your love never is for me | billie eilish

21 | empty

three days later...

Abeline's pov

i laid in the middle of my bed curled up in a ball. i had been locked in this room for what felt like years. i haven't gone to the gym like i usually do everyday. i haven't ate, even though liv has tried to feed me yogurt and fruit, but my body rejects it. i've thrown up around eight times since that night.

"ab?" liv said as she cracked the door. "i'm going to class now, are you gonna be okay by yourself?" she asked

"yea"i wiped my nose.

she closed the door and i heard the sound of her footsteps as she left.

no i haven't told her anything that happened that night. i do plan on telling her, but i feel too embarrassed. i told her to text billie and let her know that i didn't wanna have anyone over for some time. she still hasn't failed to come by and stand at my door to tell me how much she loves me.

mi amor<3

friday

whenever you're ready just text me.

i love you so much

saturday

missing you extra today

my mom said how much she misses seeing you

sunday

i love you abby

more than anyone else

i know you don't wanna see me but please answer

love you

words can't express the guilt i feel. i never gave him full consent and he still did it, and i let him. billie's gonna know how irresponsible i am. she told me to stop drinking and i didn't listen. she knew something bad would happen if i didn't stop, and she was right.

-

liv came home after classes were over and i decided to be mature and just have a conversation with her.

"okay i'm listening" she sat criss-crossed on my bed.

i took a deep breath and tried to find words.

"so that night at the party-" i started

"remember i told you joey was trying to talk to me?" i asked and she nodded her head "well, hours later i was really drunk and i remember he asked if it was fine to go upstairs to a room, and i agreed because he said i could sleep"

"i fell asleep, and i woke up with a huge pain in my lower stomach and in a sweat. it was really dark but i saw him. joey. just laying next to me sleeping" i said

"i noticed i didn't have clothes on-" i started tearing up but still looked down to not make eye contact with her. "oh no..." she whispered

"and he hit me and i have so many bruises everywhere liv and i can't even look at myself" i sobbed. "abby oh my gosh" she said as she hugged me

"it's my fucking fault, so many bad things happen when i drink and i just never stop." i said. "it's not your fault, he took advantage of you because he KNOWS how you get when you're not in the right mindset" she added