Trouble in Paradise

Chapter XIX - Luke

I made a mistake. It was a hot mistake that put my heart together and shattered it again, but a mistake nonetheless. It wasn't supposed to happen but how can I be blamed for having a weak moment with the only man I've ever loved? 

After running out of my former bedroom I hid in my room under the covers. Now I'm here dialing Wells' number because I need to know how badly I messed up. 

Wells answers almost immediately.

"Hey man, what's up?"

"I made a mistake!" I blurted out without even a 'How are you'.

"It took you long enough."

His response confuses me. "You don't even know what I did."

"Sure do. You slept with Peter." Before I get to ask how he knows he adds, "You texted me saying Marco ruined your date, you went home to Peter and didn't call me until now. I used the process of elimination and all that."

I chuckle doubting he even knows what the process of elimination is.

"Did I fuck up too bad?" I didn't mean for the words to come out with so much longing and desperation. For what was I longing? What am I desperate for?

Having sex with Peter tonight felt so odd. I didn't feel used or anything. I didn't feel remorse or even hate toward him, I just felt disappointment. In myself, in Peter. I was disappointed by the fact that this might have been the last time I felt Peter inside me, and I couldn't even look him in the eyes, but how could I? When every ounce of pain I'm feeling is because he broke my heart along with everything we built together.

"Do you want to come over?"

Wells' question brings me back to the conversation that I keep forgetting I'm having. "No," I say, "I'd rather stay here. I just want to know if you think I shouldn't have done that. If you think what I did was bad?"

"Baby boy, only you can decide that. I know if I was in your situation I would've probably done the same and way sooner, but I also know this is hard for you, after giving him your life to control—"

"But I don't care that he wants to be in control," I interrupt.

"I know, I know. I'm just saying, you shouldn't feel like you're betraying yourself for having sex with him. He's the only man you've ever loved. He's been with you since we were ignorant kids. Don't be too hard on yourself thinking what you did was right or wrong. Allow yourself to understand that he broke the vow, not you. Your feelings are still there and valid."

Our conversation continues and after a while, I'm calmed and sleepy so we plan on getting together for lunch tomorrow. I go to sleep thinking of all the what-ifs that I'll never see through. What countries am I not going to visit because it was a place Peter and I wanted to go together?

That night passes, and the next, and the one after that. And we go weeks barely talking to each other—Peter and I. He's tried but I... I can't do it. Every word he'd say would mean hope and I have to learn that hope won't save me this time. 

Week after week I continue to apply for jobs but hear from none but I don't give up and that finally pays off.

"Ok, guess what?"

Wells and I are on our way to my place to hang out. He drives while I feed him the greasy fries we got from a questionably fast food. With a mouth full of fries he asks, "You passed the exam you were worried about last week?"

"No. I mean yes, I passed but no, it isn't what I wanted to tell you. I had that interview this morning and they called me while I was waiting for you to come out of class. They offered me the job."

"Bitch!" The word takes me by surprise and it comes accompanied by remnants of fries Wells spew together. "You should have told me that the second you saw me. You traitor!"

Leave it to Wells to make this about himself.

My new job is nothing fancy but it's what I need given the circumstances. I'll Just be working with the Honor Program Assistance Team for those earning a Bachelor's degree. It's a job where I can feel useful and it excites me to do something for a living for the first time since probably my lemonade stand. I don't know. I don't remember.

Wells congratulates me and we talk about what I'm going to do, what hours I'm going to work, and how much I will get paid. We do that during the short commute we have until we arrive at my house. When we finally do, I'm surprised to see Peter's car already home. He is not usually here that early.

"Oh, your not–boo is in the house. I haven't seen him in a while."

I ignore Wells. While he jokes I'm worried that something happened to Peter but I'm sure I'm still his emergency contact so I would've been called if something happened. For the first time in months I feel the urge to open the front door and shout, 'Honey, I'm home,' but luckily I catch myself on time and save myself the embarrassment I would've felt if Marco, who is sitting in my living room, had heard me.

Wells seethes beside me. He hates Marco. Never liked him and just can't stand how uptight he is. When I whisper to ask him to calm down Wells says the last thing I expected him to fucking say.

"Oh my god," he throws his head back, "baby you're insatiable! I'm still sore from last night but ugh! I can't deny you anything." My friend begins to run upstairs and a couple of steps up he stops and adds, "Don't forget to bring the whipped cream," then he keeps running. I'm left perplexed wondering what the fuck was that but just shake my head and walk toward the kitchen.

"Hi Marco," I say when I walk past him, "Peter," I acknowledge my ex's presence. When I finally get upstairs Wells shares the unhinged and bizarre plan he came up with.

"Let's pretend we're fucking."

"What? Have you lost your damn mind? I can't do that."

"And yet here you are, with the whipped cream in hand."

Wells begs some more telling me how his plan to make Peter jealous while also irritating Marco is so perfect. Their hate for each other is secret to none and he takes any and all opportunities to make Marco miserable. And I'm always in the middle going along with my childish best friend.