Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 1158 - 1358

Entry 1173: Friday 13th December 2019

Entry 1173
Friday 13th December 2019

I made a t*t of myself AGAIN today!

What started out as a typical mundane day ended up with me feeling utterly mortified.

I was in the centre of Cowes about to go into Sainsbury's when I bumped into Ash. He was still in a bit of a mood with me for telling Naomi about him and Yvonne but I was more bothered about finding out if Naomi was still in a mood with me. "Well, she's not very happy," said Ash. "Yeah, but it's not like I went out of my way to mess things up," I said. "You never do, Luke," said Ash, "But it always seems to happen to you." Ash told me how Naomi had gone round to see the vicar Peter Parsons yesterday, and as he was explaining things to me, I managed to get Peter's address out of him. "Oh God," said Ash, widening his eyes and realising what he said, "Luke, do NOT go round to Peter's house." "I want to talk to him and put things right," I said. "Naomi's done that," said Ash, "She's sorted it all out. She'll tell you about it tomorrow when you see her at Sails. Don't get involved. Seriously, Luke, promise me. Do NOT go round there."

Cut to me stood outside the vicar's house which was conveniently only a few streets away. When I arrived at the house, the front door was open and people were entering and exiting the property with cardboard boxes and various belongings, half of which were being thrown into a skip, whilst the other half was being thrown into the back of a van. I walked over to the front door, gave a gentle tap on it, tentatively walked inside and walked into the living room. A small space with lots of clutter piled on the sofa and stacked on both sides of the floor near the TV. It looked like they were having some sort of clear out. Next to the TV was an elderly woman in a wheelchair. She looked very wrinkly, had scraggly grey hair and looked like she was out of it. I asked one of the people who were walking out with a pile of clothes where Peter was. I was told that he was upstairs going through some boxes and that he should be down in a minute. I stood in the living room and waited. I scanned the small space and looked at the crucifix on the wall, the piles of soft teddys and stuffed animals next to the TV, and of course the elderly woman sat in the wheelchair next to the TV. I nodded and smiled her and expecting some sort of acknowledgement, but nothing. She just starred into space. It was like she was drugged up to the eye balls.

After a few moments Peter came down the stairs and appeared in the living room. He stopped in his tracks and looked shocked but also rather disappointed to see me. He had two black eyes, a bruise on his forehead and a bandage across the bridge of his nose. "Ah," he said, "It's Luke, isn't it?" "Yeah," I gently said, "I know Naomi's been round, but I just felt I should..." "Hold that thought," said Peter, "Sorry, it's a bit of a mad house here at the moment. I'm getting ready for the Christmas jumble sale at the church hall. I asked people to donate items but I didn't expect to get this many. Sadly, some of it is passed selling so we're putting the stuff we can sell in the back of the van, and the stuff that we can't in the skip. Thank the Lord for these lovely volunteers." "Do you want me to come back another time?" I asked Peter. "No," he said, "Just give me a few minutes. I need to get the old girl's food."

Again, I waited in the middle of the room and a few moments later Peter returned with pale brown ceramic bowl with dog food, but before he could do anything with it one of the volunteers came in from outside. "Sorry, Peter," the volunteer said, "We're not sure what to do with this box of ornaments. Van or skip? Can you come and look?" "Yes, of course," said Peter, handing me the ceramic bowl, "Luke, I'll only be a few minutes. Can you give this to the old girl?" "The old girl?" I asked "Yeah," said Peter walking towards the front door, "She needs food." I looked into the bowl and noticed it contained a small spoon and some mushed-up dog food. Feeling confused I looked up and I called Peter before he left the house. "Sorry," I said, "You're telling me you want me to feed this to..." "To the old docile girl with scraggly hair," said Peter, "The b*tch is right here next to the TV." "Sorry!?" I gasped. "Luke, please," said Peter, "I'm trying to do ten things at once. If she just stays there doing nothing, rub her back and she'll open her mouth. Give her a few mouthfuls and then she'll just start eating it on her own. She needs help. She's recovering from an accident. When you've done that can you put that pile of soft toys into the skip. I'll meet you outside. We can have a chat in the garden." Peter left, leaving me feeling really confused. He was asking me to feed dog food to this elderly old woman in the middle of the room. It sounded odd, and part of me was sure it was a misunderstanding, but she was the only "old girl" in the room, and she was right next to the TV. Thinking it was odd but not wanting to p*ss off Peter anymore, I approached the old woman, put the bowl in her lap, started scooping up bits of dog food with the small spoon and started trying to feed it to the old woman. Saying nothing she sat in her wheelchair and looked rather horrified. The old woman wouldn't open her mouth, so I did as Peter instructed me and rubbed the old woman's back. Her mouth started to open so I quickly shoved a spoonful of squelchy dog food into the old girl's mouth. It didn't look like she enjoyed it, but I was doing as I was told. I kept rubbing the old woman's back, and as her mouth opened, I shoved heaped spoonful's of sloppy dog food into the old woman's mouth. I managed to get about five mouthfuls into her gob before putting the spoon in the old woman's hand and leaving the bowl on her lap whilst I went and dealt with the pile of soft toys. I found an empty card box, and quickly started throwing all of the scruffy looking soft toys into the box.