The Things We Do For Happiness

But I'm tired

She's calling me, my brain cells are still in tact, right? 

'I'm so sick of all this. Of you, of me, of us saying we'll let go but never truly being able to. I wish I was never your friend, I wish I never met you. Because if we never met then I would finally be okay, I wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit'.

'Emaline, I' I say without knowing what I'm about to say.

'No, let me talk'.

'We were best friends then enemies, we're close as pages in a book until you're dead to me. We screwed ourselves over'.

Suddenly, I hear noises of sobbing sprinkled with fury or paranoia.

'I keep saying one day I'll regret being with you, all of it but it's been years and I don't regret it. I keep thinking that I'll forget it one day but I don't know if it's possible'.

'The problem is that-'

'No, I'll tell you what the problem is'. she retorts.

'You. You who charmed me with false promises, you who acted like there was love between us when all I was was a fling. A fling (sobbing a bit harder at those words), just something to distract you from your pain for the meanwhile. We had no future anyways? Am I right?'

'I came back for you, just for you, remember? Because I cared about you, because you were so much more than not only any other girl but any other person has ever meant to me'.

'No, don't lie to yourself. You came back because you thought that I had finally moved on with my damn life, you couldn't bare the thought of me overcoming the betrayal you set for me'.

She adds some more.

'You didn't wanna admit it but you know you played with my heart. You know that you were just a filthy cheat having fun with a girl who's already broken'.

'Listen, I love you, for real' hoping that will calm down the tsunamis exploding in her mind because if I'm being honest, with myself. I'm tired, tired of all this. Infact, I'm exhausted.

'I was blindsided. I was 17, I was too young, too innocent to go through what you put me through. You took my childhood and screwed me over'.

Thoughts arising in my mind like wrecking balls, I just can't hold it in.

'Listen Emaline, I gave up so much for only you. I'm not defending myself for what I did but I waited for my mom for all my life, if it was the one chance to go with her then I had to take it and I'm sorry if that meant that you felt like you were left behind. Even though it was my dream life, even though it felt like all my wishes were complete, I went back, in spite of everything. I sacrificed it all for you. So I'm sorry if you're still hurt but I give up, I give up on all this. I'm tired of this, maybe my love for you is caused by the grief I had of losing you or maybe it's for real but you mean everything to me. Despite all this, I need to move on with my life, I can't stand here and be your punching bag. If you hate me then fine, I'll let you be but I'm tired'.