Devastatingly Mine

Chapter 13 - Alessa

I sit on the couch speechless as I watch Liam close the door after kicking Sarah out. I feel empty inside. Like the one person who knew exactly what I felt like has been taken away from me. Liam sits down beside me on the couch as I cover my face with my hands. “Do you want to talk about it?” I just shake my head. How do you explain to someone that you just started dating that your crazy ex is a stalker who tried to kill you. Not only escaped jail but is now coming after you. How do you explain that your best friend in the world who saved your life absolutely hates you and blames you for everything? How do you ask him to stay with you so that you aren’t alone, risking his life because Micheal might find out where you live? I’m alone, I really want to call my mother and tell her everything, but I know that if I do, she will be on the first plane out here and then her life will be put at risk. I can’t do that. I need to move away again, start over, some place he will never find me. Maybe even change my name…I doubt that would work. I sat up straight and looked at Liam, who just looked worried. “I need a gun.” Liam's eyes got big, “A gun? You can’t leave it up to the police?” I shook my head. “You don’t understand. You don’t know Micheal.” He tilts his head to the side. “Explain it to me then, make me explain why you need a gun. I can stay here; I can protect you. Hell, you could even come stay with me if you don’t want to stay here. Just explain it to me. What did he do?” My eyes start to water, and I could feel my face starting to turn red. I sigh “so much for going to dinner.” He just shakes his head and gets up off the couch and goes to the kitchen. I can hear him opening the refrigerator and cabinets. It sounds like he’s looking for food. I don’t go in and bother him; I don’t understand why he’s so upset. He doesn’t have anyone coming after him to kill him. He didn’t lose the one person who understood you, or you thought understood you. Everything Sarah said just keeps replaying in my head. “He’s out.” “It was your fault.” “You did this.” “He’s going to find you, and I’m not going to save you this time.” I shake my head repeatedly. “It was your fault.” Just keeps replaying. It was when she stood up and started yelling at me that Liam grabbed her by the arm and told her she needed to get out of the apartment by pulling her to the door. I stood up and walked to the kitchen, where I saw Liam making grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese. I smile. He looks up at me as I lean my head against the door frame and smiles back. “My brother raised me when I was younger… I don’t have many memories of us besides him struggling. We were in and out of foster care. Most of my good memories are of him smiling in the kitchen and making grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese. It's my comfort food, so I figured it might make you feel better as well. Well enough to talk.” He says to me. “Okay.” I sigh. I walk over to the table and sit down and think about how similar Liam and Micheal grew up and how they ended up so differently. Micheal was in foster care as well, but he didn’t have any siblings. He was alone. Maybe if he had someone or a stable home, then he wouldn’t have ended up like this. What am I doing? Why am I sitting here making excuses for him? This is what got me in the situation in the first place. I sigh, Sarah's right, it is my fault. I should have stayed away from him; I should have listened to her and everyone else that said he was bad news. He ended up in a nice rich home when he was 12, but everyone could tell something was wrong. Except for me clearly. I sigh. I wonder if the police can put me in the witness protection program. The thought makes me giggle as Liam comes in with the plates. Looking at them as he puts mine on the table in front of me makes me realize just how hungry I am. He doesn’t say anything as he sits down, and we spend a few minutes eating in silence. My face starts to turn red, and my hands start to shake as I think about what I’m going to say to him. “Micheal is my ex-boyfriend. He grew up in a fancy house with fancy parents. But he wasn’t the best person in the world. As you could tell, Sarah could see right through him and knew something was wrong, but I didn’t…. or refused to see it. I’m not sure which at this point.” I sighed. Liam stopped eating when I started talking. He puts his elbows on the table , crosses his hands, and just keeps listening to me. “Micheal was great at first. All the typical red flags that you usually miss at the beginning of a relationship went over my head. He snapped at my friends. Not responding for days at a time. Getting really mad at me for hugging a guy friend.” I shook my head. “Until I stopped ignoring them. Once I stopped ignoring all the red flags, I saw how bad he really was. Once when we were sleeping together, he grabbed my throat. That was the first time I feared him. He didn’t let go. He grabbed my throat so hard I started blacking out and was fighting to pull his hands off me. While I was fighting to breathe, he was still going at it like it was the best sex he was having. He finished right before I passed out. He let go and plopped down beside me acting like fighting him never happened, and it was a typical day.” My eyes start to water up thinking about that day. “The next day, I don’t remember what he said to me, but I made a comment back. I thought we were joking. I remember laughing. He didn’t think it was funny. I was bent over cleaning up a mess on the floor, and he grabbed me by the back of my hair and jerked me up, slamming me into the wall. Then he started yelling in my face.” Liam started bouncing his legs up and down under the table. Clearly, I'm not happy with the story. “The day I decided to leave, he didn’t take it very well; we had been together for 4 years. The police were involved. Once they got there, he seemed to have calmed down and left. I didn’t see him for a week. I’m not sure where he went, but one morning, I was meeting up with Sarah to go swimming at this lake in the town I used to live in. Sarah showed up a few minutes late, so I went ahead and got in. The water was up to my knees when he came up behind me and hit me. He tried drowning me and hitting me. Sarah called the police when she noticed his car there, and then, while he was trying to drown me, she hit him in the head. She saved my life that day.” He doesn’t say anything. He just looks down at the plates on the table. “She’s right, you know. It was my fault. I didn’t listen, and I’m the one who got me into the situation in the first place. I didn’t listen to anyone when they tried telling me about him. Sarah’s life was at risk that day on top of mine.” I started crying and covered my face. I hear Liam get up from the table, grabbing the plates, and walk back to the kitchen. He’s going to leave; this is what I wanted. I don’t want him to risk his life for me. I don’t want his blood on my hands because of the mistakes I’ve made. I stop crying, but don’t remove my hands from my face when Liam grabs my chair and pulls it and me away from the table. I look up at him shocked. He grabs my hand and pulls me up, and hugs me. “It’s not your fault. We do things when we are young, like ignore all the red flags. But this isn’t your fault. You aren’t the reason for the way he is. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that. He is the way he is, and if he didn’t do this to you, he would have done this to someone else. So don’t blame yourself for this” I start crying into his chest while he just rubs my head. “Sarah is probably scared. The fact that he is out again is probably making her think crazy things. Everything will work out and be okay.” I lift my head and look at him fully aware that my make-up is running, and I probably look just as crazy as Sarah did when she started yelling. “I’m not leaving you.” “IF he is here, assuming he’s just out and is looking for me, I don’t want you to risk your life.” He lets go of me and grabs me with both hands by the face. “I’m NOT leaving you.” And he kisses me before I can protest.