Atsushi Dostoyevsky

A parent's pain

''Yes?'' Fyodor replies back. He starts to put on his gloves as if he knows something is going to happen.
''So you're the one who left me at the orphange...'' Atsushi mumbles to himself. He surprises himself from what he just said and soon all his emotions twist into hate.
''Why...Why!? You made me suffer! For 18 years of my life father! I was a child...I know I done something unforgivable....put you placed me in long, eternal suffering.......he's still here....I can't say it all or he'll kill me...'' Atsushi slowly quietens down, he can feel the headmaster's presense around him and if he  says a word about his actions, he knows the headmaster will get revenge in his nightmares. Fyodor looks at him confused, as to why his anger cooled down in an instant. Fyodor watched as Atsushi's cries in silence. Suddenly, the cold, stoic Fyodor felt some guilt. 

Fyodor felt something strike his heart. He saw Atsushi a bit differently now. As his son. Now, he truely did want a son to take care of, he wanted to feel what he always wanted to have, before he became this devil. A family, and his son was crying infront of him. A son who he put through suffering and regret. Fyodor wished his ability could wipe out the past in a single touch too. And here are the common mistakes many parents do. Failing to love their child, failing to make them feel safe and warm,  failing to lead them into the great future. And all those failures fell as guilt on Fyodor. Even Fyodor was confused with these emotions, such caring emotions never suited him, yet, he wanted to feel this way too. Afterall, his wife was dead, the whole world hates him and the only hope left is his son.  Something in Fyodor's leg moved as he steps out his seat and stepped towards Atsushi.

Atsushi felt a fatherly embrace around him. He was so shocked he gasped into Fyodor's shoulders. However, even if this man started his painful existence, he didn't want to move.
''I'm sorry my son, I should've been a better dad, I really did failed. I'm lucky enough to even talk to you once more.'' Fyodor said, he feels so out of place saying this. It's never what Fyodor Dostoyevsky would say, but he felt like he had to say it.

''N-no...it's okay'' Some pain cracks in Atsushi's voice. Fyodor's face goes a bit strict even if Atsushi can't see it.

''It's not okay. I am your father, you must be so ashamed....I realised that..I do want somebody to be truthful with..it may just help me with life...help me with determination..''

''...'' Atsushi stays quiet not knowing what to say... ''Are we alike then..? Are we both...somebody who can never fit...somebody who has that permanent emptiness inside them and no matter if they have everyhing...nothing can fill it...?''

''And it just cries you to sleep? Yes...we are very much alike...I'm sorry my son, maybe you would accept me if I wasn't the man who I am..'' Fyodor steps out from the embrace. Atsushi looks at him with blurry eyes. He gives a weak smile, it sounds with some hope.

''You can change..! You start doing things for the good...like me..! I believe everyone can change if they wanted to..'' Atsushi looks at Fyodor, hopefully. He wonders whenever this was a change of fate, change of his future. Fyodor shakes his head. 

''I can't. I have my goal to stop abilities, to stop the pain it gave us. Even if I drown in my enemies blood, I will do it.'' Fyodor quietly says. He sighs to himself, quite disappointed he can't change like his son. Atsushi fell quiet too. If Fyodor wasn't willing to change, how could they be father and son. Atsushi didn't want to betray Dazai and everyone else just now. Fyodor places some money on the table and turns to speak to Atsushi.

''We'll find a way. Let's change the scenery, c'mon.'' He gestures Atsushi to follow him outside. Atsushi wipes his eyes before catching up with him.





The headmaster takes a deep breath. He looks at Dazai who is also looking at him quite intensly, than he quickly glances at Kyoka. He thinks about how hated Atsushi was to these two spending their morning to search for him. Dazai makes a 'hm?'' sound to tell the headmaster to continue talking, and he does.

''Early this morning, I saw him outside with his father. His father was waiting for him here since midnight so I went to go have a chat with him. He talks about meeting with his son after 18 years and how he intends to reveal everything to him in order to get his son back. I'm not sure what the hell is wrong with that family but they're crazy.'' He stops to catch his breath.

Kyoka mumbles in a sad way, ''I hope Atsushi hasn't betrayed us yet..'' Dazai puts his hand on Kyoka's back to comfort her. Kyoka looks at Dazai and smiles softly at him and he smiles back. Dazai's expressions tranforms back to a cold, cruel one as he looks back at the headmaster.

''Can you tell me more about his past? I'm his mentor now so it would be great to know, I also got a few questions for you afterwards.''

''Sigh...fine. His father dropped him off here, saying he would come back for him soon. He told me that his child possesses a sinful skill that killed his own mother, so he shouldn't even be treated as human, but a tiger beast.'' Dazai's eyes widen in shock. He never would've come to this conclusion...so much hate for Atsushi at a young age...it didn't even sound real. But he kept calm so the headmaster would continue.
''He did sometimes tranform and ruin the orphange too, so I did as he ask-''

''AND YOU THINK THAT'S OKAY?'' Kyoka snapped. She takes some deep breath before she continues, ''He was a young boy, he didn't even understand the concept of life...and you raised him with the worst behaviour you could?!? I'm not sure how he still remains the kindest man on Earth, but I hope you get worse than the pain you gave him!'' Kyoka feels maddened, her big brother figure never deserved this past, she knew it wasn't right. She just hated this man so much now, for all the pain he caused. She wanted to lash out some more facts on him but Dazai started talking.

''Yes, I agree. I suppose you have to be arrested for child abuse.'' He says coldly, he takes his hand off Kyoka and takes the handcuff from his pockets. He walks behind the headmaster and handcuffs him as so. The headmaster doesn't resist but he remains standing there on the spot.

''I suppose I did crush a child's past. However, all bad things come with good things. He had a harsh start for life, however I will believe it will come in handy.'' The headmaster states. ''I'm proud of how he lives today.''

''We're proud too, and we didn't have to treat him so harshly. Well guess you already answered the questions I had.'' Dazai talks back to him.

Soon a tall figure walks into the orphanage. Kunikida had finally showned up, he looked as strict as ever however he did seem nervous from the sweat dropping off him.

''What is happening here? Why are we arressting this man?'' Kunikida questions.
''For child abuse'' Dazai replies.
''What children? There's nobody else here.''
''For abusing Atsushi for 18 years.''
Kunikida face becomes stunned but he calms himself down and nods before walking behind the headmaster.