I had a dream
I had a dream I was flying over islands
There were so many pretty people
So many pretty faces
I talked to some birds
I fell in love again
And none of this ever ended
៚ • twenty
៚ • kingston, jamaica
៚ • 3pm
៚ • samaria bryant
Stunned.
I was completely and utterly stunned.
I was too stunned to move.
I sat, holding the book he had given me, ruminating over everything he had said.
Bryson is in love, with me?
Bryson is in love with me?
Bryson is in love with me and he doesn't think anything could change his feelings...
I planned to apologize to him, just later in the day. Bryson wasted no time in our trip to talk to me and I admire that in him. I wish I had the courage to do it as soon as him.
But besides that, I had a lot to think over in what he told me.
There was never anything wrong with us kissing. I only said we couldn't because I let negative thoughts and fears.
And I know I hurt him when I said that and ran off. Which is something that neither of us have ever done to one another before.
Yes we've had petty beef and arguments, but I know that what I did broke his heart. Which is something I'm planning to never do again intentionally if I can choose to do better.
Because I don't want to ever hurt him. I was sitting up in my room crying the night of the event because I was hurt and I know I hurt him.
That was really my moment of realizing how hurt people hurt people. But I'd like to not identify with that quote anymore.
What he said about my mom, solidified everything Warren spoke to me about last night. I don't want to compare myself to mom. I just want to be myself and try to make my relationships reflect what I want them to reflect. Not what I see in my parents.
Then I laid back on the pool chair and smiled.
"He said I'm beautiful," I whispered to myself like it was a secret. "He said I'm beautiful and that he loves everything about me."
And soon I was cheesing and smiling to myself about his compliments. They made me feel like I really was beautiful. I mean, I knew I was, but hearing Bryson say it made me feel amazing.
Thank you God for Bryson.
After a lot of smiling, it faded away while thinking about all the time throughout our friendship that was wasted. Time where we could've been together, romantically.
But honestly, if I look on the bright side, at least we were able to form a strong bond and trust within each other. It gave us a chance to learn how to love one another outside of all the physical. We loved each other's minds and soul and we didn't even know it yet.
"I don't regret kissing you because I liked kissing you. I don't regret being vulnerable because at least I had the courage to be open about my feelings. I don't regret putting my heart out on a platter and handing it to you because I wouldn't trust anyone else to have it."
I don't regret kissing him either. And I won't regret being vulnerable with him when the time comes later tonight.
And if he can't pour his heart out to me and give it to me without fear...then I can do the same.
There isn't anyone I'd rather be vulnerable with and give my heart to.
"I'm so far gone in love..." I said to myself as I picked up the copy of blackout that he handed me.
