Half Mine

Chapter 22

Author's Note: So what you guys should know before you read this chapter is that there may be little time skips between chapters... Generally, it's a day or two but if it's e.g. a week then I will mention it. Between Chapter 21 and 22 there is no time skip but it has been over two weeks since the team met Peter and started helping him. At this point I would say Caitlin is around 5 months pregnant so Barry and Caitlin have been getting closer during the last almost 3 months. (He found out she was pregnant when she was just over two months).

CHAPTER 22: NO WAY HOME

3rd Person POV

The team comes up with many theories and they test his vibrations but because of the combination of how long he has been on Earth and his powers which are partially rooted in his DNA, they cannot pinpoint exactly which earth he is from. There is no way for him to go back home because there are infinite earths and he can be from any one of them. Harry, Cisco, Caitlin and Peter sigh – they're all exhausted and they cannot for the life of them figure out a solution to the problem, which is saying a lot because they are all geniuses in their own fields. They rack their brains even more, but after two full weeks of countless research (not to mention the last ten years Peter spent looking for a way back), they are not any closer.

It gets late and Cisco leaves for his date with Gypsy while Harry goes to spend some time with his daughter, Jesse. Barry hasn't been to the lab since he came back from visiting Kara and Mon-El earlier. He was avoiding Peter and getting his work done - two birds with one stone.

But Barry knows he wants to take Caitlin home so he swallows his pride. He arrives at STAR Labs and walks upstairs. There he finds Caitlin giggling at something Peter said. Those feelings he was having before come rushing back, but now (after his talk with Mon-El) he recognizes them – jealousy. He slips past them. He needs to see Iris first and end whatever they had right now, because even if Caitlin doesn't want him, he no longer wants Iris.

Then his phone beeps and he realizes he needs his charger in case there's a flash emergency and the team needs to get a hold of him. He searches everywhere and goes to the last place it might be, Caitlin's apartment.

Earlier

[Meanwhile with Caitlin and Peter - Barry left to see Henry and then to see Kara]

Caitlin wakes up to find Barry gone and she feels a little sad. She sees a note from him and quickly eats the breakfast he made earlier. Then she heads to STAR Labs to meet Peter. They run some tests and discuss things. They talk about the most random things like favourite colours and old pets.

"This is nice," Peter remarks. 

"Yeah it is," Caitlin smiles at him. 

"It's been a long time since I've felt anything for anyone." 

"When was the last time you fell in love?" She asks curiously.

"100 years ago. Her name is Claire Bennet. (CLAIRE IS MEREDITH'S BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER BUT NOT NATHAN'S – FOR PEOPLE WHO WATCH HEROES). I bumped into her in a hallway. I was supposed to save the cheerleader and at the time I didn't know the cheerleader was her. I assumed it was someone else because there was mix-up. That day ended with me throwing myself off a building just to save her and then her saving me from death with her powers. So we saved each other and that was the moment we fell in love, it took us quite long to realize it though," He chuckles, "And I haven't felt anything for anyone in the ten years I've been here, but there's something about you. This is probably not something I should be saying but you remind me of her – strong, brave in the face of danger, independent, determined, selfless, badass, I could on and on."

"Thank you," Caitlin replies sincerely, proud to be compared to such an extraordinary woman. "I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I was married before to Ronnie, but there was a lot of complications and he sacrificed himself to save the world."

"I think you cared for him deeply, I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him. But you're not in love with him anymore. He's not even the last person you loved, maybe you still love."

"If he's not, then who is?" Caitlin asks jokingly but also nervously.

"Barry," Peter replies simply without a second thought. "I noticed it the first time we met and I notice it every time he's in the room or even mentioned. I understand it, believe me I do, but you're not a second choice Caitlin. If he wants to be with Iris, that's what he chooses even if he's choosing wrong... You don't need to keep giving him all that you are if he isn't going to give anything back. You deserve better than that."

"You're right," Caitlin nods, "I don't want to stop myself from being happy. I want to be happy even if it can't be with him. But who's going to want a woman pregnant with another man's baby and has a split personality and lots of baggage and has to keep secrets from him all the time?"

"I don't care about any of those things. I think that I could make you happy if you'll let me? It may not be as happy as you are with him and it may not be as happy as I was with her but we deserve to be happy too, don't we?"

"Yes, we do," Caitlin replies firmly.

They both smile at each other.

He offers her his hand and drives her back to her apartment. He walks her to the door. "This is me," She says while running a hand through her hair, "Thanks for driving me home, you really didn't have to." 

"Of course I did," He replies firmly, leaving no room for argument. Then he gives her a lopsided smile, "Besides I got to spend an extra ten minutes with you." She giggles before her face becomes serious. 

"I'm sorry we can't get you home. I know how much you want to go home. I must know better than anyone what it feels like to pine for someone you can't have," She says sadly.

"It's okay," He reassures her, "I spent 10 years of my life looking for a way back home. I've asked every genius I could find... I knew this was a long shot. At least now I know that there's really no chance, so I can do this without feeling guilty and like I'm betraying her."

He looks at her lips and she looks up at him. Then he dips his head down and kisses her sweetly and passionately. It's good, in fact it's great. She can't deny that he's an amazing kisser (it actually reminds her of Ronnie) ... But he's not Barry. While she's kissing him she can't help but think of when Frost kissed the Flash (she keeps it a secret that it was mostly her and not Frost).

 'Why am I doing this? I need to stop thinking about him! He loves Iris! He's marrying Iris!' She thinks to herself, almost scolding herself.

What Peter and Caitlin don't know is that when Barry arrives to pick up his charger, he sees them kissing.

His heart breaks.

He feels the tears prick at his eyes and he swallows but it tastes like bile. He imagine walking over there, pulling Peter off of her and beating the crap out of him. But that would hurt Caitlin more than it hurt Peter and he doesn't want to do that. He backs away slowly and then he starts running.

He runs and he runs and he runs.

Eventually he stops on an isolated mountain top then he screams to his heart's content, letting out all his feelings. He screams so much and so loud that he loses his voice multiple times but his voice box and vocal cords heal quickly and he continues screaming.

After two hours he has calmed down. He realizes that he still needs to end things with Iris because Kara and Mon-El were right – He should not be with Iris when he's in love with Caitlin, even if he can't be with Caitlin. They all deserve better.

Author's Note: If anyone is still reading this story, let me know so I can finish it because I'm feeling inspired again :). Just please note that there won't be too much of the superhero stuff and it is very much going to deviate from the actual plot of the show even more so because the show became quite Iris centric and my story is definitely not <3.