I Want You, Simon

Chapter 18

"What's wrong?" He asked, leaning on the door frame and slightly out of breath "You called and said you needed help,"
Samira pouts "I'm lonely"
Simon stares at her with a frustrated expression "That's not an emergency"
"It isn't? You don't know what could happen if I get too lonely." Simon stares at her incredulously "Besides, I wasn't done. I'm lonely and in pain."
He sighs and sits down next to her "Why are you in pain?"
"I'm on my period."
Simon's eyes widen at the mention of her period. He wasn't used to people talking about it so openly. Samira caught a glimpse of his face.
"What?"
"Oh nothing, it's just-"
"What, you think I'm gross or something?"
"No!"
"Then what?"
"I'm just not used to hearing it spoken about so freely!"
"Welcome to the future Dr. Petrikov. Get used to it." She kicks up her leg, and her foot
is right next to Simon's face.
"Well, what would you like me to do about that? Anything I can do for you?"
Samira thought to herself "Hmm, maybe you could massage me? But no funny business this time."
    "Funny business?"
    "Remember the last time you massaged me?" She smirks, and Simon thinks back to what turned into a full on makeout session
"Ahhh," he said in realization, with a warmth taking his face over. It was slightly embarrassing to remember, but he definitely did not regret it. "Okay, where would you like me to massage you?"
"You can start with my ankles."
"How does that help?"
"My ankles hurt Simon!"
"Okay, okay" he says with a chuckle and grabs her ankle from off the top of the couch. He stares at her foot for a moment before gripping her ankle.
"What? Do you have a foot fetish?"
He blushes and responds "No, of course not."
    "Then whatcha looking at?" she's smirking
    "Your foot is just...really soft and smooth. That's all."
Samira pushes up her glasses "That's on purpose babe," Then winks at him
Simon grips her ankle and starts applying pressure with the tips of his fingers, Samira lets out a slight moan in pleasure.
    "Ugh, this is aggravating. Do you ever get to a point where even sitting hurts?"
Simon smiles at the relatable experience "Yes. It's as if my joints just lock up."
Samira sits up "Exactly! It's like just having a body is painful nowadays. I never thought this would happen to me!"
Simon playfully scoffs "What makes you so special?"
    "Well, I do yoga every morning," Samira says in a faux air of superiority
    "Ooh, yoga." Simon seems impressed
"Except today," she adds "I was in way too much pain to do that."
    "What does it feel like?" He questioned, genuinely curious
She lays back down "What does what feel like?"
    "Your...menstrual." Simon's face warms up just saying the word
    "Oh my period. Um usually, I feel fine. But today, it feels like I can't feel anything in my lower body. Like it's numb, but also painful. Like a painful numbness is the best way that I can describe it."
    "I thought it would just be in your...crotch area though. You feel it in your ankles."
    "Yes! Your period can affect you everywhere Simon! Sometimes I get splitting headaches from it. Or sometimes I get a fever. Today I just happen to have lower back pain, as well as pelvic pain, and leg/ankle pain. Like it hurts to move my ankle around in a circle. Can you push my foot back" He does, and hears a soft *crack* in her joint.
    "Ooh, that felt great." She shimmies in happiness and Simon smiles "Why do you not know that though?"
    "Hmm?" He turns to look at her face. "Do you want me to do the other ankle now?"
She nods, but continues her verbal thought "Like, you were in a relationship with a woman for like, how long? Why do you not know about periods?"
Simon stopped to think about the answer to that question, while switching to Samira's other ankle "I-I'm not sure. It's not something that Betty ever brought up. I knew it existed, but we never really talked about it."
    "Did you ask?"
Simon looks away in slight embarrassment "No..."
    "That's why she didn't talk about it. Think about all those months that she was probably in pain, and she probably felt like she had to deal with it alone. She probably felt like she couldn't tell you about it. That super sucks."
    "Well that just wasn't something we talked about" Simon retorted in a small attempt to defend himself
    "Why not?"
    "Because we just didnt!" He raised his voice slightly and felt embarrassed after he did so. He hadn't meant to, but this discussion had him feeling very self-conscious
Samira didn't speak for a few beats, then said "But you could've. The same way you asked me, you could've asked her."
Simon doesn't say anything for a while, continuing to massage Samira's ankle, and Samira looks away for a moment, then back at him.
    "Are you upset with me?"
Simon was a bit startled "What? No."
    "Then why do you look like that?"
Simon was unaware that he was making a somewhat pouting face "Sorry."
    "You don't have to be sorry. If you're upset with me, you're allowed to be. I'd just like to know."
    "I'm not upset with you." He sighs as he places her ankle on his shoulder, to free up his hands "It just reminds me of something not so amazing that I learned about myself and my relationship with Betty." Samira scrunches her eyebrows, and Simon notices "I don't have to talk about this if you don't want to hear it."
    "No no, I want to hear it."
Simon sighs, and wraps his hand around her elevated leg. "I just realized that when we were together, that, while we were deeply in love, that I wasn't always the greatest partner."
Samira sits up "Do tell."
    "I mostly thought about myself. Constantly letting my princess-that's what I called Betty-" Samira turns her lip up slightly, but Simon doesn't see that. "I constantly let her sacrifice herself and her wellbeing for me. I can't believe I didn't notice. And you talking about your menstrual, just reminds me of that part of myself. I couldn't even be considerate with the small things." Simon starts slowly rubbing his hands/fingers up and down the calf of her leg. "And, ever since I found out that part of myself, I've been afraid of it. I mean, if I didn't know that I was doing it then, how would I know if I might be doing it again? I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to stop doing it, if I can't see when it's being done. I don't want to make anyone feel that way ever again."
He wasn't sure what made him want to say all of this, but he felt like he was in a safe space, and that this was the right time and the right place...with the right person. When he opened his eyes, Samira was staring at him intently. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it so..emotional, I suppose."
    "Are you afraid to do that to me?"
    "Huh?"
    "I was just putting pieces together. You said that you didn't want anything romantic now-although that was a bit ago- I thought that it was just about Betty, but it's about you too, isn't it? You're afraid to hurt me, like you hurt her."
He had never really thought that deeply into it. He was somewhat afraid to look that deeply into himself, but in this moment, it became clear that what Samira was saying was true. That was the reason. The reason he asks to stay platonic, the reason he wouldn't let himself enjoy things, or why he felt guilty when he did. The reason he felt apprehensive about meeting new people in the first place. This must be why.
    "Huh." Was all he could muster. It's as though Samira had unlocked a box in his brain that he didn't even know that she'd had the key to.
    "I'm not afraid of that." She speaks up after his silence
He looks down at her over her raised leg "Why not?"
    "Because," She sits up "we can take it one day at a time. I'll make sure to let you know if you start." she smiles softly "I will help you."
They stay smiling at each other for a few moments before Samira lays back down, saying "Now can you please push my leg back and let it down please!" with a hearty laugh.
Simon realizes that he'd been holding up her leg for a while, and then thought about the fact that she just now said something about it. He pushes her leg back, and hears another soft *crack*, putting her leg back down on the couch.
    "Wow, I had your leg up for a long time," he comments in admiration
She smirks at him "Are you flirting with me?"
The realization of the double meaning of his words set in "Oh, no! I just meant-"
"It's okay." She poke his chest with her toe "I can keep it up longer." She grins at him, and he feels her incredibly soft feet.
While caressing her feet on top of his legs he asks "Can I ask you about your ex?"
Samira sits up quickly "What about my ex?"
    "Marcy told me a bit about her"
    "Well Marcy needs to learn how to shut her mouth"
Simon looks away, not knowing what to say next, he just exhales, feeling awkward.
Samira sighs, laying down and says "Her name is Jacelyn. We met on Founder's Island."