Ex's to Lovers

Chapter 59

In Which You Were Excited For Nothing Because Alfred Is Dumber Than You Thought

If Mathew and Arthur were asked, they'd say Alfred's biggest flaws were his denseness and Impulsiveness. Having thuroughly demonstrated his denseness, Alfred was about to demonstrate his other biggest flaw. 

Gilbert, who usually was pleased to go along with whatever craziness Alfred was up to, for once was not up for the ride. If it was something that would only bug Alfred and Ivan he wouldn't have bothered, but Gilbert was predicting that he'd also get sucked into a frustrating situation, and at this point, Gilbert was over the joke.

The "Alfred and Ivan are ex's/dating" prank had stopped being funny to Gilbert a while before Alfred's "kidnapping" occurred, and at this point was just a thing that happened, if not a little annoying. So it was for his own self interest that Gilbert chose to intervene When Alfred decided he was going to go find Ivan with a look that usually preceded a huge mistake. 

"Why?" 

Gilbert asked suspiciously, and Alfred looked at him like Gilbert was dumb for not knowing, and then proceeded to prove Gilbert's fears right. 

"What do you mean? If I like Ivan, then I have to break up with him!" 

This, like a lot of things Alfred said, made no sense. Gilbert, used to it, caught Alfred by the back of his jacket with the growing discomfort of beginning to understand what Alfred was up to. 

"Explain." Gilbert demanded tersely, sounding even more formidable because of his sharp German accent, and Alfred, ever oblivious to the atmosphere, wiggled free from his jacket with a slightly annoyed expression. 

"Cut that out! And obviously I need to break up with Ivan, I can't be his friend if we're dating!" 

At this point, Gilbert identified the source of the issue, meaning how he and Alfred had chosen to identify the meaning of "Like". Gilbert had assumed that Alfred was finally becoming self aware of his own feelings, but it was becoming increasingly painfully obvious that Alfred was a lot denser than Gilbert had assumed, and at least twice as Impulsive. 

"That's what you got from that? That you want to be Ivan's friend?" 

Gilbert was nunplussed. It was true that Alfred was both dense and Impulsive, but even Gilbert was shocked at how quickly Alfred went from a mental breakdown to coming to terms that Ivan was his friend so they should break up. Not that Alfred logic about not dating a friend was wrong, but that only worked when the person was actually a friend, and not someone you actually liked. 

About half a year later, Gilbert might have appreciated the fact he had this experience more when his younger brother Ludwig confessed he thought he was in love with Feliciano, which would shock Gilbert, being as the whole school and both boys' families were under the impression they had been dating for quite sometime. But at this point, Gilbert was done with Alfred. Seeing as the secret wasn't funny anymore, or even tolerable, Gilbert finally did something they honestly should have done ages ago. 

"Oh no you don't!" Gilbert announced resolutely. "Send Ivan a picture or whatever. We're going to see Franny!" 

 Alfred, who still hadn't figured out why Gilbert being stranger than normal, reclaimed his jacket from Gilbert's hand and questioned back, 

"Francis? Why him?" 

Gilbert shot Alfred a withering look that Alfred usually only saw from Arthur. 

"We're gonna tell him everything that's going on so he can fix it for you."