//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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I press my cheek against my pillow, switching it in the other direction for the hundredth time so it doesn't ache. I don't know how long I've been lying here, just lying on my stomach, hugging my pillow. My mind blank but filled with the event of last night at the same time.
Maybe if I had paid attention in English class I'd have a stronger word for humiliated but that's all I've got and that's exactly what I am..humiliated.
I don't understand the purpose in not finishing, maybe that was part of the fun. To make me feel like I couldn't make him finish. He didn't utter a word to me and the room fell silent, I only heard him take one sharp breath when he pushed into me. The rest was only the faint of the mattress slightly shifting. Not until he was done with me then all he had to say was to get out.
He couldn't seem colder or like he hated me more so why he'd want to continue this is beyond me. It's all for his own entertainment and pleasure and apparently not physically. Him not finishing only made me feel more humiliated. Do I not..feel good? Was I that bad? Was that his reasoning for not finishing? To make me feel this way?
I feel bile climb up my throat again and my stomach wave like an ocean but I'm already skidding on my knees against the tile, gripping the toilet seat as I dry heave into it for the fifth time this morning. Thank god Aria took Haley to her play date or she'd certainly be convinced I was on something. Only this time drugs isn't the cause.. I only wish that was all it was. I brush my teeth again before splashing water on my face and stealing a glance at myself. Feeling my guts turn just seeing the person looking back at me. If I didn't hate myself already, I certainly do now and I'm sure that's all part of his plan.
He's evil, he's cruel, he's twisted and malevolent but one thing Rafe Cameron isn't..is stupid. In fact he's quite the opposite. He's smart, extremely smart and always ten steps ahead of you. He knows everything before you even know half of it. He knew being used and fucked like a fuck doll would make me hate myself, that's part of the fun for him.
I get myself dressed. If you call jeans and a hoodie dressed..I twisted my hair into a braid, too irritated to have it in my face today before heading off to JJ's. It's either a good idea or a terrible one. No in between. I need to talk to him about it and tell him how awful it was so it's not all bottled up and sinking me alive. But he'll be angry. He'll see how badly it hurt me and he'll want to kill him. He already wants to kill him. I don't want that but I'll just have to calm him down like I did the other day when I told him about it in the first place. Having to fight him not to go after Rafe will be worth the small amount of relief telling him will give me.
