What's wrong with Nick?

chapter 6

~ Nick's POV ~

10 minutes passed of me hugging Charlie and leaning against the wall taking a few deep breaths. My mom puts the saturation meter back on my finger checking to see if the inhaler did it's work. Meanwhile i feel so out of it. "Oxygen 97% and heart rate 101 right now, that's much better already." my mom tells me while smiling and giving me a kiss on my forehead. "can i go home please? i'm exhausted" i sigh. My mom nods and Charlie and my mom grab my stuff and help me up to walk to the car. 

When we arrive home i lay down on the couch right away. My head is pounding and i'm so tired. I hear my mom saying something but i don't know what. I was so tired that my eyes felt heavy the moment i layed down on the couch and soon i was asleep.

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My mom wakes me up and a few hours had passed. "do you want some dinner sweetie?" "a little bit." She hands me a plate and sits down on the couch next to me. "do you need anything Nicky?" "i want answers" i blurt out without thinking. "i am a 100% sure that all of this is not all because of anxiety and i hate that doctors don't listen to me and now i don't trust them" i start tearing up while rambling to my mom. She rubs my back "i was thinking we should make you an appointment with the doctors to talk this through, because this is unacceptable in my opinion." my mom tells me. I nod my head yes because i agree that it is unacceptable but i'm also scared because i don't trust any of the doctors i had in my life. 

I think my mom can see my body language change. "are you sure you're okay with that Nicky? You don't look okay with it" "no i am but i'm just scared because i don't trust any doctors. But i still think we should because i can't live with this." My mom agrees with me and then we continue eating dinner in silence. 

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It's the next morning and i get ready for school again. I feel lightheaded but i decide to ignore it, i have a test to focus on so i'm going to school whatever happens. Once again i take my medicine, grab my stuff and walk to the park to meet Charlie. "hi baby" Charlie says while practically running into my arms. "hi my love" i say while hugging Charlie tightly and taking in his scent. 

We walk to school and sit down in form together. Mr. Ajayi walks in and lets us work on whatever we want so i decide to study for my test. While i'm studying i realize i know a lot less than i thought i did and it's stressing me out. "Nick are you okay?" Charlie turns to me in worry. Shit, i thought i hid my anxiety pretty well but i guess not. I don't want to answer the question because i know that if i start talking i'm going to break down and i'm really trying to hold that in. I look at Charlie and shake my head no, tears forming in my eyes. 

Charlie takes my hand and leads me out of the classroom and into an empty one. We sit down against a wall and Charlie hugs me. "anxiety? or is something wrong with your chest?" he asks me. "a-anxie-ty" i say and when i say it out loud, i completely break down, as expected. I hide my face in my hands sobbing. "do you want to talk about it baby?" i nod my head yes but i don't know how to speak. 

Charlie takes my hands in his and he sqeeuzes them a little. It helps me ground myself. I close my eyes and try to breath but the only thing i'm thinking about is that damn test, that i'm most definitely going to fail for. I keep overthinking and overthinking and i start hyperventilating and i quickly open my eyes again trying to gain reality back of where i am. I'm freaking out and i can't breath and with all the weird things going on with my heart right now, this panic attack makes me feel fucking lightheaded.

"Nick my love, look at me please and focus on me" i look at Charlie but his face is blurry so i can't really see what he's trying to do. "Nick, hey, take some deep breaths with me. In through your nose for 4 and out through your mouth for 6" he says and i try to follow him. It takes me a while but eventually i calmed down and i let out a sigh. "it's okay Nick, you're okay now. Can you tell me what's going on?" 

"t-this test, i'm go-going to f-fail! i c-can't do it! I didn't study enough i've been f-feeling so bad and in the hospital i didn't study! I can't do it!" i ramble out all stressed. "Nick. It's okay, deep breaths, i know you can do it! And if you really feel like you can't do it right now then we're going to talk to Mr. Ajayi or Mr. Farouk right now. They know what's been going on, i'm a 100% sure they can arrange something for you."

"c-can w-we do t-that pl-please?" i stutter. "yes ofcourse, but i want you to feel totally okay first" Charlie says while giving me a kiss. I wrap my arms around him "cuddles" "haha alright then, just for a little bit" Charlie giggles.

We're cuddled up together for a little bit and i don't want to let go but Charlie sits up again. "nooo come back" i whine. "Nick if you don't want to do the test we should go to a teacher because you're test starts in an hour." Charlie tells me, trying to look seriously, but obviously failing. "okay fine 1 minute"  i tell him and i take a few more deep breaths trying to shake this anxious feeling away. I stand up and that was an incredibly bad idea, i get super dizzy right away and i fall back. 

"Nick!" Charlie panics. I close my eyes and hold my head in pain, it's pounding like crazy. "Nick! are you okay?!" i motion to him to give me a minute to compose myself. A few minutes go by and Charlie moves my chin up and i open my eyes "baby can you tell me what's wrong please?" "i got really really dizzy and my head is pounding" "do you want to go home?" i nod my head yes. I don't want to be at school a second longer. 

"lets go and talk to Mr. Ajayi and then we'll call Sarah, alright?" i nod my head yes. "but i don't think i can stand up yet" i tell him. "should i go get him?" Charlie asks. "please don't leave me here alone, i'm scared i'm going to pass out, i'm seeing a lot of black dots." i say while closing my eyes again. "here eat these" Charlie says while handing me a pack of salty snacks or something, i look at him confused why i need to eat those right now. "salty things help with low bloodpressure, i looked it up" Charlie says while smiling at me. This is the cutest thing ever. He search everything up and brought me stuff just in case. "thank you. i love you" i say while placing a kiss on his lips. I eat the salty sticks and it does help a little to be honest, that's great. 

A little while later we go to Ajayi's room together and we sit down with him. "everything okay boys?" he asks us and i look at Charlie, hoping he can tell him because i don't want to cry again. "With everything going on with Nick right now, he's just not ready to take his test he has next period. It's too much for him right now and with being in the hospital and struggling and everything he didn't have that much time to study and we wondered if you could arrange something for him? So that i can take him home now, because he's not doing good." Charlie explains to Mr. Ajayi while i'm just fiddling with my hands. I feel so anxious just thinking about that test. "I can definitely arrange something for you Nick. Go home and rest, okay?" I look up at him and smile gratefully at him. We leave his room and then Charlie walks me home.