Borne of Curses & Blessings

Chapter Twelve

Gina's been really... maternal in a sense with me this morning. If I can even call it that... how would I know, right? But, she's been sweet and gentle with me. That's something I'm not used to; the moment that plate shattered it was over for me. Everything inside me broke apart like the ceramic when it hit the floor. I could hear my foster father screaming and berating me, breaking plates and glasses across my back. The memory burned itself into my skin all over again. It wasn't until Regina said something that I realized the memory physically manifested. She fixed the plate and then held me. I all but begged her to hit me to hurt me, it felt as if I needed it like it had to happen. She got so frustrated with me by the time we got upstairs I thought I finally pushed her past her limit. But she healed me, Regina healed me. The Evil Queen healed the Saviour. .. it felt like pure love coming out of her hands. She wielded light magic and it was beautiful and powerful... then she went to make me breakfast. I told her I didn't want to talk and shut down and she's making me fucking breakfast. What the hell is wrong with me? I lay back on the bed and snuggle my ducky plush Regina gave me and it makes me smile. Much like looking at her does...
"What should I name you, little guy?" I say aloud to myself. Maybe it's her magical essence from conjuring the plush, but something out it reminds me of her, something in the eyes.
"I think I'll name you Gino!" I say, I feel my face light up, "you like it, too, don'cha Gino?"
"Who are you talking to, little duck?" Regina asks as she enters the room with a lap tray stacked high. She places the tray at the foot of the bed before playfully straddling me, I can't help the childish giggle that slips past my lips.
"What's so funny, kiddo?" She asks as she tickles me lightly.
"No, stop! Please! I'll tell you!!" I laugh heartily until she stops, a brilliant smile brightens her features.
"Who were you talking to?"
"Gino!"
"Gino?" She cocks an eyebrow in confusion.
"My duck! Something about him reminds me of you! So, I named him Gino!"
Her eyes twinkle as she pets Gino's head.
"Hello, Gino! I'm Regina, it's nice to meet you." She says with a smile as she shakes his little flipper.
"He likes you..." I reply softly.
"I'm glad. Here... eat some breakfast, little duck." She passes the tray to me, brushes my hair out of my face, and kisses my forehead. She begins picking up our clothes from the night before and straightening the room up while I eat.
"I like you, too Gina..."
"And, I like you Emma. Very much."
"I love you..."
"I know you do, honey. I love you, too."
"I'm sorry for being so closed... I guess I just realized how much I've always needed you and that's scary. I'm not supposed to need anyone. I'm not supposed to be a burden."
"Emma, you aren't a burden."
"How can you say that?! I saw what my pain did to you! How is that not burdensome? How can i trust that you won't get tired of me? How can I trust that I'm not too much for you or for Henry? I'm always breaking shit and getting hurt... What if you don't want me anymore? What if my parents don't like who I am? What if they feel so guilty about my life here that they can't even look at me anymore?"
"Emma, that won't ever happen. Concern is a byproduct of love... I worry about you and sometimes my heart aches for you, that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Loving you isn't a bad thing. It's a gift."
"But--"
"No... not a chance in hell. Not with your parents or Henry either. Baby, those people were wrong. They wrong about you, the way they treated you was deplorable. You deserved love, kindness, and patience."
"I hate them..."
"You should, they did things tha-"
"No... I mean my parents. I-I think I hate them."
"What? Why?"
"They didn't HAVE to send me through the wardrobe."
"Yes, they did Emma."
"No... I still would've been the Saviour regardless. I may have seemed crazy compared to everyone else but I could bet I would've found the storybook eventually. I'm not an idiot. The book was created because my destiny was written. Therefore, it makes me feel like I wasn't... it's as if they preferred a life where I didn't exist over a life where we were lost together."
"Have you ever told them that?"
"No... I haven't had the time. Snow brought it up a couple of times but I just let her speak."
"They need to hear that, Emma... you don't have to be afraid. The Charming's are idiots but they aren't what you're used to, kiddo. I know it must be hard to trust them."
"You have no idea..." I sigh.
"But, you've come to trust me."
"Yeah, but..."
"But, what?"
"Trusting you is different. You let me in... Snow and David... They're just... perfect. Too perfect. They'll never accept me."
"Emma, they love you."
"They love what they hoped for my life. They love the idea of who they thought I'd be, Gina. They only see me as the Saviour, a hero."
"But, that's part of who you are."
"Yeah, well you're the only one that seems to understand that it's only a part of me."
"Emma, they understand that you're human. They won't judge you."
"No, but they'll pity me."
"I didn't."
"No... you didn't." I offer with a smile.
"You're safe now, kiddo."
I can't help but to smile, my heart flutters.
"I like when you call me that, Gina."
"Noted." She says with a smile. She kisses my cheek and wipes her lipstick smudge. I love the rich red color staining her lips, I've always had a kind of oral fixation.
"You okay, Em-ma?" She asks. The way she says my name pushes me over the edge, I claim her mouth in a fiery kiss. Regina drapes her arms around my waist as she kisses me back, moaning softly. We stay like this a couple of minutes before she breaks contact.
"Emma, wait." She pants softly.
"Regina, please..." My voice is a pathetic plea, "I need you." I slip her black blazer off and throw it on the floor, I nip the scar on her lip lightly and she whimpers. Her hands tremble as she cups my face.
"Please..."
"Em-ma... I can't."
"Why, damn it?! Why can't you let me have this."
"Because it won't help you! It won't make you feel better. I won't let you hide from this, little duck."
"Gina, don't..."
"No, Emma. No one knows you like I do. You say that your secret ruined your life... it thrived in darkness. Hiding it isn't going to it make it better. I should know."
"It's not..."
"The same thing? Emma, I was 17 and married to a man 40 years older than me. My mother..."
"I... shit, you're right."
"Language, little duck."
"I'm sorry... I just... Gina, I'm used to being alone. Coping alone... I love you, Henry, and my parents more than I ever thought possible. I just never realized the kind of shame and fear I still walk around with. And, I'm still so angry..."
"Your parents deserve to know that you're angry."
"But, they'd want to know why... I can't face them, Gina."
"Yes, you can Emma. They're coming to dinner tomorrow."
"No! Please, Gina..."
"Emma..."
"Please!" I sob brokenly, "please! I'll tell them, just... not in person."
The ways of this world must be similar to the Enchanted Forest, she was shamed deeply over what that monster did to her. And, while she hasn't said it, I know this had to've happened more than once while she was in that home. I've never seen her so fragile or frightened, my heart genuinely aches for her. I think this is what The Creator meant. Emma knows and understands that love exists but she didn't experience it for the largest portion of her life. And, it sickens me to think that if she did experience it, it was a ploy for something much more insidious. Just the idea of her birth parents knowing her past makes her hysterical because she's never been cared for in a way that was unconditional or healthy.
"It's okay, Emma... I promise. I'll talk to them."
"Gina, they can't ever know! They'll be so disappointed and they'll blame themselves. I can't carry that, too. Please..."
"Okay, okay! It's okay, Emma! I promise..."
And, I meant it... I promise not to tell them until I can't hide it anymore.
------
Emma dozed off after calming down and I tucked her into my bed with Gino. Once I was sure she was settled, I cast a sound suppression spell on my room before heading downstairs. I pace for while in my study before gathering the courage to call Snow.
"Hello?"
"Snow, it's Regina."
"HI! I was just about to call you! What should we br-"
"Emma wants to cancel..."
"What?! Why!?"
"Snow, please... calm down some."
"Calm down?! Really? Why would she not want to have dinner with us?"
"I just... I think... she needs space." My voice wavers slightly.
"Space? What do you mean?"
"I just..."
"You 'just' what, Regina?"
"Snow, please. I can't."
"You can't tell me something about my daughter?" God, she always was good with an interrogation especially when she's miffed.
"I didn't... I... shit."
"I thought you'd changed, Regina."
"I HAVE changed! How dare you imply that I'm getting satisfaction from this conversation. And, frankly, my feelings are hurt because I thought we'd... become friends."
"Regina, we are friends. We're family. I'm sorry... I just really don't like the idea that something is happening with her that I don't know about."
"Snow, there is plenty about her you know nothing about..." I say solemnly.
"Is this to do with her past? Her upbringing?"
"Snow, please do not ask me to betray my Truest Love."
"Regina, you're the one that said she needed me... that she needed her father."
"I did, yes."
"Then how is this not a betrayal of a greater magnitude?"
"Because, she believes this will hurt you, your relationship, and how you see her. Snow, this is deeper than anything you're imagining. It's much heavier."
"Regina... I know you think I'm an idiot, I've given you plenty of reasons to believe it. But, I'm not unintelligent."
"That may be so, but-"
"Regina, who abused Emma?"
"What?"
"Answer my question. Who abused my daughter?"
"Her foster father... and the mother." I admit ruefully. She is right, telling her is best. I know that I'd want and need to know if it were Henry.
"I assume she was brutalized as well as molested?"
"Yes."
"Hm..." she sighs.
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just interesting how similar your backgrounds are."
"Yeah, I guess they are..."
"Look, I won't tell Emma you told me but I have to see her, comfort her."
"Snow, I don't know..."
"Trust me to keep your secret, please. I owe you."
I couldn't help but to chuckle.
"Indeed you do. Talk later." I say before hanging up and heading back upstairs to Emma.

I find her sitting up in bed while she stares at Gino the duck with a slight pout on her face.
"What's wrong, little duck?" I ask softly as I kneel next to her.
"I dunno..." she sighs as she plays with the bow around Gino's neck.
"Hey, you don't keep things from me, okay? No matter what. I love you, Emma. You can trust me." The heat I feel licking at the nape of neck has to be hellfire. I may have been the Evil Queen but one thing I never was, was a liar. Okay, maybe I have lied but it's genuinely only been a small handful of times and they were mostly omissions over confabulated facts.
"You hurt my feelings."
"I-I did?"
"Yes, last night."
"Oh, honey I'm sorry..."
"You didn't want to kiss me or anything! You haven't since we've both been imbued with the power of the New Era!"
"Emma, that's--"
"Don't you dare fix your mouth to tell me it isn't true. You know it is... do I disgust you?"
She sounds like me... it's heartbreaking. I shake my head in disagreement.
"Are you not attracted to me this way?" A tear falls down her cheek, "is it because you're afraid of my past? Or, are you afraid to get his scraps?" She glares at me before tossing Gino aside; he tumbles off the bed into the floor and something in my heart aches. She rises up on her knees and stares into my eyes intently. Her words hurt but they also trigger something inside me, it reminds me of when I used dark magic to get my subjects to bend to my will but it didn't feel dark; it felt like the most intense form of compassion and empathy I'd ever experienced in my life. A sense of righteous anger flows through me because she's clearly always doubted her worth. But, I'm honestly irritated because she's doing to herself, no one else is.
"Answer me."
"Emma, that is enough." My voice is firm but warm, her shocked expression overtakes her face.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, that's enough. You're done throwing a pity party, you're done wallowing in self imposed despair and isolation, and you're positively finished with insisting that you're alone and unlovable."
"A pity fucking party? You have no idea what I've gone through."
Snow's observation of our histories being similar echoes in my mind. She's right... even across realms we were somehow a part of one another even in darkness. Then I remember what Ruby said, peace isn't always gained through peaceful acts.
"Don't I?" I counter sharply, "my mother was and is a sadist, Emma. You saw but a glimpse of what I experienced. Would you like to see more?"
"N-No, Gina... I'm sorry..." she hiccups.
"I don't think you are. I'm sorry, my love. But, I would do anything to break you free of this time in your life." I cry softly before pressing forehead against hers, stitching my memories into her minds eye; her past entwines with mine, our lives flashing each others minds. She begins to weep softly as she bears witness to my experiences as a child up until I cursed myself barren and banished my mother through the mirror. My heart aches and twists at seeing all she's endured and overcome.
"Enough!" Emma sobs, her features finally softening, "I am s-so sorry, Gina. I've been a bitch."
"Emma, you're hurting. I understand but I don't condone it. You don't have to be lost, again. You aren't alone anymore, you must accept that."
"But-"
"No. No more. Emma, you do not get to decide how people will react and you do not get to decide how they will feel. It isn't fair."
"I-..." she begins before sighing, "yes ma'am."
"I love you, Em-ma."
"I love you, too Gina."
"Now... let's finish breakfast so I can show you my surprise for today!" Emma's face lights up.
"A surprise for me?"
"Anything to see that smile, little duck."
She throws her arms around me in a warm and gracious hug, she clings to me and buries her nose in my hair inhaling.
"What are you doing, sweetheart?"
"Making a memory. Just another moment longer..." she sighs, I rub her back gently as I rock her slightly.
"Take as long as you need."