Vision

Chapter 16 - To Keep Us Down (1:12)

Author's Note: I vividly remember saying once upon a day that I'm going to murder anyone who made Omega cry, but uh oops – O.O And for the record, I'm fully aware there's no right or wrong in this argument, just differences.

Warning: A very brief, one-sentence mention of suicidal thoughts??

~ Rivana Rita

There's a heartbeat before Omega follows me. She takes my hand, but I don't have the life or – something to squeeze back. I don't really want it. I don't want comfort. I just want to be alone.

Okay, that's not true.

I want Crosshair back. That's not something anyone – even Omega – can give me.

It's more like an especially Omega in this case, and I hate how we've changed. "I thought we'd get something when we left Kamino, but I was wrong."

"What do you mean?" 'mega queries softly, hand on my forearm. I wish I could still feel like that was enough, like I actually deserved some of it, but I don't. "We did. We got our brothers."

I don't look at her. "Not all of them."

"It could be worse," she tries offering, "At least we're not on Kamino anymore."

Fair. I wish I could share that never-ending cheer.

Hunter wants Crosshair back as much as I do. We all do. I just... never really thought about it enough. I understand it, but it wasn't like... now. It wasn't where I could see it as clearly as my own need and purpose to keep my family together. That's all I've ever been good for.

That's what I was made for, or at least that's what I shaped myself for – I dealt with being away from Omega for a month so I could bring her back to them. Now, I have to do the same for Crosshair. He needs me, and I can't help thinking, briefly, about going after him myself. The thought makes my skin crawl, though, so I just let it drop. I can't run off, doing something stupidly suicidal.

Still tempting, though. I was literally made for one thing, and I can't even do that?

Speaking of pathetic.

"That's not what we're here for, anyway," Omega says quietly. "We need to help Hera."

I don't think she understands. She wasn't made for something the way I was. She just... was. It wasn't... bad on Kamino, exactly, but it wasn't nice, either. I didn't like it there. It was too... dark. Boring. Lonely. I was made to fight, and I hated not being able to do that. I – Nala Se was okay, I guess, but she was just... ugh.

The way Tech talks sometimes reminds me of her. Maybe that's why I get so annoyed at him senselessly. Not his fault, I just – there's something wrong with me.

"Maybe she's not the only one who needs help," I mutter. Omega pauses, looking at me, and I step back, pulling away from her. "We can't even help ourselves."

"That doesn't mean we can't help Hera!"

I don't even know why I'm angry. "He's more important!" I yell back. "Have you even seen what it's done to us? Wrecker's scared of him. Hunter's right – we can't help everyone if we can't even –"

"That's why we have to help her!" Omega half-yells. It's not quite a yell, because Omega never yells, but she's raising her voice and glaring enough that it feels like one, and it somehow makes me feel wrong and dirty and – and something. "We know what that's like. We can't –"

"You don't even know him! Is that why you don't miss him?"

She flinches back, and I'm still present enough to realize this is the first time I've been angry at her since Bracca, and that instantly makes me feel wrong in my own skin and just – just – something. I don't know who I am. Omega says I'm her sister. I don't feel like it. I don't deserve to have her name attached to mine. I don't deserve – anything. I'm not anything.