//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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I can't really recall a time I've had sex with someone then went home and thought about it nonstop. With anyone I've slept with. It was always an in the moment type of thing and as soon as it was over it was off of my mind. Sure the first time with whoever I was dating at the time had a little kick to it for a while but nothing compared to this.
It's all I thought about all night until I finally fell asleep as stupid as that sounds. And I was reminded of it again in the morning when I saw the purple marks all over my breasts. I'm only glad her didn't leave any on my neck. Although I wouldn't be completely opposed to it..I wouldn't be opposed to it. Having my neck kissed is my weak spot and Rafes mouth feels like heaven no matter where it touches me. Something I despise. I hate how good he feels and how good everything he does feels and I absolutely despise how bad I want it. The more he does, the more I crave it and I fucking hate it as much as I hate him. I have no idea if what we did the other night will continue or if he'll go back to using me like a doll and letting neither of us have any pleasure from it except his pleasure of torturing me. He sure was quick to snap back to his regular self the second we were done. Is that what I have to do? Get him so worked up that he can't think straight enough to be his normal asshole self? Except he was still an asshole just in a different way and I hate that I found it so attractive.
He's still the epitome of an asshole and I hate him, even if he's sinfully desirous.
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Kade's sent me text after text apologizing for what happened with Nico. After I told him what happened....leaving out any parts about Rafe.
Saying he had no idea he was like that and he'd never sent me there if he did. Maybe he didn't know..As much everything in me told me he did know I just can't believe it. I can't believe he'd really put me in that kind of danger, he wouldn't. Even if he is abusive and cruel at times, he cares about me. He has to or he wouldn't be with me, he just doesn't know how to show it.
As pathetic as that sounds..When you've been deprived of love from any man in your life you search for it in anything that resembles it, even in the slightest way. If you're hungry enough you'll eat whatever you can find, even if it's bad for you..really really bad for you.
I text him back reassuring him that I know that and it was just a bad misunderstanding. I'm hopeful he feels bad enough that he'll get me stuff from somewhere. Now that I'm cut off from both Barry and Nico's supply. The withdrawals will set in again soon enough and I can't go through that again. Even if I didn't have them I can't go without something in my system. The feeling that comes when whatever it is I'm on fades is just as bad and all it is is..sober.
