Lust or Love?

A Clouded Mind

After that night my days started to get cloudy, my mind a foggy maze. I was just floating along in time...  It was painful to watch myself slip away get I can't seem to be able to grasp onto what life was before. I was left lost in the maze of my mind.

Alex was sitting at his desk writing. Writing had helped him slip out if the stress of his life before and feel last time. But this time around it just wasn't helping enough. Alex hated this numb feeling so much as he knew how much it hurt others. He could only watch as his life starts to slip away. Alex let out a long shaken sigh as he rested his head down his note book staring blankly at the words that he had just wrote. He felt his empty heart. He raised his head again and wrote.

Why did this it me so hard, did I really like Braden that much... Why in the hell did this break me! Why do I do this to myself, I hate it! God I just hate it!

Alex slammed his pencil down shaking tears welling in his eyes. He looked down "fuck." He whispered before hearing a knock on the door. "Come in." Alex spoke his voice a little shaking, he wipped his tears away and closed his brown leather notebook before turning to see who it was. He watched as Blaise's tall figure slowly crept in.

"Hey Alex how you holding up? I noticed you weren't in your classes today." Blaise says softly well looking over Alex and noting that he had been crying.

"Just wasn't up to it, called in sick." Alex responded looking down. He felt a pair big want arms wrap around him.

"It's okay buddy. Mattheo got Slughorn to move Braden I think some ravenclaw boy is sitting there now." Blaise whispered well rubbing Alex's back.

"Thanks Blaise. You're littrary the best friend anyone could ask for." Alex smiled softly.

"I know right?" Blaise spoke with a playful, cocky grin. The sight of that made Alex smiled.

"The greatest." Alex smiled back though his eyes tired and sorrowful. Blaise just traps Alex in a big comforting hug. He leaned into Blaise and just let himself be absorbed into his hug, treasuring every little moment it brought.

"Hey Alex, I was writing with my folks and since your father wasn't in country for the this Christmas, we were wondering if you would like to join us? Draco will be there as well to get away from home for a bit and let his parents get some business done. My parents said it would be a pleasure to see you again." Blaise offers sweetly, his face soft and welcoming.

"Oh, if it isn't out of their way-"

"Alex. It isn't, they enjoyed having you over last summer. They think you are a lovely kid." Blaise reasured all of Alex's worries.

"Well than, I would love to come over of Christmas Blaise." Alex beamed though there was some signs of him being nervous.

"Great." Blaise smiled.

Mattheo...

Mattheo had been watching Alex like a hawk lately to make sure nothing happened. Regan was being pissy and ghosting him which he didn't pay mind to. He knew she would come around, though in the back of his brain Mattheo knew he couldn't do this much longer. One of his worries was if his father found out, his father would do horrible things his he knew Mattheo liked a boy. And of all things his best friend, he would probably call Mattheo a foolish and disown him. Or kill him, but Mattheo tried not to think about that as it sent shivers down his spine. Mattheo had went to each class to tell the teachers the Alex requestes for Braden to be sat away from him, and in his past class he could see Regan staring daggers as he had done that. Mattheo had notice the bull shit that Regan started was gone and no one believes her anymore, he found it quite amusing. Regan very clearing had alot of shit going on, Mattheo knew he loves her at one point in his life but seeing her so broken hurt. He hoped to see her better one day, Mattheo really truly did. How the fuck am I going to break up... He questioned himself well sitting through his last class. He had gotten switched with Braden in this class which was nice since Blaise was with him. He saw Blaise pass him a note.

Folks want to know if you want to join us for Christmas to get away from your father for a bit. That and they noticed The Dark Lord has not been wanting to see you. Those were the words writting on the note. Mattheo gave a thumbs up and burnt the peace of paper. Blaise smiled and chuckled a bit before the teacher called on him.

"Now Mister Zabini, what is Mister Riddle doing that is so amusing?" That short teacher asked with an unimpressed tone.

Blaise let out a small cough. "Sorry Professor was just remembering something." Blaise spoke as he was covering for Mattheo.

"Oh really now?"

" Yes proffesor." Blaise spoke again. "It will never happen again sir." Blaise finally said.

"Better not Mister Zabini or it will be points taken off." The professor warned Mattheos friend. Mattheo smirked a but as Mattheo nodded.

Mattheo went back to paying attention in class. He scribbled down some notes so he could share with Alex later. He was going to probably go the library and study, Lilith was going to help him collect the notes for Alex. She seemed to soften after hearing what happened though it was clear she didn't know how to apologize. Mattheo didn't like what she had done but understood, she was just trying to side with her girlfriend. Mattheo suffered throught the last minutes of class, as the packed up he asked Blaise. "Can you check on Alex for me, see if he wants to hop down to the library to get the notes maybe? If not that's fine. I think he need to get out though." Mattheo spike softly.