Luke's Diary: An Unlucky Man In A Zombie Apocalypse. Entries 1158 - 1358

Entry 1174: Saturday 14th December 2019

Entry 1174
Saturday 14th December 2019

I met up with Sci-Fi Cyn at Sails Café today, and I took Mia with me. I wish I hadn't. As annoying as I found Mia, it was my interesting discussion with Ash later on that stuck with me. I think I've figured something out.

When Mia and I arrived at the cafe Sci-Fi Cyn was already there sat at our usual table, drinking some sort of cappuccino thing. As Mia and I walked over to the table, Sci-Fi Cyn looked up, threw me a disappointing expression and slid a cup of tea across the table to me. Mia and I sat at the table, I started to slurp my tea and before I had a chance to say anything Cyn spoke. "So, Naomi told me all about what happened with Peter," she said. "It was awful," I said. "Yes, I heard," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "Sweet Lord, Luke, how did you manage to throw the poor man's dog into a skip, then kick him down the length of his house, after feeding his elderly mother dog food?" "You know I ate a tin of dog food once," said Mia. "Mia," I bluntly said, "Whilst that really doesn't surprise me it also really doesn't help." "It said Winalot on the side and I thought it meant you could win a lot of something if you ate the tin," said Mia. "I thought the dog was a soft toy," I said, to Cyn, ignoring Mia, "Come on. I'm not the sort of guy that goes around harming animals." "Well, you did stick one end of a mop up Katie Shortman's dog didn't you?" said Mia. "God, Mia," I said, "That was ages ago. Anyway, that was another misunderstanding." "Luke, I am introducing you to vicars," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "And all you seem to be doing is insulting them, offending them, assaulting them and abusing their loved ones. It's like you're going out of your way to not make this wedding happen." "Oh, don't be silly," I said, "You know I want this wedding to take place." "Well, when you go around insulting vicars, smashing their faces into fire places and battering their dogs, it's a bit hard to believe that."

At that moment Mike and TJ appeared in the café. "Alright Elizabeth," TJ loudly said, giving me one of his hard slaps on the back, "I heard you kicked the vicar's mutt and fed his Mum dog food." "You fed the dog's Mum dog food?" asked Mia. "No, the vicar's dog," I said. "You fed the vicar's dog, dog food?" asked Mia. "No," I said, "The vicar's Mum." "You fed the vicar's dog, the vicar's Mum?" asked Mia. "No!" I loudly snapped, "I fed the vicar's Mum, the vicar's dog's dogfood." "Well, what did you feed the vicar's dog?" asked Mia. "The vicar?" laughed TJ. "I put the vicar's dog in the skip!" I loudly snapped. "And who's skip, was it?" asked Mia. "Oh, for f*cks sake!" I loudly snapped, "What does it matter who's skip it was!? All you need to know is that I made a complete tw*t of myself and now me and Naomi have to get married by a vicar who says f*ck and w*nker every thirty seconds." "What an absolute c*ck," laughed TJ, "How the Hell do you get yourself into these situations eh Elizabeth?" "Well, I think you should let me speak to the other vicar," said Cyn, "Whenever you get involved things seem to go wrong. I can't believe you kicked the poor man's dog out of the living room and into the kitchen." "Why do they call it a living room?" asked Mia. "You what?" I asked. "Well, it's called a bath room because there's a bath in it," said Mia, "And it's called a bedroom because there's a bed in it, so shouldn't the living room be called the sofa room, or the TV room? Or maybe we should call the bathroom the washing room or call the bedroom the sleeping room." "I call my bedroom the sex room," said TJ. "I could call my bedroom the gash room," said Mia, "It's where I keep my gash when I'm not using it." "I could call my bedroom the gash room but for different reasons," said TJ. "Jesus Christ," I said, closing my eyes, "Why the f*ck are we having this pointless conversation" "And why do we have garage music and house music, but not garden music?" asked Mia. "What are you on about?" I asked Mia. "Well, we have music we can listen to in the house," said Mia, "And that's house music, and we have music we can listen to in the garage and that's garage music, but we don't have music we can listen to in the garden, do we?" "What the f*ck are you talking about?" I said in frustration, "It's not called Garage music because we can only listen to it in the garage, or house music because we can only listen to it in the house. Do you think pop music is called pop music because you can only listen to it when you're drinking pop? Do you think folk music can only be listened when you have folk with you? Do you think you have to be in a trance to listen to trance music? Are you being this dumb on purpose?" "Luke, don't be mean," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "It's not Mia's fault you made a mess of things. Thankfully I've sorted it out so we can go to Gurnard tomorrow and have a look around this wedding shop and try and find you a suit, and Naomi a dress. That might put you back in her good books." "You're going outside of the walled areas?" asked Mike, "Are you going to kill some infected? Can I come?" "Mike," I said, looking at his pale complexion, tired face and dark rings around his eyes, "There aren't any infected outside the walls. Anyway, from the look of you I think you've killed enough infected. You're spending too much time at The IEC." "I need to kill all the dirty little piggies," said Mike, "Break their bones, snap their necks, and twist their heads off." "I think you need some time away from The IEC," said Cyn. "I can come with you tomorrow," said Mike, "I can help. Luke, I can help you pick a suit." "It would be good for him to get out of The IEC for a bit," said TJ. "Please let me come," said Mike. I reluctantly agreed. I made Mike promise to stay away from The IEC between now and tomorrow, and I told him he need to make sure he got a good night's sleep.

Later on, I was having a walk down the Cowes seafront when I once again saw Ash talking to Helen outside the abandoned Cowes Yacht Club. They saw me approaching them which caused Helen to quickly stand up, say her goodbyes to Ash and leave. I walked over to Ash, and smiled. "What's going on?" I asked. "What do you mean?" asked Ash. "Well, whenever I see you and Helen chatting, Helen quickly leaves," I said. "Maybe she doesn't like you," said Ash, "Let's be honest, you're not exactly well know for making friends and influencing people, and yesterday's drama didn't help, did it? You could have killed that dog? I don't think feeding dogfood to a pensioner is a good way of keeping someone alive either." "Ash, why don't you just tell me what's going on?" I asked, "If you and Helen are having sex, there's nothing wrong with that." "Christ, you and TJ are the same," said Ash, "Not everything is about sex." "Oi, I'm nothing like TJ," I said, "I just don't know why you're acting all secretive. If you're having sex with her. Just say." "Whether I'm having sex with her or not, it's none of your business," said Ash, "Haven't you got enough to be worrying about? Like planning a wedding and making up with my sister?" "I just want to know you're OK," I said. "I'm fine," said Ash, "I'd be even better if so-called mates didn't break confidences." "Yeah, I'm sorry I told Naomi about Yvonne," I said, "But I just don't think it's something you should deal with on your own." "That's for me to decide," said Ash. "Yeah, OK, fair point," I said, "But don't you think it's better to talk to your sister? I mean, I know she didn't know Yvonne, but neither did Helen." "How do you know that?" Ash firmly said, "For all you know Helen could know more about Yvonne than anyone else on this island?" "Eh?" I said, "What does that mean?" "Nothing," said Ash, as he started to walk away, "Forget it." "No, wait a minute," I said, stopping Ash, "Did Helen know Yvonne? Why didn't you just say so? What's with all the cloak and dagger stuff?" "Just leave it Luke," said Ash, "Seriously, just leave it."

Ash walked off leaving me feeling confused but after a few moments thinking about it, I think I've figured out what's going on. Helen IS Yvonne! I don't think Ash ever actually said Yvonne was dead, and as far as I'm aware he doesn't really know Helen that well. He worked at ACROBAT and she worked at GRID; two companies that hated each other. The only reason Helen and Ash could possibly have to spend time together is if they knew each other before the outbreak started, and maybe the connection is that Helen isn't really Helen; she's Yvonne! It would explain why they're always together, and why they're both so secretive, and why they're always holding each other's hands in secret down by the abandoned yacht club. I need to get my head around this. I really think I'm onto something here. Do I speak to Ash? Do I speak to Helen? Do I say something to Naomi? Maybe I could try and speak to Harold. Yvonne did introduce Ash to Harold (according to Ash) so Harold may be able to shine some light on this. Mind you, he can't really be trusted. Oh, I don't know. I'll have to have a think about this. I don't want to go jumping in without thinking like I have before.

Let's get Gurnard out of the way tomorrow, and then I'll decide what I'm going to do about Ash and Helen. I just hope Mike doesn't do anything that could ruin our trip to the wedding shop tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to going outside of the walls and seeing the abandoned parts of the island.