Cross

12

Winter

Gasping, I wake to the sound of lightning exploding in the sky like fireworks. Bright white flashes sweeps into the bedroom in silver and gold, followed by the sound of thunder clapping. My heart races and dizziness over comes me.

Gunfire. It sounds like gunfire.

Startled, I jump on my side of the bed as another lightning cracks in the sky. There's a gush of strong winds and rain splatters against the glass doors. There's a storm raging outside, an angry one.

My palm kneads my chest in hopes to calm it. I close my eyes to only see memories of their dead bodies staring back at me. The smell of rotten flesh suddenly fills my nostrils and I feel like I'm back in the basement. Alone and scared.

My eyes fly open just as another lightning cries outside. The sound of the rain and wind doesn't drown out the gunshots ringing in my ear. I don't know how to stop it.

Roman sleeps beside me and it dawns on me that this is the first time I've seen him asleep. Not wanting to wake him, I quietly tiptoe to the bathroom and close the door behind me with my heart still galloping.

I splash water on my face hoping it'll break whatever trance I'm swallowed in before sinking down beside the door. With the storm still raging outside, I rock myself to keep the nerves at bay.

This is the first time in weeks since I had the memories of their deaths replay on my mind on a vicious cycle.

I muffle my squeaks of terror when the last lightning strike so loud it felt like it hit a tree top outside. I cover my ears with my palms yet it only made the sounds louder. The screams, it haunts when I'm awake and when I'm asleep.

"Winter." Roman calls my name as he swings open the door. My heart leaps in fright. Oh god, I've woken him.

He looks down at me with a stoic expression and fear courses through my veins.

"I'm sorry." I stammer on the verge of tears. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Roman wordlessly crouches down and lifts me into his arms. And like always, my body leans into his touch, thankful for the embrace. I throw my arms around his neck and breathe in his woody scent.

His touch and smells calms my rapid heart beats and helps my muscles loosen. Then I feel it, the way my heart flutters when he holds me. He's my mortal enemy but he's the only thing my body wants.

I bury my face into his shoulder, holding onto him tightly. Just for a moment, I want to be held.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Roman rubs soothing circles on my back and his chest rumbles as he hums lowly. My bottom lip trembles at his actions. I don't quite grasp why he takes care of me in a way that's intimate. I'm only his wife on a paper; there's nothing between us but a sex and a horrific past.

My body enjoys his touch and relishes in the tranquility it brings. Still, I don't like how it betrays me and clouds my vision of the monstrosity that is Roman Cross.

Then it all falls down in the comfort of Roman's arms. Today, I'll let my views of him be clouded. My tears bursting out of me like a broken dam. I'm so full with sadness; my days are so gloomy - I don't know what to do.

"Roman." I sob, holding onto his arm. "I'm sad."

He doesn't respond because he knows the reason for my sadness. Him. He's the centre of it all.

"You didn't have to kill them." The words bubbles out of me. "My brother and my father, what they've done is unforgivable but why did they have to die. Why did my mom and my younger brother have to die too?" I move my head from the comfort of his neck and bravely hold his gaze.