Promised pain

Twenty two

Levine Romanov
Shivers cascade down my skin like rain, I grit my teeth and glare at the wall facing me, I'm dressed in one of Enzo's hoodies, and his sweatpants that are the size of my whole frame.

But my mind is somewhere else, "Talk to me." Enzo pleas, I startle and turn to him, "I'm okay." I smile tightly, feeling my muscles constrict, it's been about seven hours since I came back from the doctor.

Apparently I have a concussion from when I fell on the ground, and the cuts are shallow, he said it won't do a lot of damage except for the pain, the wounds have closed now. However, the pain is still vivid.

When I look back up, I find Enzo watching me as if I'll crumble and he'll be there to hold me when I do. "I need to—" I stand so suddenly that the world spins and He holds me. His hands reaching out as he pulls me to him.

"What do you need?" He asks gently, "To be clean. I need to be clean." I've already showered once, my damped hair is enough to prove that. But I'm not satisfied. I don't feel clean.

Not yet.

"Your body is still recovering, you can't do too much effort." I've been barely holding up in the earlier shower, "I need to shower." I choke out. My voice thick with emotions that I'm trying to suppress.

I look up into his eyes, his brows are furrowed in concern, and confusion, maybe worry, I don't even know anymore, "I can—help, if you're okay with that." He offers, and it takes a moment for his words to register in my mind.

My lips part and when I expect to feel disgusted by his offer. The fact that I'll have to be naked in front of him. Fragile and just vulnerable. All I feel is that familiar sense of security that rushes through my body whenever I see him.

"Okay." I let out in a soft sigh after. Blinking as I stare ahead of me. Anger replaces the pain that's lingering in my bones. The problem is, it's not just about this incident.

It's about what it has brought to the surface with it. The memories I've tried to hide, from myself before anyone else are loud and clear in my mind. "Levine." His loud voice pulls me out of my mind and I realize that he's been calling my name.

"Sorry." I apologize, my eyes flitting around, "Come on." He ignores the apology and holds me up, I lean most of my weight against his body, "The pain is nearly gone." I assure.

And on the physical part, I'm not lying one bit. Not at all. But my mind is where the chaos lies, I cannot distinguish the lie from the truth, the made-up scenarios and what actually happened years ago.

He doesn't reply, but the relaxation of his muscles beneath my body is enough for me to breathe out in relief, we step inside the bathroom and I look around, "I can just shower behind the curtains and you can stay here. If I need you, I'll call out to you." I suggest suddenly when I feel bile rising up in my throat.

He catches up on the shift but doesn't point it out, "Okay." He just replies gently, "I'll be right here." He lets go of me and I nod, before turning around as I strip out of his clothes.

I don't look at him, unable to see the look I assume he would've had in his eyes if he showered me, I can't even look down at myself without feeling like I want to rip my skin off.

The feeling is too familiar that it's nearly normal, a cold breeze hits my body and I sigh, stripping from my underwear before I hop into the bathtub, but when I briefly look at him before I close the curtains.

I find that his eyes aren't on me, he's looking at the wall facing him, glaring, but it doesn't erase the warmth that pools into my body, almost replacing the earlier shivers.