Ex's to Lovers

Chapter 1

In which Alfred is about to make a very big mistake

"He's the type of guy that's hard to hate, and even harder to like."

That's the way his friend Gilbert had chosen to describe Ivan, and Alfred, though it pained him to do so, had to agree. Ivan was the type of guy that irritated Alfred the most, though he'd have difficulty if he had to say how, exactly. Maybe it was because of Ivan's thick Russian accent that made even his childish way of speaking sound somewhat intimidating, or the fact that Ivan was officially tall enough to efficiently look down on Alfred, both figuratively and Litterally.

Maybe it was because Alfred's brother, Mathew, seemed to think Ivan was cooler than Alfred, which just wasn't true, or maybe it was the tiny biting comments that didn't sting but still got under his skin and itched there. Yes, it was definitely that last one. However, Alfred couldn't hate the guy, if only for the reason that his rivalry with Ivan was mostly responsible for getting Alfred through school, since he refused to lose to Ivan in any way, whether it be grades or sports, so thanks to that he studied when he usually wouldn't, and tried harder in gym. That's why Alfred reluctantly agreed with Gilbert's assessment.

"He's a guy that's hard to hate and harder to like."

That was Gilbert's opinion, anyways, right up until earlier that day when Gilbert stomped up to Alfred, practically steaming with anger towards Ivan, though he hadn't explained why. Instead he made an angry announcement.

"I changed my mind. It's easier to hate Ivan than like him. Gott, I just wanna egg his house!"

The Gilbert froze, turning his red eyes thoughtfully towards Alfred. His eyes weren't red because of tears, but rather because Gilbert was a rare albino, a fact he paid for with extremely sensitive skin that required thick layers of sunblock at all times to spare him from a nasty sunburn, and bad eyes and a permanent squint that could easily be remidied by a Gilbert wearing the prescription glasses he always refused to wear. Alfred, however, was not thinking about any of this, instead listening carefully to Gilbert's suggestion.

"You and Ivan are still doing that prank war, right?"

It wasn't a prank war, it was just trying to inconvenience each other in as many ways as possible without getting caught, branded as a bully, or scolded about it. Alfred didn't bother to explain this though, instead urging Gilbert to continue on.

"Yeah. And?"

Gilbert smirked and laughed in the way only Gilbert did, a laugh that Alfred would have blamed on Gilbert's German heritage, except Gilbert's younger brother had never once laughed in such a devious way.

"Kessesse" Gilbert snickered, "I have a really good idea."

Like all of Gilbert's "good" ideas, it was, naturally, a terrible idea, and Alfred's older brother Arthur would have been sure to tell him so if he had been around. Unfortunately, Arthur wasn't around to do so, and Alfred had famously bad decision making skills.

And that's how Alfred ended up in Ivan's front yard with Gilbert and three dozen eggs. It really was too bad that Arthur hadn't been able to warn Alfred, or at the very least, Alfred hadn't been as fast as Gilbert was at escaping when the door cracked open and the most feared kid in school, no, in the town, stepped out.