Only Once in a Lifetime (TRF #4)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"Aydi, you look off." Chrizzna tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear as I forced a smile.

"Wala, ayos lang ako." Kako naman at napipilitan siyang tumango.

"Okay, but just know na nandito lang ako. Okay?" She said as I smiled.

"I'll keep that in mind." I grinned as she laughed and left my room.

When she left my tears started running down my cheeks again. I wasn't responding to anyone's text and maybe she noticed that. Tinawagan ako ni Mama kahapon and she said na hanggang ngayon daw hindi pa nagigising si Papa. I'm so fucking messed up right now.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan ko ibabaling ang utak ko o kung paano ko hahatiin. Si Hale, si Papa, yung mga test ko, the upcoming semestral exam. Wala na, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

"Aydi, may pupuntahan ka?" Tanong ni Audrey noong tumayo ako at lalabas na sana.

"Ah, oo. Pupuntahan ko si Hale sa building nila." Kako at tumango naman siya.

"Sige, see you nalang bukas." Sabi niya at tumango ako.

I want to talk to Hale. Just for a bit, I want comfort from him. Also, I need to say sorry.

I was repeating my objectives and what I should tell him in my head. Just when I arrived sa room nila sa last subject nila for today.

I peeked over to the door and a smile stretched to my face when I saw him. Kakatapos lang ata nila mag present ng something.

I was about to call him when a girl suddenly hugged him. Oh....

"We did it!" She exclaimed as Hale smiled and I don't know but I feel like shit. I ran out of the building and my tears started running down my cheeks.

"Aydien." Someone stopped me and I looked over to the person and it was Seth.

"Bakit ka umiiyak?" Nakakunot noong tanong niya. Shit, I forgot he's in the same building.

"Wala lang 'to." I said and wiped my tears away from my cheeks.

"Anong nangyari?" Tanong niya nung makaupo kami sa bench na malapit.

"Nakita ko si Hale kanina." Sabi ko at tumaas ang isang kilay niya.

"Tapos? Bakit ka umiiyak?" Mahinahong tanong niya.

"Nakita ko siyang may kayakap na babae kanina." Sabi ko at napabuntong hininga siya.

"Kinausap mo?" Tanong niya at umiling ako.

"Pero kakausapin ko naman mamaya." Sabi ko at tinignan niya ako.

"Para makipaghiwalay?" Tanong niya at hindi ako nakasagot. That's exactly what I'm going to do.

"Aydien naman eh." Disappointment was laced on his voice.

"Bakit na naman? Bigyan mo naman siya ng oras para magpaliwanag, oh. Hayan ka na naman sa ugali mo na ayaw makipag communicate nang maayos." He said disappointed as my tears started flowing.

"Hindi ko alam." I sobbed. "Maybe it's time to let him go?" Patanong na sabi ko.

"Huwag mo naman siyang sukuan, Ayen. Alam mo naman na mahal na mahal ka nung tao eh. Huwag mo naman siyang sirain nang ganyan."  Sympathy was evident on his voice.

"Hindi ko na alam kung saan ko ibabaling yung utak ko, Seth." I frustratedly said while tears were running down my eyes. "Yung relasyon namin na nasisira na, si Papa na naaksidente at hanggang ngayon hindi pa nagigising, o yung grade ko na unti unti nang bumabagsak? Hindi ko alam. Maybe it's time to let one off my mind."

"At yung one si Hale? Ayen, alam ko na mahirap pero sa tingin mo ba matatanggal na sa isipan mo si Hale kapag nakipaghiwalay ka sakaniya?" Tanong niya at mabagal akong tumango.

"Baka. Hindi ako sigurado pero gagawin ko. I need at least one of those to get off my mind because I'm losing it." Kako at napabuntong hininga siya.

"Ayen, alam kong mahirap pero tignan mo naman yung kalagayan nung tao. Sigurado ako na magmamakaawa yan para sa'yo. Huwag mo naman masyadong pahirapan, oh." Sabi niya at tuluyan nang bumagsak ang mga luha ko.

"Kaya nga makikipaghiwalay na ako. Kase alam ko na kahit anong gawin ko, given the situation I am in right now, masasaktan at masasaktan ko lang din naman siya. Kapag pinatagal ko pa sa tabi ko alam ko na masasaktan at mapapagod na siyang mahalin ako." I cried.

"Alam ko na mas masasaktan ako kapag nakita ko siya na nasasaktan habang kami pa. Masakit akong mahalin alam ko iyon. Kahit anong gawin ko alam ko na hindi ko kakayaning panatilihin siya sa tabi ko kase wala eh. Mas prina prioritize ko yung acads ko." I ranted as he sighed.

"Hindi ko pa nga din alam kung kakayanin ko pa." I wiped my tears but they were just replaced with new ones.

"Kakayanin mo. Si Aydien Rodriguez ka nga eh." He smiled as I cried more.

"Syempre, wala naman akong choice diba?" I forced a smile as he gave me a genuine smile.

"It's never wrong to cry all you want, Ayen. Umiyak ka nang umiyak hanggang sa mawala yung sakit. At kapag nawala na, bumangon ka ulit na may ngiti sa labi and face the world brightly like you always do." He advised as I forced a smile.

"I'll keep that in mind." I said and left their building.

I opened my phone and inhaled a deep breath. Typed to Hale a few words that I know won't make me feel so better.

Before sending it, I looked over to the texts he sent these past few weeks. Nung hindi ako sumasagot sa texts niya.

Elle, can the space only last for an hour?

Hindi ko na kase kaya eh

I'm having troubles sleeping knowing that we're not on good terms

I hope that you know na hindi ako papayag na matapos ito

I really love you, Elle ko

Please come back to my side so soon

I won't force you na to tell me anything

Just come back to me na please

My eyes watered and my heart ached as I continued reading his texts. There were some kind of letter forms na text messages.

Hi, Elle,

It's been forty-eight hours since we last talked to each other. I'm trying to assure myself that we'll be fine because we will be right? Malalagpasan naman natin ito right? I know we'll be fine, we should be.

Please, Elle. I'm trying so hard to fight for us. I'm trying so hard to tell myself that we'll be fine. I'm trying to give you the space that you want even if it's already killing me. I'm trying, even if when I see you I just want to run to you and fill my soul with your warmth.

Please, Elle. Don't give up on us. Don't give up on me. I'm begging you. Please, don't break me like this.

I tried to stop myself from sobbing out loud but failed. My sobs became louder as I reminisced the memories we have.

I looked over to the book on my desk and ran my fingers over it. This is the one of the products of his love for me. The love that I don't deserve. The love that did nothing to me but comfort and gave me peace. But here I am giving the love that did nothing but to hurt.

I sent the text after awhile and he also replied immediately.

From: Boyfriend<3

What's wrong, hm?

To: Boyfriend<3

Wala, pagod lang talaga ako

Ayoko na eh

From: Boyfriend<3

Aydi naman

Wag naman ganito

Hintayin mo ako pupunta ako diyan sa inyo

I turned my phone off and just waited for him to come here.

But he never did.