firefly | zhong chenle

CH42

"a dream is so...so vague"

-

the following day...

"The moment we put on these uniforms, the flames will be in front of us, the people will be behind us. The firefighters that lie before us protected this world with their blood, and our lives with their hands."

Across the floor of what is left of the forest, was the uniform of hundreds of firefighters that sacrificed that night. Candles were in front of each and every one of their name, and flowers decorated the area. Firefighters stood in tidy rows in front of the uniforms and candles, all with their caps off their head and held towards their heart. No firefighters cried. They just stared at their beloved teammates uniform and prayed they get sent off well to heaven. Every candle there was like little stars in the galaxy, as if their souls morphed into diamonds to glitter in the night sky.

Arin wore a black dress, holding a bouquet of white flowers, standing at a distance. She felt as if she wasn't qualified to be standing here and mourning, as if she couldn't.

"And we salute them, for their bravery, and their passion, and their love. For saving us. For being the firefly in the lives of others"

Like a chorus, the firefighters stomped once, and rose their arms to salute.

In honour of the sacrifices, in honour of them.

Arin rose her hand to her forehead, saluting as well.

In honour of Jisung.

As the ceremony came to a close, she watched everyone slowly leave. It was when there were basically no one left, that she placed her bouquet down on the floor, and let tears slip down her face.

"Jisung" She crouched down to touch his badge "I'm sorry. I know I don't have any right to be standing here but...but I just wanted to say goodbye. Thank you for everything. You were someone who I could talk to without fear of awkwardness, and someone I could lean on. Someone I truly considered one of my best friend. I'm sorry that it all had to end like this. And thank you, for being here"

;

The following day where everyone had a rest day and everything was settled, Arin's mind was a complete mess. She was set on her decision, but this decision made her heart ached.

She placed one thing after another into a cardboard box, slowly putting her career as a doctor inside this box. The moment she placed her hand on her doctors coat, she hesitated. It was like a rock was stuck in her throat that she couldn't swallow down. Her years worth of work, her sweat and tears, her dream; all sewn together into the rights to wear this coat. Until one mistake, sliced this string in half.

The moment she lifted it up to place it in the box, the door opened. Her heart sunk even more. In front of her was Chenle, with heavy eyebags and an exhaustion in his eyes.

"Arin" Chenle's face morphed into devastation upon seeing her pack her things away "What are you doing"

"I'm trying to make it work" Arin's grip on the box tightened, a bead of tear staining the cardboard box "I'm trying to make everything work, Chenle. I'm really trying"

"Arin, everything is working" Chenle took a step towards her, his heart crashing upon seeing her break down in such a hopeless way. She was no longer the girl that held the world in her hands.

That's when she lost it "Nothing is! I killed your best friend. I destroyed your career. I ruined everyone that trusted me. One of us has to give up, Chenle. One of us has to sacrifice something for this to work. I want you. I love you. If it's between me and you, I have to be the one to lose something. I'm willing to give up this career I don't deserve, to be with you"

"You love what you do. I know. I can't let you give up your dream for me. This will all work out" Chenle tried to settle the situation, but Arin simply couldn't handle it anymore.

"You just don't get it do you!? A dream is so...so vague, Chenle. This dream has cost me so much" Arin threw her hands up

Chenle's eyes fell, his chests heaving up and down in slow motions "I can't live with myself if I let you give up your dream to be with me"

"I was going to resign anyways" Arin sucked in a breath "I have to take responsibility for my mistake"

He ran a hand through his hair, having to pace around the room momentarily to calm himself down "How many times do I have to tell you that it's not your fault!? People make mistakes! Stop putting so much pressure and blame on yourself. If anything, I should be the one resigning as captain. I've made plenty that day and-"

"You made those mistakes because of me, Chenle! It's all because of me" Arin exhaled "You can't resign. The station needs you more than they need me"

The two fell into a deadly silence, both knowing what the outcome to this fight was. Arin fluttered her eyes shut, her eyebrows stitched together in stress and confusion.

"So is this it?" Chenle lifted his head up to face her

Arin didn't know what to say "We shouldn't have lied to ourselves from the very beginning. We knew this would happen"

And neither could deny that they weren't worried about this, because both of them knew too well of the consequences but refused to face it.

"We need to let go" Arin uttered. The moment that phrase was said, the door opened and in came the rest of Unit 3. Renjun and Mark had calmed down, rushing in to apologise to her, only to find her packing her things away. Jeno and Jaemin's expression was inexplainable, as if they didn't want her to go yet they've seen this happen too many times for him to know how to react. Haechan looked utterly devastated, as if only processing what as happening now.

"Are you leaving?" Jeno asked quietly. Arin nodded her head, facing her back to them. Chenle only sighed, then shoved them apart and left the room immediately. No one knew what to do.

"You all deserve better" Arin looked at each and every one of them "I'm sorry that this is the end"

"You can't just leave like this" Jaemin said, as many nodded and agreed. More voices joined this argument but it all sort of died in her head. Her eyes were glued onto the firefly in the jar on the table, the firefly Chenle had gifted her. She contemplated whether to bring it with her, but she didn't want to latch onto a memory. They weren't made for each other.

Picking the jar up, she simply looked at it whilst her entire body felt like suffocating like a rock was stuck in her throat.

"Can you guys please leave" She said those words with such force, everyone seemed to become quiet immediately. Silently, the firefighters looked at each other, and chose to respect her words.

The moment she heard the door close, she sunk to the floor. But she was unable to cry. She felt like she was empty, that there was simply nothing left for her to even have tears. She clutched the jar to her chest as a long exhale fluttered out of her lips.

Silently, blankly, she placed her finger against the jar, as if clutching onto the remains of her broken memories.

And in this moment, she watched as the firefly's light, dim.

a/n
alexa play villain by mj apanay