Trouble in Paradise

Chapter XXVI - Peter

Luke hasn't talked to me in a few days, but I'm determined to get him back. Marco has been helping me with some ideas and although he went back home to his family and won't teach me how to cook, he's still the good angel on my right shoulder guiding me through fixing this mess I created. I knew today Luke would be home before me so I left work early so as to not give him time to hide from me for the rest of the day.

I walk in our house —a giant bouquet of flowers in hand— and don't see him anywhere so I walk to his room. Only halfway there the doorbell rings, so I pivot, put the flowers on a table by the front door, and open it.

"Hello," the stranger says. "Are you Peter D'Orio Montecarlo?"

"Yes, how may I help you?"

"These are court papers," he hands them and I idiotically take them. "You've been served."

I've been served? I've been served for what? I know better than to ask the guy so I just thank him and say goodbye quickly sitting on our couch and opening the envelope. When I see what it is, my heart almost stops.

Divorce papers.

Luke filed for divorce. How could he do this without telling me? Without giving me a heads up that he would.

I hear him walking around on the second floor. The sound is heavy on the wooden floor. Then I hear wheels and run upstairs to see what the hell is going on. When I finally get to his room my world comes crashing down on me.

There's my husband, angrily packing his belongings, wearing headphones, and sniffling. I walk closer and touch his shoulder making him jump. When he turns around his face is red, as are his eyes. He's been crying. I motion for him to take the headphones off.

"What do you want?" he snaps at me and I'm still lost as to what is going on.

"What do you mean, Luke? You filed for divorce? You're leaving? I don't understand."

What I had mistaken for sadness is now anger and he shouts... no... he screams at me. "What can't you understand, eh? You can't understand how I finally did what you wanted? You don't understand how I'm packing my bags to move out of the only place I've called home because you couldn't keep it in your pants? Because I wasn't enough for you?"

I wasn't prepared for this. Luke can't... he can't leave me. Not now that I finally know how to get him back.

"Luke, please, don't do this. Don't go! Let me... give me..." I don't know what to say, "I got you flowers and—"

"Fucking flowers?!" He interrupts with a shout, "You never buy me flowers. You never care about me. You never care about anyone but yourself!"

"No, baby listen to me."

He turns back around and keeps packing. Throwing things in his luggage no longer caring if they're folded or not. No. No, no, no. I can't let him go. If he leaves... if he leaves it means it's over. For good. I pace the floor behind him while my eyes water and I wonder what to do. I had a plan. I was supposed to get him back.

"Baby, please come downstairs with me. Let's talk."

"I don't want to talk to you, Peter! Get out of my room." I begin to protest, "Get. Out. Of. My room!"

As if he knows I won't leave on my own he pushes me out of the room until he succeeds, then he shuts the door on my face not caring for the bottomless tears leaving my eyes. "Baby?! Luke?!" Instead of responding I hear the loud sound of music that indicates he disconnected the headphones from his laptop.

I fucked up. God, I fucked up. I don't know if I can get through this. Not without the very person who's making me lose control. I run downstairs desperately dialing Marco's number without luck. He isn't picking up. Why isn't he picking up?

Only Love Can Hurt Like This plays on a loop upstairs while I swallow my sobs over what I broke. "I can't," I heave, "Baby, please, listen to me!" I sob like a baby feeling the gut wrenching pain of what's happening. "I don't think I can get through this. You hear me, Luke? I can't let you go. Not now! Not fucking ever!" I shout and shout, knowing damn well he won't hear me over the loud music.

I'm hurting and can't do anything about it because I deserve it. I sit down and get back up only to sit down once again never giving up on Marco. But I need to give up. He is sending me to voicemail.

I get up from my chair and start pacing the floor, hitting my chest over and over trying to get my airways to open up and let me breathe. I don't know what to do. I'm losing Luke for good and I now understand exactly how I broke him when I asked for a divorce. I feel it now and it is unbearable.

I couldn't do this any longer. I can't take knowing I won't be with Luke. My heart ached in a way it's never hurt before and I run upstairs knocking on Luke's bedroom door.

"Luke, please, baby," I sobbed. "I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry, Luke, damn it!"

My cried pleas are ignored while the same song from before plays louder and louder. How can love hurt like this? "Luke!" I shout with my fist banging harder on the door. "I swear to god, I swear on my life I'll never hurt you again. I'll do just about anything just, please. Please don't make me sign those papers. Please don't tell me it's over. Baby it can't be! I never meant to hurt you."

Within seconds the door opens and Luke attacks me, hitting me. Punching me hard and pushing me against the wall behind me. "You did this, you selfish prick!" Luke shouts and sobs. "You didn't care that I was hurting. You asked for a divorce. This is all on you!"

The assault to my chest stops and I get a glance of luggage rolling behind Luke. He's leaving right now?

"Luke, Luke stop!"

He doesn't stop.

I speed up and just as he's about to go down the first step I pull him by the elbow bringing him crashing into me. I hug him so tight, as if that could stop him from leaving me, but he pulls back and away until he is far enough from me that he starts punching my chest again. This time I couldn't miss the hurt in his eyes. The one I put there.

"I fucking hate you!" I feel a blow to my chest.

"I wish I'd never loved you."

Punch.

"I wish I've never fucking met you!

Punch.

"You broke me! You broke me."

Punch.

Every statement hurts me deeper. Every word penetrates my skin like a knife.

Luke stopped talking and his punches are now relentless but I stay there and take them. I take all I deserve seeing how Luke crumbles in front of me, sobbing and shouting. He stops punching me, grabbing my shirt and squeezing it so hard his knuckles are white. Then a guttural sound leaves his lips and he breaks down falling to the floor and dragging me down with him.

The buttons of my shirt are broken, scattered around us. I feel Luke shaking and leaning against me, slowly falling in my embrace with his hold still strong on my shirt and his head resting on my heart.

"I hate you," he sobs once again and I hug him tighter. "I. Fucking. Hate you!" I swallow my own sobs because I don't deserve empathy. I deserve everything he has to say so I need to take it and own it. But what is left of my weak emotions implodes when he says... "You destroyed my soul."