How To Fall From Grace [MxM]

Step 20: Fall asleep

Why did it have to be nightmares? Why couldn't his mind stick to sex dreams all the time?

Frey still woke up with the same heavy breath and sweat covered body that he would have regardless of the dream's nature. The difference came in the form of tears and disturbing memories replaying through his head even as he sat up to look around his room.

His eyes landed on Haddon, who'd shot up from his task of lighting the fireplace with a look possibly similar to Frey's.

"I'm— I'm sorry, my lord. I didn't mean to wake you." He pointed to the barely ignited pieces of wood. "I tried to be quiet, I just... Thought I'd heat up the room a little."

Frey couldn't be bothered with correcting him. If his valet wanted to think the reaction had been his fault, that was on him.

"Any letters from West Kerilia today?" he asked while trying to shake the gory, blight infested thoughts from his head, and Haddon shook his head.

"Well, not yet anyway. It's still early."

Frey stifled a groan. It was early? Was that why his valet had invaded his room to light a fire? To be considerate and have the room warm at the time Frey usually wakes up?

"Well then..." he muttered before reaching for his banyan. For some reason his room was colder than usual and he would not get dressed while his valet was still around. "... Light it and be on your way."

"Of course, sir."

Frey looked the other way, finding staring at a wall much more appealing than risking an attempted conversation from Haddon's side. He followed the floral patterns with his gaze to rid his head of other images threatening to come forward again. If only his mother and sisters would have replied with any new information regarding the West Kerilia rumours already, then he could have focused all his thoughts on that. He'd sent the letter days ago.

"Did you say something, sir?" Haddon then asked, as if defying Frey's inner wish for him to not speak, and Frey turned his head to frown at him.

"No."

"Oh, I thought..." Haddon pursed his lips with a brief nod before continuing with his task. Frey wrinkled his nose at him but returned to his own pastime as well, studying the subtle changes in hue of the flowers while suppressing any other thoughts.

Then a low hum escaped his mouth, and he suddenly realised where the misunderstanding had come from. He'd been humming something. Forcing his brain to do anything but think about the nightmare, even in the form of sounds, and Haddon had heard it. He fortunately didn't bring the new one up, and was soon enough on his way out of the room.

"I'd like to apologise once again for scaring you." He bowed his head. "I hope you can fall asleep again."

"Probably not," Frey said dryly, certain the nightmarish thoughts would consume him again, and Haddon made a face.

"I'm— I'm sor—"

"Don't apologise, just go." Frey waved him away, finally being left alone.

What silly little morning ritual was he even supposed to do? Eat breakfast? Stroll around aimlessly? Make small talk with Damien? If Damien was even awake yet.

The idea of payback by kicking down Damien's door to criticise his life choices and ask intrusive questions occurred to Frey, but he couldn't be bothered with that either. Lucius let the man hear that every day too so it would be redundant. He chose to head outside instead. Even if Marius wasn't around, he could go for a walk or perhaps say hi to Tea For Two.

He shuddered as a breeze of humid air crept under his clothes upon stepping outside. He'd already gotten used to a sunnier outside, so he sent the gloomy sky above him a look of disapproval.