//Rafe Cameron\\
"You don't make deals with the devil, not unless you want to dance with him and maybe I did"
Lily Grant has spent her whole life slumming it with the pogues, being that she is one.
They're her day ones, her best friends. Life coul...
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I tug my shirt on over my head, changing out of my pajamas as Sarah goes on and on about Kie and Alex. "And I can't believe-oh my god Lily!" She shouts as I slip out of my sweatpants, leaving me in my underwear, looking up at her confused as to what has her startled as she stares down at my legs. "Did he hurt you?!" She asks, her eyes filling with worry as I wonder what she means.
Looking down at my legs where she's staring..feeling my cheeks burn red when I realize what she's referring to. The big purple hickeys all over the insides of my thighs..from Rafe..
"Oh..no he didn't..it's uh.." I I mumble, feeling embarrassed as well as unsure. I'm not exactly she how she'll take this..Not only did we come to an 'agreement' that we both get to enjoy it..which she's aware of but it's become a bit..more.
"What?..oh.. oh" she says, scrunching her nose up as it clicks before bringing her hand up over her mouth and making fake puke noises as I roll my eyes before pulling my jeans on.
"I'm sorry give me a minute" she tells me before pretending to vomit again. "You're hilarious" I say, twisting my hair into a lose braid. "What even are you guys? And you can leave out the..details" she says, moving her eyes to my legs before raising her brows. My stomach turns at her question..I have no idea what we are. Nothing? We're not friends and we're certainly not anything more, that would be the biggest joke of all time. But I wouldn't necessarily say we're enemies or hate each other anymore. "I don't really know" I tell her honestly, plopping down on my bed. "I still owe my debt, our deal is still going but it's changed a bit" I tell her..or myself I'm not really sure.
I don't know what we are. I still owe him although he hasn't brought it up in a while..maybe he doesn't want it anymore? No that's asinine to even think. Of course he does. I don't even want to think about just how much I owe him, but with everything that's been adding up, it's well over a thousand dollars, which is absolutely nothing to him and it was replaced the second it was taken..that's just how rich they are. And if he didn't want it anymore we wouldn't still be having sex. It's always been about my debt, it still is.. But sometimes I can feel it..feel this little flicker of potential for there to be more, it comes alive when my chest swells and my heart pounds and my entire body is flooded with warmth from his touch or his voice or being in his arms. It's small but it's there and it dies easily.
Or more so I kill it. It would be cruel to let it's flames grow, to even let it be a thought. I don't want that; not with anymore. The way he makes me feel, feels like nothing I've ever felt because and I'm so scared to lose it, but I'm even more afraid to feel it. So therefore it needs to be diminished. And even if that wasn't an issue on my end. I am who I am, a drug addicted pogue from the cut and he is who he is. Rafe stupid Cameron, he has the world by the tail. Even if I was a kook, he'd never want me.
