<15.1.24>
I'm back and I almost forgot to write another entry...
I just want to start with a few words about this morning, because it feels important that I write it down.
I had a little panic attack this morning over something a bit 'small'. At first, I was almost a little bit convinced that I'm fine with 'change' and that it doesn't bother me. But as days pass I realise how much change bothers me. I think I just didn't imagine it in the right context, so I assumed that it was something that actually has bothered me before.
I felt a little bit mentally overwhelmed this morning with four tasks in my head that I couldn't put in order. So, I wrote a little checklist for myself as always, and I quickly felt relieved and organised.
However, later as I started to achieve the tasks, there was a small change made to my plan.
I wanted to make food for myself in a very specific way, but then I was told to add things to it that I didn't want, and I soon got frustrated. There were several little things after that, that went slightly south and then suddenly I felt so incredibly overwhelmed that it is even hard for me to believe my own story.
A lot of the time I just feel very out of control with my emotions that it just makes me want to crash and silence my emotions and all of the loud thoughts running through my head.
Earlier today right after I had that panic attack, I wrote a little note that said:
"I just had a panic attack for 'no reason' and if I think about it again I'll probably start crying and hitting my head and pulling on my hair- I feel so stressed rn and it's for a stupid reason
I hate myself, a lot."
When I look back at it, it seems like I was overreacting but I really did feel as though I was just completely falling apart and shutting down. It always seems to be like that.
Anywho- I feel better now. I'm currently having a sleeping over with one of my old close friends as I'm writing this message. It's 11:15pm and everything that happened this morning felt like forever ago to be honest. I think that's a good thing...?
Anyways, I'm glad I took the time to write this. I think I will just continue to work on my little crochet project right now until I get tired, and then I will soon head to bed :)
Goodnight~...
—Yuna
YOU ARE READING
the Lost & Unfound : my diary
RandomA book about my search for my 'home' in this world, my cries for help and comfort, seeking for hope/happiness, my vents about absolutely everything... and if you've come across this, hi! My name is Yuna :)
