Trouble in Paradise

Chapter VII - Peter

I woke up sweaty from a nap where I was having a dream that left a bad taste in my mouth. I was marrying Luke just like we did a decade ago–same place, same clothes, same bright smile and shiny eyes looking adorably at me. It was almost identical to my wedding day but one thing was wrong.

Luke had said no.

I can feel the torment I woke up with. My beautiful Luke had said no, and with his winning smile, he had left with a man who looked nothing like me, and in the place in front of me it was Gabe I was now marrying.

I ran after Luke but he was faster.

My phone vibrates and I put the dream aside to check it only to see a message from Luke. I open the message with a smile that is quickly replaced with a tug on my lungs. I thought he was okay with this. I thought... I mean... Didn't he tell me he was okay with anything that made me happy? He said it when I asked for a divorce, and Luke has never lied to me.

I read his message and my chest constricts. I hope you have the life you deserve, my love. It's right there. He sounds genuine but then he calls me Pete which he knows I hate. How can he be angry but wish me well?

When it came to advice I always went to my best friend and today wouldn't be any different so I dialed his number.

"Jesus Christ, Peter! Where have you been? I've been blowing up your phone."

"Yes, I noticed. How are Beth and the kids?" He goes on talking about his family with so much love and who can blame him? He has a beautiful family.

"Alright, talk to me," Marco tells me. "I see you and Luke decided on an official announcement. How is he?" I groan at the thought that Luke hasn't come home. He doesn't have classes on Fridays so I know he's not at university. "Peter, is he ok?"

"Yes, of course. He just left yesterday and hasn't come back. I'm worried."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know, that's what I'm telling you. I haven't heard from him except for a message he sent me about the post I made. I think he's upset about it. He said he was disappointed in me."

Marco blesses me with the silent pause I hate so much because I know he's about to yell at me. "Peter," he sounds resigned, "I'm asking this because I know you. Did you talk to Luke about that post? Did the two of you agree on what to say?"

"Well... no, not exactly—"

"Not exactly," Marco chuckles, "Not exactly? What the fuck, man? You announced it to everyone without even asking him, didn't you?"

"Of course. I've always made all the decisions in our relationship. He's never been mad about it."

A sigh. "You said it right, decisions in your relationship. But you don't have one of those anymore." Okay, I hadn't thought about that. "What did he tell you about the post?"

I read him what Luke sent and the first thing Marco says when I'm done is, "You're a fucking asshole," and in the background, I hear Beth say, "I claim Luke in the divorce. Fuck you, Peter!"

"What the hell did I do now? I'm telling you what he told me, not the other way around. I wasn't too happy about the shoving up my ass part, but he said he hopes I get a good life."

"No, no, no," my friend stops me. "He said he wishes for you to have the life you deserve. I'm pretty sure he meant he hopes you get all the wrath of Lucifer in hell. Because that's what you deserve right now. Jesus, how am I friends with you?"

Is that what Luke meant? He wants me to go to hell? "We're friends because our mothers forced us to be. You know damn well we're not a good match." I say it fondly and Marco laughs.

"All jokes aside, though, Luke is hurting. You have to give him some time and space. You've been everything to him and I can only imagine how he feels. I had my heart broken once and be grateful it isn't me you're divorcing. I would've made your life a living hell by now. Anyway, tell me about Gabe and how everything is going.

"The date was below expectations. I got a side of Gabe that is so different from how he is at work, and on top of that he's texted and called about seventeen hundred times in the past twenty-four hours."

I tell my friend every single detail about Gabe and me and I don't miss the fact that more than half of what I've said is not positive. I don't know what I expected from Gabe but having been with Luke my whole life, I'm so used to his easygoing ways, from the way he behaves to the way he talks to me and understands I don't like feeling like I'm not in control. Gabe is a great person so it isn't like I hate him, but it's going to take some time to get used to him being so young and loud, and so... him.

When I hang up with Marco I return to the app planning on answering Luke's message but see that I'm now blocked. Maybe I did fuck up, but how do I fix it? What can I possibly do?

I think about all the things I could do for Luke that I know he likes, but something stops me making me feel like all of them are inadequate. Then I think about what I would do if Luke had been the one to ask for a divorce and suddenly things don't look that bright.

I picture myself holding Luke's hands between mine and him pulling them back and my chest feels tighter. Yeah, that's what you did to him, asshole. I imagine Luke saying he met someone and wanted a divorce to pursue that person, that he wanted to separate, and no, I don't think I'd have handled that well, not at all, and once again my mind attacks me. That's what you did to him you selfish jerk, my mind adds, that betrayal you feel in your heart just by picturing it happening to you? Yeah, the pain you cause him must be ten thousand times worse.

All of a sudden I don't feel so confident in my decision. I find myself wondering if I did the right thing. Is Gabe even worth losing the man who's always given me everything without thinking twice?