The Deal

Chapter Eleven

                    •:Beg For It:•

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I pull my lip between my teeth and chew on it. Feeling it start to sting after a minute, watching Kade as he types something on his phone. He showed up a few minutes ago. I was hopeful he was bringing some more oxy or something but he didn't..

I'm almost out now and I really don't feel like going through withdrawals again even if it was just the beginning of them, it sucked. I don't know who has him so wrapped up in his phone but I rather don't ask and honestly I don't really care.

I'm more relieved for a the moment that his attention is off of me. We haven't really had much interaction since..what he did. Only him coming by for about two minutes to drop off the oxy which I'm still unsure as to why he did. Sometimes he does feel genuine remorse, I think it's a part of being bipolar which I'm convinced he is but I'm almost certain it's just part of some game he's playing.
Him and Rafe are alike like that, they both love to play games.

"Lily" his voice drags me from my thoughts and I try to hide the shiver that runs through me. "Hm?" I sit up, running my fingers through my hair.
"You weren't listening were you?" He asks shutting his eyes and shaking his head making my stomach turn. "Sorry I..zoned out I guess" I tell but he only shakes his head. "What did you say?"
"I was trying to talk to you about the other day but evidently you don't care very much" he tells me instantly making me sick. Why would he bring it up? Or even want to talk about it? I don't want to remember it let alone talk about it and certainly not with him but I might find myself in a similar situation again if I dared to say that.

"Oh..okay" I hardly say loud enough to hear. He shakes his head, his demeanor shifting to the same place that makes alarms go off, making me stand from the bed and fidget nervously with my fingers.
Anyone else, even Rafe at times..I have no issue standing up to them, getting in their face and fighting back. I've never been one to cower down and take it but not with Kade. Maybe I was at first but I can't remember. I can't remember if I had a chance before he showed me I needed to be afraid.
The first time he hit me was over an argument about JJ. He knew I had slept with a few guys but he never knew JJ was one of them or the details of it.
He just knew we were friends and he hated it. It became so much of an issue that I had to pretend to stop hanging out with him. But one night he found out I was with him and we got into a fight and that ended in a lot of yelling and a busted lip. Ever since I've been a master at cowering to him, it embedded fear into me and now I can't get away.

"Sometimes I get a little angry with you.." he trails on. I do my best to hide the shakiness of my breath caused by the rushing adrenaline. "But you push me Lily, you push and you push until I have no choice but to do something" he tells me, his eyes scanning around the room before coming to me and steps closer and I feel the urge to back up, like like ends of magnets repelling each other.
Sometimes I do push, I'm not very aware of it when I do but he's never been one of them. How could I have pushed him into doing what he did to me the other day?
"Yeah I know" I tell him. Agreeing with him is the best way to defuse him. He steps closer to me, his dark eyes watching me like I'm prey. Almost the same way Rafe looks at me but with more hate. Even Kade seems to hate me more than Rafe and he's supposed to be my boyfriend..
If Kade ever found out about Rafe I'd be dead, I don't even want to think about what he'd do to me if he ever found out. I just hope he never does.
I really don't think Rafe will tell anyone, he doesn't want people knowing he's fucking a pogue but I should at least remind him to keep his mouth shut.