How To Fall From Grace [MxM]

Step 23: Fall apart

Judging by the sun tormenting Frey's eyes by being positioned right outside his window, it was already afternoon as he curled up further into his blanket and rolled over to face the wall.

He hadn't been out all day. He refused to answer anyone trying to talk to him or come inside, and he couldn't bring himself to take even one step out of his bed at the time.

Part of him was a mess of regrets and self loathing, in disbelief he'd just done something like that, while the other part kept assuring him that it had been the right thing to do. Despite how it made him feel.

The fact that he had to talk to Marius was a recurring thought, and he wrapped his arms tighter around himself while a low hum escaped through his nose.

A sudden click in his door made him flinch, and he rolled over just as Damien stepped into the room.

"But I locked it," Frey complained under his breath, so Damien held up his hand to present another key.

"I had to get the master key from Hauke." He put it back in his pocket with a sigh. "It's one thing for you to wake up late, but when you never answered at all I was getting worried. Figured I should make sure you're not dead."

Frey turned back towards the wall.

"Maybe I should be. Sure would make things easier."

"Don't talk like that."

Of course that suggestion would strike a nerve with Damien, but Frey couldn't care.

"I'm having a bad day." "Nothing that concerns you."

"It concerns me when you neglect your job," Damien said dryly. "Again."

Frey's stomach sank, and he chewed on his lower lip while staring at the wall. He had to see the others again. Had to discuss that infuriating overseas trade without losing his temper, because despite everything Frey still had to keep up his appearances around them. Just because Carrigan would stay quiet about Marius didn't mean Frey had any more foothold around the upper class than the day before.

A weak groan crawled out of his mouth at the thought of Carrigan. He would have to see him as well. The memories from their encounter were still fresh and Frey could still feel his hands where he had caressed him all night.

"At least give me a reason," Damien tried. "I can't cover for you like this anymore, and you know that."

Frey pinched his lips together. He didn't dare to talk. Somehow it felt like Damien would know as soon as he opened his mouth. As soon as Frey faced him properly. He'd be able to see through him, and what would he say? Strictly speaking, Carrigan had no obligation to stay quiet about what they'd done - only about why they'd done it. He held out hope that Marius would understand, but what would other people in his life think? Damien, Lucius, the other people of his social class? Hopefully it would at least be kept from the twins, but he wouldn't put it past Carrigan or anyone to keep quiet.

And if Mother finds out...

Another groan. Wasn't it rather when she'd find out? When everyone found out? Gossip was the mother tongue of the world he'd so coveted, and cruelty was the accent of his society.

"With some luck Mother kills him instead of me," he mumbled under his breath. "If not both."

"What?"

Frey sighed, gathering his nerves before replying.

"I... Messed up. I did something bad and I don't want to talk about it, but that's my reason."

Would it not be better to tell Damien though? He'd rather tell him himself than have him hear it from Carrigan personally, after all.