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As soon as our meeting with the rest of the software development team came to an end, Ashley was back in my face, interrogating me about Bakari and Alex.
Things got emotional as I opened up about things I'd kept to myself for a while, starting with the nightmares and how my refusal to open up about them was basically Bakari's last straw and the catalyst for our breakup. Somehow, I didn't stop there like I would have in the past. I'd gone as far as revealing the truth of how bad things had gotten for my grandmother, how scared and alone it left me feeling. How desperate I'd been for months to just see her recognise me, not my mom, when I walked through the door.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Ashley asked me with tears in her eyes. "Lord knows I've been asking you almost daily."
"I don't know, Ash." I whined with a heavy sigh. "I don't want to complain every day and dump all this negativity on you."
"Cheyenne, when I ask you how you're doing, I'm not looking for a sugarcoated response. I want the truth. I come to you with my problems without even thinking twice about it because you're my friend and I trust you to respond lovingly to whatever I share. I can't expect that from you and not be willing to reciprocate."
"I know, but--"
"Uh-uh. No buts, Chey. These walls you keep building around your heart are going to cost you so much more than your relationship with Bakari if you don't wake up and realise that they're really just isolating you."
"I'm trying to protect myself."
"Well, your efforts are counterproductive. You're locking out the good stuff as well. Companionship. Connection. Love."
"Love leaves, Ashley. Or it gets taken away from you. I've experienced too much of that to last me several lifetimes."
My words had left her staring at me for a long stretch of time before she said, "Sometimes, Chey, love actually comes to stay, and we're the ones who push it away. Ask Bakari."
I was left completely unable to say anything else to her as I silently repeated her words to myself. Mercifully, we moved on to lighter topics and managed to enjoy our time together as we counted down the hours to the first match of the day.
•••
"Ahh, what's going on with our Kitalo girls?!" Ashley shouted and then sucked her teeth as the Ivory Coast team scored two consecutive points for their team.
I laughed in response to her complaint and stood to grab myself a drink. "It's because we're not on the team."
"Right?! We need to go show them how to do it right!" Ashley said proudly, her mind probably recalling our high school days, when we joined the netball team and would drive all the spectators crazy with our skills every time.
When I was satisfied with the number of blueberries I'd thrown into my glass, I returned to my seat. After a few minutes of watching more of the disappointing game on the screen, my phone buzzed beside me, Bakari's name showing up there.
