It's been a year. How do I love myself? I thought that was just something stated now and then, with no legitimate meaning.
Irritably, I know I'm lying (it's just an excuse I use).
Now that I think of it, I never actually had the time or I was always too invested in something else. For example, all I've ever thought 'When will my mother come back?' 'When will I be happy?', that's all I've ever felt as much as it pains me to say.
I've been so fastened on waiting for when I'll be 'happy', when I'll feel 'whole', I've been chasing after this feeling my whole life. 17 years of misery and did I get it? No.
Looking back, man it's insane. All the things I did for happiness. I was ready to leave my life in a second to feel that with my mom and I was ready to leave to feel that for some girl I only realised I loved.
Every second, every moment. I've died and died for the achingly amazing feeling but it just left me more deeper in the well that I had thought I was.
Emaline. That's a beautiful name. Emaline.
I can't help but write it out.
Maybe you can't be mine.
Maybe I am selfish to want us entwined.
Maybe there's someone who you deserve more.
If that is the case, then I will bury my tears, in the memories we had before.
But for the rest of my life, you will always be the one.
For the rest of my life, I will look back to the room in my heart.
As long as I live, I will compare every person with you in my life to remind myself that I can never find anyone greater.
Emaline. I've spent so long chasing and chasing this feeling and now I'm tired. I had that with you, that feeling that felt like no matter what happened, I would be okay.
But you were a fairytale and some fantasies are better to wake up from before it's too late.
You know what I realised? I've never loved myself. I've never been proud of myself, life has felt like a burden every second that things haven't been in standard of 'happiness'.
But I'm gonna find real happiness now. This isn't so you'll take me back. It's so I'll find myself and realize that even I deserve to feel happy too.
I love you, Emaline.
Now and forever.
YOU ARE READING
The Things We Do For Happiness
Teen FictionThis book is about a boy named Arlo, who is a teenager but unfortunately has had a very tough childhood, his mom left at about the age of twelve and now he lives with his abusive dad who couldn't care less about him. He's best friends with this girl...
