discard.
"I can't fight ya, Whamerta, because I'll hurt Roberta. So I'm calling a truce- for now!" Joseph said. Whamerta turned to Kylie, and took her hand in theirs.
"Kylie, what's happening? Please, I need your help. If I'm half Wamuu- won't the pillar men be after me?"
Whamerta tried to call on LDG, just to get radio silence. Absolutely nothing, as if a chunk of their soul was missing. They sighed, feeling a gust of wind ruffle their hair, as if it obeyed them.
"Don't worry, Whamerta. I'll get you to those two real clever old men, and we'll get you out of this!" Kylie replied, hugging her friend."
"But how will we find them? I stick out like a sore thumb! I'm a 7ft intersex Aztec punk bodybuilder!"
"I have a car, and some pretty good luck. And I'll take Joseph too, in case they think you're a pillar man trying to trick them."
"Yay! Thanks, pink lady!" Joseph cheered.

"Pink Lady" was apt. Kylie's car was a bright pink convertible, with fluffy dice, white leather seats, a multitude of cutesy things on the dashboard, a fluffy leopard print steering wheel cover, and those eyelashes that you stick on the headlights. "COME ON BARBIE, LET'S GO PARTY!" read the sparkly bumper sticker, and Whamerta stared in disbelief.
"This is the car? We'll be a sitting duck!"
"No we won't. Cause I'm lucky!" Kylie smiled. She got into the driver's seat, the car's colour matching her Juicy sweatpants.
"Ooh, bagsy the driver's seat!" Joseph cheered, pulling himself in and throwing his wheelchair into the backseat. Whamerta got into the remaining seat, noticing the dozens of squishmallows staring at her from behind the backseats.
"Let's go, Malibu Stacy!" Joseph yelled. "Can we get some McDonald's on the way back?"
"Ok, but we've like, totally gotta go to the bookshop first." Kylie said, pulling out of her parking space with a lipsticky grin. Her stand seems to work wonders, as it was green lights all the way there. Any cops just waved at them, and even the lycra-clad cyclists gave them thumbs-up.
"How the hell are we so undercover in this?" Whamerta asked.
"It's just a little bit of luck!" Kylie smiled. "Oh, look, we're here already! And there's a parking space too!"

Polnareff lay on the bed, dressed in nothing but lacy white lingerie, his prosthetics unclipped and red rose petals strewn over the silk sheets. He'd been cuffed to the headboard by his one remaining arm, paying and gasping with want.
"Mon magicien, I need you..." he purred, as Avdol stepped forward, wearing nothing but those black leather trousers and that chest harness that used to make him go wild when they were out in the club scene (gawd, that holiday to Berlin!)- and still made him weak at the knees.
"Oh, Jean Pierre, you naughty boy. I'm going to have to give you a proper, hard..."
BRRRRRRRRRING!
Both of their heads snapped around at the doorbell ringing.
"Visitors? It's 10pm!" Polnareff sighed as Avdol undid his cuffs.
"Lemme guess, this is gonna have "To be continued..." The fortune teller sighed as he pulled a dressing gown over his scandalous attire. He reattached Polnareff's prosthetics, and the Frenchman quickly pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old t shirt as he got into his wheelchair.
"Who's there?" Avdol grumbled, walking downstairs and opening the door to find Kylie, Joseph and... He didn't know who the third person was, but they were built like a brick shithouse.
"Hiii, Mr A! Roberta got poked by a weird arrow and fused into her Pillar Boyfriend, and we need a cure. Pretty please?" She asked.
"I'm sorry, she got fused to her WHAT?!" Avdol gasped. "You'd better come in, all three of you. Polnareff, get the kettle on!"

After a long explanation, Avdol was facepalming at Whamerta's past.
"Ok, so you fell in love with a vampiric death god, did a Pygmalion and Galatea and woke him up- despite being told not to- and now you're stuck together because your shitty ex smashed up the museum? Not only that, Wamuu's grouchy baby brother is missing, and might awaken two ancient beings that could start an apocalypse?" He sighed.
"Prettymuch." Whamerta said, looking sheepish. "But if you can get us separated, then we can..."
"Whamerta, it's not that simple. The arrow is said to fuse two beings who care about each other, but they cannot separate until the two individuals are as forgiving towards themselves as they are towards each other. In order to keep them safe, it won't let the individual beings return to an existence where they hate themselves."
"What? But Roberta doesn't hate herself! And neither does Wamuu!" The fusion cried, but as they looked at the memories of their two creators, things started to come to light. Why fight so much unless you wanted to prove that you were worthy of love to a world you feared was full of those who abhorred you? And why else was Roberta such an over-apologising wreck of a girl, constantly dogged by what others thought?
"You two will need to find out how to love yourselves if you want to detatch."
Avdol's phone pinged with a notification, and his eyes widened as he saw it.
"And fast..." He muttered. Polnareff looked over at the alert from the SPW, sent out to every stand user, and turned pale as milk.
"PILLAR MAN ACTIVITY DETECTED IN AREA. ATTENTION ALL STAND USERS: GET ALL NON-USERS TO SAFETY." Read the message.

The SPW wasn't prepared for what had happened. Heading straight to New York to find Wamuu, the pillarmen had overwhelmed all SPW forces. UV lights mounted on drones aren't much use when they're knocked out of the sky by vicious sprays of boiling blood, and troops can only do so much against bone blades that deflect bullets with ease.
The Pillar Men were making a beeline for New York City.
And unless the few stand users of NYC and a half-pillarman fusion could stop them, the twilight of humanity would soon come.