//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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JJ asked me again today if I've told Sarah and Kie in which I haven't.. I want to, I really do. I want someone to talk to about it aside from JJ. Talking to him about it only works him up and causes stress for him because he gets so angry and rightfully so. But it isn't fair to do to him. He can know but he doesn't need to know the toll it's taking on me. I want to tell them but I'm too scared.
The more people I tell the bigger door of risk I open to them finding out the truth. The truth in which is I've been doing drugs and not lightly. If they knew how much I bought, how much I've done. They'd be so disappointed and ashamed of me. The more they know the muddier it'll get and even aside from that, they'll be upset. They'll want to make him stop especially Sarah. And even I can't imagine exactly how that would play out.
I will tell them..just not right now. I have too much I need to let rest for a while before adding another fret. Although it already is one. Not telling them is already making me sick. I just can't decide if telling them would be worse or better. I rather not find out.
I bury my face in my pillow after rifling through my drawers with hope to find something I hid and forgot about it but found nothing. The rest of my oxy is gone, I have no more pills or painkillers. Everything I had bought from Rafe is gone. I don't even have any weed and no money to buy anything..or anyone to buy it from. Barry refuses to sell to me until I get my mess cleaned up. I know he's only looking out for me but it's really hurting me. I need something, anything. And I certainly wouldn't ask Rafe, not that he'd do it anyways. Kade would know someone..but I rather not talk to him right now..
"Lily" I hear my mother call before she pushes my door open and I sit up. "Hey-are you okay?" She asks, her face filling with concern as she walks towards me. I'm sure I look just splendid, sleep deprived, nauseous, on the edge of withdrawals and silently distraught. "I'm fine" I tell her as she comes to sit on the side of my bed. "Just done feel too good" I half lie. I don't feel good, but it's not just that simple. She raises her hand, using the back of it to feel my forehead, checking for a temp. "You feel a little warm" she frowns, dropping her hand. Withdrawals will do that to you..
"I'm fine" I give her a faint smile. "Well I have to head off to work" she sighs, looking down at her watch. I wish I could buy her a new one, a nice one. The one she has couldn't have been more than fifteen bucks if that. "Twelve to twelve?" I ask and she nods. I hadn't even realized it was already midnight. She brushes the hair out of my face, her thumb brushing over my cheek. "Haley's in Arias room, I went to say good night but they're already asleep" she tells me and I nod.
