Trouble in Paradise

Chapter XII - Peter

My blood is boiling with anger, frustration, and disappointment. I want to believe my disappointment is in Luke for throwing himself at that guy, but in reality, I'm disappointed in myself, because he wouldn't be there in the first place had I not led him to it.

"Pete, baby, hello!" I look to my side and sneer at the sight of Gabe, who I didn't remember was in the car with me. "Are you going to tell me why we went to that place?"

I'm so angry with Luke's situation that I don't bother correcting him even as I flinch when he calls me Pete. "I told you already Gabe, my friend is the owner and he called me to defuse a situation."

"Ahh," Gabe sighs. "My hero!"

My hero. Hearing Luke call that guy his hero must have been what the iceberg felt when the Titanic hit it.

When Adam called me to say Luke was at his club, drunk off his ass, the first thing I felt was panic. Luke is a flaky drunk and anyone could take advantage of him if he's left unsupervised. The second feeling that hit me was jealousy when I heard he was there with Wells. Mother. Fucking. Wells Astor.

Fire's still burning within me finding myself in a situation I caused. I was ready to go into the world and explore, and I was ready to see Luke doing the same... in theory.

"Pete! I'm talking to you."

Gabe is on his side, his legs bent under himself casually resting against the seat and facing me.

"For fucks sake, Gabe put on a seatbelt. You're worse than a toddler."

"Uyy, someone's cranky. Anyway," he straightens onto the seat pulling the seat belt across his torso, "I was telling you that I'm short for my payment this semester, and that maybe, I don't know... you could..."

"Gabe, I'm going to stop you right there. Do I look like a Sugar Daddy to you?"

I can feel the heat exuding from him when he squeezes my leg right above my knee and says, "Daddy for sure. Can my cranky daddy give me a little sugar?"

Dear, Lord. I don't always talk to you and I'm sorry I don't, but I'm not even praying for myself. I'm reaching out to beg you for Gabe's life because I'm close to strangling him.

A wave of guilt hits me. Yes, Gabe is turning out to be much more than I bargained for, but that's not his fault. There's a reason I wanted him to begin with.

"I'm sorry, Gabe," I try to bring his hand up so I can kiss the back of it. "Do you want me to drop you off at home?"

"Can we go to yours instead? We've barely spent time together this week."

I comply and take him home with me. The club isn't far but I spend what feels like an hour's drive thinking about Luke. Even if I put the entire situation aside, my god, he looked gorgeous. Luke looked so carefree, so happy, so hopeful, but when he looked at me, I didn't find my favorite smile. No. Tonight that smile was there for someone else—some MMA fighter if the rumors Adam heard were true. The smile that since we were five years old had only been there for me, and I no longer have a right to it.

My day today started off hopeful. I had asked Gabe on a date and we were leaving the restaurant when Adam called me. He rarely uses social media so he hadn't known Luke and I were separated.

Gabe and I arrive home and I decide I need to make a real effort with him. But even as I walk downstairs to the finished basement, as I carry Gabe to one of the guest bedrooms, as I kiss him, and make empty promises to him, all I can think about is Luke.

It doesn't make sense that I think more about Luke now than I did the days nearing my asking for a divorce.

Six months have felt like an eternity since I came across that movie. I was on a flight to San Francisco and all the movies available were bad options so I decided to watch a drama where after decades of being married, a couple decided to divorce. The characters had their ups and downs but by the end of the film, they were friends and had found love separately.

The movie lasted about ninety minutes. The rest of the flight was spent wondering what if. What if I had dated someone else? What if I married Luke because he was my best friend, because I was possessive of him, but never meant to marry him? I've never been with anyone else, so how could I be sure what I had with Luke was love if he was my only reference?

Ever since that flight, I've been researching, trying to learn more about relationships, divorces, and everything I could think of and it wasn't much. I never shared my curiosity with anyone. Not until I hired Gabe and for the first time someone other than Luke was getting my attention.

I met Gabe and the next day I confessed everything to Marco. At first, he thought I was irrational and I get it. Luke and I were what our friends used to call 'relationship goals', but Marco saw my side of the story. I'd even say he was curious himself. He and Beth have been together since our second year in college, so he doesn't have much reference when it comes to relationships either. Before his current wife, he'd only had one girlfriend.

It's been over a month since Luke and I separated and I have yet to find my rhythm. I didn't expect the guilt I've been feeling, nor the sadness. I keep trying to convince myself that things will change for the better, but will they? My husband is moving on faster than I am. I made this decision thinking about myself and putting myself first. Will Luke get over me and forget me before I find what I thought I was looking for?