Sin For Me (bxb)

Wallow

Thomas

I don't know what's happened, I don't know who caused it, and I don't know why it hurts.

But if this is all I can have...

I'll take it.

"Yeah," he tells me, a dangerous smirk on his lips. "How do you think I learned how to fuck you like I do?"

I still.

I knew this already. It was evident on day one that Damien had experience, and it was more than likely that he had a lot of it. I knew when I asked him, I had incited him to announce it, it was obvious.

But it didn't stop the sudden snap of the last bit of reserve I had in that moment.

His smile dropped, and his lids drooped as he looked at me, regret over his words mixing with the desire to see my reaction.

And I know what he's expecting me to do. Or, what I should do. Ignore the sting of the words and keep going, say something just as gut wrenching only to kiss and hold him harder.

But I don't. Instead, foolishly, and childishly, I pull away as tears fill my eyes.

I turn so quickly that I can almost convince myself he didn't see and grab my clothes. I run the rough fabric of the cotton shirt against my face and press the feeling down as forcefully as I can.

Tears now wiped away, I try to face him, try to explain or say something enticing or even appropriate, but all that comes out is a series of half words that go no where.

A look of horror is painted all over him, his face pale and body recoiled. "Thomas... I-" he starts, but it too goes no where.

We both look away as we dress, shame curling in my stomach. I still feel naked with the clothes on, more naked and open than I had ever been with him.

But then I feel his hand touch my shoulder.

"Thomas, I'm sorry," He tells me, and the words don't do much but the way he looks at me...

Desperate. Scared. Vulnerable.

A choked noise starts in my throat, and a few tears escape before I can stop, "I don't know why we keep ending up here,"

He doesn't say anything, he just pulls me close and hugs me. For the first time that day, that week, hell maybe that year, I felt comfortable.

"I'm sorry too, Dame, I didn't... I don't know how to do this,"

He shakes his head against my shoulder, "We can talk in the morning, let's just go to bed, okay?"

I nod, only letting go of him long enough to blow out the candles and lay on the mattress. But after that, I let him hold me for the rest of the night, and I sleep ignoring any possibility that this could ever end.