The Odd One Out (Hailee Steinfeld)

Chapter 10

    "No Hailee I'm not going." Alex said as she opened her front door. "And why not?" Alex didn't say anything as she went to her bedroom and changed out of her workout clothes. "Alex what is the problem?" Hailee asked following her and still pushing. "I'm not going to go talk to him Hailee." Alex said keeping her calm. "What is your problem." Hailee said as Alex took off her shirt trying to change. "He's my ex Hailee, my ex that cheated on me my goodness is that what you wanted to hear!" Alex said shouting at Hailee as she grabbed some of her pajamas and headed into the bathroom to take a shower. She closed the door and locked it setting her clothes on the counter. Tears welled up in her eyes she had never yelled at anyone like that in a while.

I'm so stupid what was I thinking now she hates me right when we were staring to become friends again.

Tears spilled over the brim of her eyelids as they fell down her face. She looked up at the mirror quickly wiping them off because she hated crying. She hated seeing anyone else cry but she especially hated when she cried because then she felt vulnerable and if anyone caught her it was over. She sat down on the floor in front of the sink as a few more tears came down. Her breath started to quicken as more thoughts came into her head of how Hailee hates her and wants to ruin her life. Her vision started getting narrow like she was only seeing out of a tunnel. She closed her eyes as she curled her legs up to her chest and put her forehead on her knees. She sat there for a second as her breathing became more rapid. She tried focusing on anything that came to mind but it was all how much Hailee probably hated her. Then slowly as her mind fell apart more thoughts came into her head most of her mom and a few of Braden, then her dad popped into mind. December 26, 2018......that was the day that they all got into a wreck and her dad died. But what she couldn't get out of her mind was that it was her fault, Alex was showing him something she drew causing him to take his eyes off the road and look at her paper. As soon as he looked back at the road a truck was coming at them causing him to swerve off the road and into a nearby ditch flipping the car. Ever since he died her mother has blamed her everyday for it.

After about 30 minutes Alex finally caught her breath and stood up she picked up her phone and checked the time 3:30.

It's okay if I miss class for one day right?

Alex thought to herself as she set down her phone then went and turned on the shower. As she waited for it to warm up she walked over to the mirror then ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at her tear stained cheeks. Alex closed her eyes momentarily as she took a deep breath. She took off her shirt as she looked at her body image. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't what she wanted. Alex criticized every little flaw she saw on her body before taking off the rest of her clothes then getting into the shower.

Alex unlocked the door then opened to being met with an empty room. Hailee was no where to be found. Alex walked out of her room in her towel searching for Hailee, but she was gone. Alex went back in her room throwing some clothes on then laying on her bed. She looked at the ceiling as her mind flooded with thoughts. She rubbed her face as she picked up her phone the time showed, 4:24. Alex rolled her eyes ready for this terrible day to just be over.

Alex shot up when she heard a knock on her door. She swung her legs over the side of her bed and slowly got up walking to the door and opening it. Braden stood at the door looking down at her. Alex's face dropped as she looked up at him before quickly trying to close the door. Braden caught the door and gently pushed it open. Alex looked at him for a second, "Get out." "No Alex." "I said get out Braden!" Alex yelled as she backed up as her back hit the side of the couch. "Alex......I need you right now desperately...my girlfriend is gone and now that I'm looking back she never loved me never how you loved me." "Yeah well you sure did mess that up." Alex said as tears filled her eyes making her look down not daring to look him in the eye. "I know I messed up, but I have changed I promise....look as soon as I felt all the pain I put you through when my girlfriend cheated on me I felt terrible...and I wanna right my wrong." Alex calmed her breathing as her tears started to go away. She felt something warm wrap around her hands slowly and gently pulling her in. Alex fell into Braden's arms as he hugged her. She stuffed her face into the crook of his neck as he just stood there holding her. "I'm sorry" Braden whispered into her ear as his voice broke. Alex didn't say anything back to him as she slowly put his arms around him hugging him back. "I'm so sorry" he whispered again. Alex pulled back from the hug as he still held her hands in his. "Do you wanna try this again?" Alex looked at him for a moment not being able to say anything because she was so caught up in her own mind. "Please?" Braden asked letting go of one of her hands gently grabbing her chin and pulling her attention back on him. She nodded as she whispered, "Yes" Braden smiled at her as he took the hand he was holding and brought it to his mouth lightly pressing his lips against it. Alex smiled as a tear finally fell loose and ran down her cheek. Braden brought her hand away from his face and wiped off her tear then smiled at her. "Do you mind if I come over tomorrow morning." "Just stay the night." "I would if I could trust me but I moved back in with mom and she doesn't like me staying somewhere if she doesn't know." Alex nodded as her gaze sort of fell to the floor again. Braden lifted her chin once more, "Tomorrow morning I promise." Alex nodded as Braden let go of her chin along with her hand and slowly walked out the door looking back just before he closed it and giving her a soft smile which she returned just before he closed the door. She stayed still as she heard his truck start up and pull out of her driveway leaving her in a quiet room the only thing breaking the silence was the air conditioner. She let out a breath the she didn't know she was holding. For once her mind was practically empty and she couldn't think about anything even when she tried to. She finally was able to slowly walk to the bathroom to brush her teeth, wash her face, and take her meds. Alex splashed her face one more time with water as she kept her face above the sink for a second almost feeling too tired to even move. She finally forced herself to move and wipe her face off on the towel. She headed into her room and sat on the edge of her bed staring at the ground for a moment. As she sat there it was almost like she heard faint strumming of a guitar in her own mind. She closed her eyes then rubbed them thinking she had finally lost it but then she heard it again making her open her eyes but still nothing was there. She walked over to her guitar and opened it as the strumming stopped leaving her mind quiet. She looked at the guitar for a moment then slowly grabbed it out of the box laying it in her lap then strumming it just as before. She closed her eyes for a second hearing music fill her ears. She played the music that she heard in her ears as words started coming into her mind going with the guitar. She stopped playing and grabbed her notepad and pencil as her hand moved across the page as she wrote the words down while humming. Once she was done she set the notepad to the side grabbing the guitar again. Her fingers slid across the strings like she had been playing for years.

  I live in your nightmares
Your fears know my name
I've been there for so long
Now the water is flooding the cave
I hear the voices
And all the things they say
I'd bear all your burdens, but they weren't mine to take

To keep you safe, I'm
Drowning in your deepest secrets
But I still keep them
Trouble breathing
I love you, but you're my weakness
You don't know
That I'm sinking in the waves
I need to let you go
'Cause I can't carry the weight

Drowning
I can't carry the weight
Drowning

I've been fighting to stay here
One too many nights
Now my feet are caught up on the rocks as we push through the tide
I see all the memories
I still hold them in my mind
But I'm hopeless, I'm trembling, can't take it, I promise I tried

To keep you safe, I'm
Drowning in your deepest secrets
But I still keep them
Trouble breathing
I love you, but you're my weakness
You don't know
That I'm sinking in the waves
I need to let you go
'Cause I can't carry

The way that you say that you desperately need me
I'm barely alive, now I'm tired, defeated
Gave you my heart and my soul for a reason
Don't wanna leave you alone, but I'm bleeding
I've carried the weight of your world on my shoulders
Hope that we find our way back when we're older
But I gotta go to survive now, please, believe me

Tears started rolling down her cheeks as she sang not only just to sing but she was singing for a purpose. She sang because of all of her pain that she has felt over the years was surfacing.

To keep you safe, I'm
Drowning in your deepest secrets
But I still keep them
Trouble breathing
I love you, but you're my weakness

You don't know
That I'm sinking in the waves
I need to let you go
'Cause I can't carry the weight

  Her fingers made the final strum as her tears turned into sobs of uncertainty. She sat there crying as she held her dad's guitar feeling that was all she had left of him. She curled up into a ball on her bed as her dad's guitar laid beside her. She could've sworn there was someone in place of his guitar as she fell asleep.