𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| 𝗜𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝟯

Night We Met| Request

AN: I received my first ever songfic
request for The Night We Met by Lord Huron. This one is angsty so buckle in!
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Leon POV:

(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh, ooh)

I am not the only traveler
Who has not repaid his debt
I've been searching for a trail to follow again
Take me back to the night we met
And then I can tell myself
What the hell I'm supposed to do
And then I can tell myself
Not to ride along with you

I sit at the rickety kitchen table, leaning forward as my elbows rest on the table, eyes downcast at the glass of whiskey between my fingers, the amber liquid sloshing a little since my hands are shaking. I swallow deeply, mind going too fast yet too slow. I don't even know how I got here, it seems like only hours ago I was busy with work. The one thing I used to dread, now I hate coming home to the empty apartment.

My life wasn't supposed to turn out this way, but since Raccoon City it's just gone downhill. I had my life mapped out since graduating from the academy, the road was a straight one and I was so close to achieving my dreams, but then everything changed. For a long time I was lost, wandering in the abyss waiting to be killed or saved. I didn't care.

Then she came along. My Y/N. The light who guided me back on track and set me straight again. I had a new path, and it followed whenever she went. She saved me more than she could ever know, and I wish I could thank her. I wish I could take back the things I said.

More than anything I wish I could go back to the night we met. It was so unexpected, I didn't know what was happening until her love hit me like a freight train. We spent hours and hours talking, and for some reason I opened up to her, showing her my vulnerabilities since I didn't think I'd still be around next week. I survived though, and instead of being even more depressed I found myself glad. I wanted to see Y/N again, and so I dialled her number and we met up again. And again.

She made me laugh and smile, I genuinely thought my face would crack from the porcelain mask I'd had on for so long, especially when I smiled at her. It was the first true smile I did in a long time, I didn't know I was capable. She brought out the good in me, the parts I thought I'd lost along the tragedies of my life. It felt good being with her, and fuck did I love it. Love her.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do now she's gone, and I'm once again alone. I can't bring myself up, I know that, but I can't let myself fall further. I keep thinking that I've made a massive mistake, breaking up with her. Lying to her face after months and months of love and worry. I told her that I wasn't in love with her anymore, I lied saying I'd found another woman.

Fuck. If it hurts me this much even now, she must be a mess. No. She's strong, I believe she'll get over me. She deserves better, and needs to be safe from my job. I'm dangerous to be around, the life I live isn't one I can settle in. I can't give her a family or even get married.

I let out a long sigh. Shaking my head at myself.

I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met

I remember sharing my dreams with her, opening up for the first time about my life when I was younger. I'd never even spoken to Chris or Claire like this, they wouldn't understand the yearning I still had for my old life. It was dumb, but it was hope, and I needed it. Y/N listened, and didn't laugh or tell me the past was in the past. She always cupped my hands, her gorgeous eyes twinkling as she'd smile and shrug. Often saying "Maybe one day you can."

She didn't completely understand my job and past, but her faith was so catchy. I listened to her dreams too, at the time thinking that I would be so lucky to be there by her side, having all of her to myself with none left for the world to have. But then I began to see the dangers, the missions that hit too close to home, and reluctantly I knew I couldn't allow myself to stain her with the blood of my enemies.

I tried to distance myself, but it never worked. I'd always crawl back to her with bloodied hands and cut up knees. If I couldn't crawl I knew I would've dragged myself. She was my oasis. Y/N did begin to sense something had shifted in me, and it led to our breakup.

I'm glad for it. Truly.

I snort at my own lie, then down my glass of whiskey before refilling it, the bottle nearly empty. I slump in the creaky wooden chair, going back to my thoughts.

Y/N will never see me again. She doesn't want to, and that I know for a fact. The night we met was the happiest of my life, and I crave to go back so badly, but I can't go back in time. I'm haunted by the memories of our love, I can't look at anything in my apartment without seeing her there. Cooking with me. In my bed, mouth open in an 'o'. Us, painting the bedroom walls since grey was too gloomy now.

I swig some of my drink, running a hand over my stubble, remembering how she'd laugh when I rubbed my face against hers. The pain is too much, but it's better than feeling nothing at all.

When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes were filled with tears
When you had not touched me yet
Oh, take me back to the night we met

The nightmares were where our relationship truly begin to feel the brunt of my work. When I'd wake up sweating and panting, needing distance. Y/N used to look terrified for and of me. I became a different person, less loving and more snappy. She'd cry at my defenses, and I'd feel like a bastard after. I couldn't help my reactions though, I'd never had anyone to support me before.

The nightmares are worse now, especially now that I'm alone again. All I want is for Y/N to be here at night, by my side and silently comforting me, not through touch but through reassurances that maybe I'm not so alone. That maybe I'm not a terrible person. That maybe, after everything, none of it is my fault.

I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we met

I feel my eyes burn, then a single tear falls down my cheek. I don't wipe it away, instead it triggers something inside of me, like a dam that's been building all this time. I'm suddenly sobbing, chest caving as I try to breathe, but I can't. An anguished noise escapes me as I launch the glass across the room, letting it shatter like my heart, then I fall forwards, shoulders heaving as I cry for my broken self.

I'm haunted by a lot of ghosts from my past, but the one who shows up the most is the one from the night we met.

Additional Ending:
(For those like me who need some kind of resolution or happy ending)

The sound of my phone buzzling pulls me out of my sorrow. With blurry vision I pick it up, not even bothering to check the name as I answer the call.

"Leon, I know it's been a while, but...maybe we could talk?"

I suck in a breath, shaken to my bones at the irony. Fuck, the universe really does hate me yet still throws me a bone every now and then.

The rest of the night goes in a blur as Y/N and I talk, not making up or forgiving, but she wants to hear me out, and like always I end up spilling my guts to her, admitting my fuck up and the reason I lied, then finally, she arranges for us to meet...at the place we first met.

The meeting goes well, full of hurt and mistrust albeit, but months later after grovelling and apologies, I find Y/N back in my bed, and encased in my heart forever. I've always loved her, since the night we met, and now I can find a new path, one where I don't trip and fall.