Promised pain

Twenty three

Lorenzo Petrov
"Don't look at me like that." Levine breathes out, tugging a strand of hers behind her ears, I tilt my head, inspecting her features.

"Like what?" I ask, too caught up by her posture to even concentrate on her words, she fidgets with her fingers, "With pity." That catches my attention as I snap my eyes up to her.

"You're the one who's looking at yourself with such a thing." I shoot back instantly and bite down on my tongue when I realize how harsh that is, but when my response makes her look as if she's thinking deeply, the regret vanishes.

Anything to get her off her current state is great. A day has passed since she's been back home. She insisted on sleeping in her bed, and I let her, not wanting to make her feel as if she's not strong enough to do that.

But i cannot deny the fact that having her in my arms has become a sudden need, and right now as I stare at her, my hands ache to pull her closer.

I've never felt like I belonged in this world from the very first day I've been brought up to it, but that moment when I held her in my arms, when she had her head on my chest, legs strangling mine when we slept on the same bed.

That did it for me.

"Ouch." She mocks, but I see the shift in her look, "I just—ugh." She suddenly throws the ribbon from her hair and my muscles tense as I watch her movements, confused.

"I'm so fucking mad. Yesterday, all I felt was shame and just the need to bury myself deep in a hole, today I feel like I want to kill someone, what the hell is wrong with me?" Her eyes glass as she looks up at me.

Her eyes searching for an answer as if she knows exactly that I'll give her one, "Nothing is, let it out, Levine, I can help with it." I suggest suddenly, and her eyes glisten.

"Killing? I'm not a killer." She instantly dismisses, "Not killing, but getting your rage out." I explain, she shakes her head repeatedly, "No no, this is just impulsive and I'm confused." She dismisses and I nod, not pushing her.

I'm confused too, but not on her same points, her current lash out on different emotions is completely normal after what she's been through, the reminder itself makes my fist clenches beside me.

She hasn't asked about the motherfucker since she's arrived here, and it's for the best, cause he's not dead yet, He's waiting for me, at one of uncle Alexander's torture chambers, the bastard shouldn't just get an easy death.

I've never felt malice like that before, but right now, I imagine the most menacing and twisted ways of ending his pathetic meaningless life soon, but I can't travel to London just yet.

First off, according to uncle Alexander. Levine's mother. Ekaterina, doesn't know about this whole incident, which means that most things that'll happen next won't be explainable.

"I want to get a tattoo." Levine's sudden decision pulls me away from my thoughts and I peek up at her as she grins, my black little heart nearly melts at the sight, Jesus Christ, "And that's not impulsive?" I pull myself together as I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Not as impulsive no." She shrugs, "I know a great tattoo artist, but you won't like it." I state as a fact and she crosses her arms over her chest, "I will." She insists.

"The tattoo artist is Rio Volkov." I let out.
"I won't." She changes her response and I smile.

"Fine, whatever." She rolls her eyes moments later and I shake my head slowly before I hit Rio up with a text, "What will you get a tattoo of?" I ask, it's great to get anything other than the incident out of her.

She's been haunted by her demons for a while now, and it's obvious to understand that the sudden traumatic occurrence didn't help with that. It did the exact opposite.

And I'm sick with worry.

I don't understand most of what Levine thinks, I don't know what goes on in her mind, and I'm desperate to get in there and comfort my girl, hold her close.

Jesus, I've never felt that way with anyone, sure, I liked some women here and there, but I've never developed an emotional attachment to any, and I never planned on doing So.

But yesterday, when I almost lost her right there. I realized the sickening realization that I care so fucking much about Levine, more than my mind can ever comprehend.

It's maddening, the way my body reacts to her presence or smile, but all I know now is that I want to rip the bastard who dared to hurt her into pieces, demolish and fucking destroy him.

I've never felt such rage in my life before, "Um...Maybe a teddy bear, just small thing on my wrist or so, it'll be cute." Her enthusiasm never fails to spread a smile on my face, but it easily falls off when I see the fraud mask she's painting.

"Levine." I start, embracing myself with a harsh breath as I try to form the next sentences right, "Yes?" She looks up, her smile slipping off too, "You don't need to do this all the time." I try to stay calm but my voice heightens uncontrollably, it's something I've developed doing to make her listen to me.

Cause she barely does that, "Do what?" Playing dumb all over again, "Act, who are you acting for? Cause I'm starting to believe the mask isn't meant for me but you." I grit out.

Her lips twist in disgust and it's easy to realize it as one that's directed toward herself none other, "Levine..." I trail off softly as I retrieve her hand in mine, she lets me pull her as I softly caress her skin.

"What am I supposed to do now? I'm lost, should I just move on with my life as if nothing happened? Or should I cage myself and cry like a baby?" She asks, looking younger than she is as her brows furrow in confusion.

"You should give each shift in your life its time, I know this isn't just about what happened yesterday, Levine, I'm not stupid, it's easy to recognize that your trauma runs deeper than that, don't try to act as if it's shallow." I start and her lips part as if she's surprised by my admittance.

"Maybe you can see a therapist if that's what you're into—" I don't even get to finish the sentence before her instant response hits me in the face "No." it's the harshest yet most sure dismissal she's ever offered me.

"Okay, no therapist, you should stay wherever you want and just drop the act, Levine, let yourself feel whatever you want at any time, don't hold back. Cause the emotions won't go away, they'll just heighten and you'll feel as if you'll burst." I ramble on, I'm speaking from experience.

Some men in our world like to pretend that they're heartless and without emotions, and maybe some are like that, but I'm not, I have a heart that's now jumping as I stare at Levine, and I have emotions, emotions that are sometimes suffocating.

It gets too much sometimes, to the point where I feel the need to kill someone just like Levine is feeling, "My emotions are opposites, remember a second ago when I said I'm so mad I could kill someone? Now I feel like I want to cry and just sob in someone's arms, what the fuck?" She laughs bitterly and I watch as tears start to fall from her eyes.

And even as my heart breaks watching each and every one of them falling down her cheek, I still wipe them off and tell her "Then cry, no one's holding you back." I flash her a smile that I'm not feeling, but it's one that does its job as she relaxes and lets the tears fall harder.

"I'm right here, sweetheart." She said she wanted to cry in someone's arms, I would've never imagined myself being that someone, but right now as I slip open my arms and she gently scoops into them.

I know exactly that this is where I was always meant to be, and as her sobs rattle in the air as she clings onto my shirt and my heart cracks, I realize that her place has always been in my hold too.

Together.

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