Cold Soup

Chapter Thirteen

Vince stared at Rody, his eyes wide with shock. What the hell was Rody doing? Why was he saying these things?

Why did he have to be like this.

"What?.." Vince asked quietly, still a bit shocked by Rody's statement. Did he really think Vince was, beautiful? Did that mean he-
"I hope I'll end up more like you.." Rody muttered, his hand teaching over Vince's scars gently.

Rody wondered if Vince had scars anywhere else, and he wondered if he could kiss them too. He'd kiss all over Vince if he was allowed to. But he wasn't.
He wasn't going to allow it either.

"You're- so much better than me.." Rody said, his eyes glancing up to meet Vince's. "You actually have a life, you made something out of yourself. I've never been able to be- anything.." He added, his voice quiet and soft.

"Rody, I am not better than you. If you knew the things I've done you'd surely hate me." Vince said, sitting up.
Rody sat up as well, and tilted his head slightly. "I could never hate you Vince, no matter what." Rody said, putting on a soft smile.

Vince looked away from Rody, sighing softly. He knew what Rody said wasn't true, it would never be true. Not after what he did.

"It's light out now, would you like something to eat Rody?" He asked, standing up and rolling his sleeves down.
"Well, I am awake now- so yeah, sure." Rody said, giving Vince a warm smile. "Alright, please just rest for now." Vince said, before leaving the room.

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Rody sat in the room alone, while Vince went to make something to eat. He wanted to fall back asleep, so badly. But he couldn't, his mind was just whirl winding with thoughts.

Why did he say those things to Vince? Why had he touched him the way he did? Why was he doing any of this really?
This wasn't a relationship Rody was supposed to have with his boss, it wasn't one he was supposed to have with a man either.

So, why? Why risk everything for something as small as feeling loved and wanted? There were so many answers, and so many protests.

Rody hadn't wanted to accept his feelings, he didn't even think they were real, he just thought he was looking for something to numb the pain of losing Manon. But that wasn't it.

He was genuinely starting to catch feelings for Vince. Feelings he didn't want to accept, feelings he was scared of, feelings that made him hurt.

He couldn't be with Vince, it would ruin everything. He knew what would happen if he told Vince how he felt, and he knew what would happen if Vince ever returned those feelings, and it wasn't good.

They'd be hated by everyone, Vince would probably lose a lot of his reputation, and could even possibly be killed or arrested.

Rody didn't want that to happen, he hated the thought of him ruining their lives. He hated himself for feeling like this, for being this way.

He didn't deserve to be happy, or to be loved and cared for. If anyone knew he was bisexual, they'd hate him. How could they not?
What he was, was seen as disgusting and wrong. He'd surely go to hell for thinking and doing such shameful things.

C'est la vie though. The world would never accept him or Vince, and they'd never be able to be together.

Rody acknowledged the fact he wanted to be in a genuine relationship with Vince, and it scared him. Vince would probably never want to be with Rody, he probably didn't even want to date considering he had a reputation to uphold.

Nobody would probably ever want to be with Rody, he was just a loser pédé. He was disgusting and horrible, nobody would want someone like him.

He wished he didn't exist, wished he could just end it all. He was sure people would be happy, sure they'd be glad he was gone and out of their hair.

But, Vince was worried about him, and he cared about him. That thought made Rody want to break down, in which he did slightly.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, as his laid on Vince's bed, surrounded by his scent. He felt numb, and tired.
He thought about the way Vince had touched him, the way he'd looked at him. Cold, but caring.

Oh, how badly he wanted to indulge in him. He wished Vince would take him, badly. He wanted Vince to touch him, make him scream and sob, hurt him until he was begging for it to end.

He felt disgusted, wanting such things, but he did. He wanted them badly.
He hadn't been with a lot of guys before, but he knew he liked their touch.

He wanted Vince to be his, he wanted to be with him. But he was his boss, and he was a man. Neither of those things were good.
He couldn't get with his boss, and he definitely couldn't get with a man.
If he did he'd be hated, by the whole world probably.

If everyone on the planet earth knew about Rody, they'd be disgusted, and would want to get rid of him. He knew he'd get rid of him if he met himself. He hated himself.
If he had a clone of himself, he'd kill it. He would beat it up, stab it, gut it open, burn it, he'd take all his pent up emotions out onto it.

Rody groaned in annoyance, wiping his tears away slightly. Why couldn't he just be something? Why couldn't he do anything right? Why did he have to come out so wrong.

The bedroom door opened, and Vince walked in. He was coming to get Rody, so he could go eat something. But, he immediately paused upon seeing Rody silently crying.

He looked at him worriedly, and walked over to him. He sat down on the edge of the bed near where he was at, and gently nudged him.

"Rody, are you alright?" He asked, getting Rody's attention. Rody rolled over, looking up at Vince.

"I'm fine.. just, kinda realized something.." Rody muttered, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face.
"Can you tell me what it is, and why you're crying?" Vince asked, gently pushing a strand of hair out of Rody's face.

Rody sat up, combing his fingers through his hair. He wasn't going to tell Vince what was wrong, he didn't want him to be upset with him.

"It's hard to explain.. I'm okay though." Rody said, smiling softly at Vince. He'd be fine, he just needed to ignore everything that was wrong with him, he just needed to forget that he was ever a person.

Vince sighed softly and stood up, deciding he wouldn't push Rody. If Rody didn't want to talk about something, he wasn't going to force him to.

"Come on, breakfast is ready." He said, helping Rody stand up. He still looked so tired, but so damn pretty at the same time.

Vince would have to make sure Rody took care of himself, and not neglect himself. He'd make sure he ate, and got some rest. He wouldn't let anything hurt him, not anymore.

He'd take care of him, just until he could get back to his own damn apartment.